Welcome, gentle folk and sick bastages. Yup, you have been unfortunate
enough to have opened the first part of the Prankthology. Yes, that's
right, the grand pappy of prank lists. So sit back, grab some lime green
jello, pet your potato, and enjoy.
Disclaimer: High levels of Dominate, Obfuscate, Vissectitude, and Dementate
are highly suggested. 'Course, a good amount of Potence, Fortitude,
and Celerity never hurt anyone. Well, not us anyway...
Disclaimer the Second: If anyone takes any of this seriously, you are
weird. If you don't get help at Charter, get help somewhere. This is all in
fun,
twisted as it may be.
The Prankthology, Part One of Five
1. Cut off the hands of Koko the gorilla (the one that uses sign language).
2. Turn an entire hotel in Las Vegas into Elvis look-alikes. Give them all
an intense hatred of Elvis.
3. Go to a parachuting school. Replace parachutes with beach blankets.
4. Turn a good number of the Secret Service into clones of the President.
Convince them that they really are.
5. Nab a barber and replace him/her. Give unique haircuts. Use pruning
shears and a chainsaw.
6. Blow up the supports of the Eiffel Tower. (Really irritates the Toreador
and the French.)
7. Switch smoke grenades with real grenades at an Army Reserve drill session.
8. Sneak live ordnance into magazines before a MILES gear exercise.
9. Kill every lawyer who has an ad on TV. (Actually, this should go under
the heading of Public Service...)
10. Change headings of major newspaper to read "Prince ________ Molests
Bass!" (Thanks to v.a.l. for the inspiration on that one...)
11. Release and heavily arm inmates of a maximum security prison.
12. Stage a public hanging. Have the public trial five minutes later. Have
hangees make arguments in their defense. (Be sure to have live news
teams present...)
3. Massacre an entire radio station. Call police and announce on the air
that a certain song is never to be played again. Punish transgressors. (The
song was 'Basketcase'. It let out too many Clan secrets...)
14. Crash a live-televised awards show. Have fun and act like a Brujah.
15. In New York, get a vendor stand. Sell hot dogs with fingers and penises
in them.
16. Go to a pet store and get several dozen large tarantulas. Find some
poor schlep on the street, and superglue the little critters to him. Drop
him
off on a busy street corner and yell, "Look, it's Spiderman!".
17. At meetings, whenever any problem is brought up, any problem at all,
suggest holding a bake sale to cover the costs. Emphasize that oatmeal
raisin cookies will NOT be sold because nobody ever buys them and you are
always left with a styrofoam plate covered in Saran Wrap.
18. Call people by each others names. When they correct you, accuse them of
switching bodies. Force them to show you PROOF that they are who
they say they are.
19. When someone asks who you are, check your ID. You never know.
20. When you're Obfuscated, you can't see anyone. They can't see you, and
that's logic. ("Contrariwise.")
21. Speak a language you don't know. English is a twist on this.
22. Rap.
23. Disco.
24. Invite everyone to the S00PER D00PER MONSTER TRUCK RALLY at the
Prince's house. Hang around outside and yell for beer.
25. Rip off lines from Firesign Theatre and Negativland. "Oh, you mean
NANCY!", "ToNIGHT is THRILL NIGHT!", "guns.", "Passs the Lord
and Praise the Ammunition!", "Read me Doctor Memory.", "And we had to throw
it awaaaaay.", "Available in three sizes: Little Miss, Moon Maid
and Stuck Pig.", "We shust don't have enough dada."
26. Bite the inside of your cheek and yell "OW! Hey, my teeth are really
sharp! How did that happen? Tastes pretty good though... Hey wait a
minute! That's BLOOD! Gross!"
27. Fall. Don't get up.
28. Bob for french fries. Have another Malkavian lick the salt and grease
off your face.
29. Jump back. Kiss yourself.
30. Suck your own blood. Ask the GM if this counts as Diablerie.
31. Ask people how they can stand it. When they ask what, look around and
throw up your hands as if it were OBVIOUS, as if it were ALL
AROUND THEM.
32. Find a Toreador and engage in conversation. Tell him that Shakespeare
really wrote three other plays, but that you persuaded 'ole Willy that
they weren't any good and got him to burn them.
33. Become a renegade appliance repair specialist (ala DeNiro's character
in "Brazil"). Break into people's houses and repair their machinery. Be
creative. Use an Etherite's design specs for the Perpetual Motion Quantum
Ice Cream Scoop (r) for inspiration.
34. Paint your face green and wear one of those silly pairs of antennae.
Take a pistol and glue on little bits of junk. Wander the streets and
accost
random people, asking them to "Take me to your leader". If they refuse,
"zap" 'em. Repeat as necessary until you are taken to "their Leader"
(interpret however you wish). Smile and thank Mr. Leader for beaming out
reruns of "I Love Lucy" for the cosmos' enjoyment. Get their
autograph and promptly disappear (Obfuscate).
35. Dress up like a roadrunner. Run up to a passerby, hand him a lit stick
of dynamite, yell "Meep! Meep!", and run off as fast as you can.
36. Hijack an airliner. Head back to the big city. Think skyscrapers. Think
Star Wars Death Star trench battle scene. Don't forget to close your eyes
and let the Force guide your hand.
37. Practice your ventriloquism. Use Obfuscate to disappear. Go to a
popular and fancy restaurant. (Bonus points if the restaurant is part of
the
Elysium and/or a Primogen member's favored hangout.) Find people who have
ordered their steaks medium-rare. Give a unique performance of
"Old MacDonald".
38. Get one tied-up Nosferatu. Put a mask on 'em. Go to a showing of
Phantom of the Opera. Unmask him on stage and shoot him repeatedly
when he tries to run. Watch for reactions when he gets back up and runs
away again. (You might have to shoot an actor to convince the audience
that the bullets are real.)
39. Replace doctors in an ER. Try real hard to do well. Tie up real doctors
and let 'em watch. Ignore screams. Arriving cops become candidates for
gall bladder removal. (Loone, are you sure the gall bladder is in the head?)
40. Kill every 'Smith' in a large town. (This may take some doing, so only
hard-working Malkies should try this one.)
41. Go muddin' in the Prince's limo. Tying his favorite ghoul to the hood
is strictly optional.
42. Turn Prince into look-alike of Charles Manson. Run like hell.
43. Take a sledgehammer into a house of mirrors. Don't come out for a few
hours. And don't come out through any doors or windows.
44. Go to an opera. Show 'em what real Vikings were like.
45. Replace all the children in a maternity ward with chickens. Hoist all
the kids from various flagpoles across the city.
46. Put out ad for cheap liposuction. Punish stupidity with a knife and a
vacuum cleaner. Volunteer the mayor if there are no takers.
47. Enter a demolition derby. Heavily arm Obfuscated boarding parties.
48. Commandeer multiple cement trucks. Visit the Prince's domicile. Leave
town soon thereafter.
49. (Highly difficult. Only for the most experienced sadists.) Get an
18-wheeler with a trailer. Capture and kill Shamu. Deliver to Greenpeace's
headquarters with a big bow around him.
50. Rob the same bank every night. Start taking furniture when they run out
of money. Start taking employees when they run out of furniture.
Bonus points to the longest spree.
51. Track down and kill the Brady Bunch just for fun.
52. Set a firehouse on fire. Do it again half an hour after they put it
out. All night.
53. Paint big yellow smiley faces all over every billboard in town. Have
ghoul snipers kill anyone who tries to paint over them.
54. Replace a boxer in a major fight. Show the world what Potence can
really do properly employed.
55. Kill every talkshow host you can during the filming of their show. Take
over the conversation. See how many hosts go into hiding.
56. Teach ticket scalpers the true meaning of scalping. Give tickets (glued
to scalp) to the poor.
57. Have a good 'ole fashioned book burning at the local government
archives building. (Not for squeamish vampires...)
58. Help scientists explore the mysteries of cryogenics. Improvise with
meat lockers and pedestrians if proper facilities are not available.
59. Sneak onto an airplane (preferably cross-continental) and steal all the
toilet paper. Leave sandpaper. Stay and see how many use it in
desperation. (Putting exlax in the food is highly suggested.)
60. Get several large sewer rats (not Nosferatu, just plain rats) and some
sturdy metal containers to store them in for awhile. Turn the rats into
ghouls and starve them for awhile. Then release them in a geriatric ward,
day-care center ( night-care, whatever...) maternity ward, or nursing
home.
61. Find some contaminated blood and place it in the local blood bank.
62. Fill a baptismal font with hydrochloric acid.
63. Place bombs on school buses.
64. Take corpses and run them through a meat grinder. Form the results into
small, wafer thin patties and smuggle into the local fast-food chains
freezers. Telling the board of health is strictly optional.
65. Hydrochloric acid in certain hygiene products.
66. Tape adult material over Bambi. Return to video store.
67. Fly a kite using entrails/intestines as string or the tail.
68. Take surveillance video of a school principal nude and splice it into
the class TV.
69. Get a list of abused wives and castrate their husbands.
70. Find a personals section in a newspaper. Kill every person in it.
71. Alter a local billboard to say something really exciting (ex-Prince
_______ has sex with farm animals).
72. Videotape nuns showering. Give away copies free.
73. Make snow angels. Put dead children in the center.
74. Find a nativity scene. Replace the Christ child with a dead baby.
75. Steal a wrecking ball. Level a crowded tenement.
76. Give blankets impregnated with small pox to homeless people.
77. Replace several electronic toys innards with plastique.
78. Arm a psychiatric ward's inmates.
79. Put obstructions in the path of crowded subway cars.
80. Place land mines on jogging trails.
81. Run a van full of boy scouts through a car compactor.
82. Replace the ether found in a dentists office with any nerve gas causing
paralysis but not unconsciousness.
83. Assassinate a writer of children's books by bludgeoning them to death
with a small child.
84. Arrange corpses to read Spring is Here and then bury them under a large
pile of snow. Hope its still legible for the spring thaw.
85. Place a corpse in the middle of a snowman. Again, wait for a thaw.
86. Cut the hydraulic lines on the brakes of as many airplanes as possible.
87. Go to an AA meeting and pelt people with cans of beer (Note: some STs
allow aggravated damage if Heineken is used.)
88. Brand people at random with the prince's seal.
89. Steal several suits of armor and weld people into them. Make a wind chime.
90. Put angel dust into the communion.
91. Bake frog heads into communion cookies and replace the real ones.
92. Put sulfuric acid into the ink at a tattoo parlor.
93. Bolt the doors of any crowded area shut. Light some smoke bombs and
yell "Fire!".
94. Replace the blood in plasma bags with red acrylic paint.
95. Replace the solution in an IV bag with salt solution.
96. Weaken bungee cords.
97. Replace nitroglycerin tablets with caffeine pills.
98. Reroute the exhaust to the rear compartment on an ambulance.
99. Cut off a surgeon's hands, a psychiatrist's tongue, a gigolo's...you
get the idea.
100. Arrange dead people dressed as a cowboy, an Indian, a construction
worker, and a leather clad weirdo to spell "YMCA".
101. Arrange dead girl scouts to spell "kind, helpful, courteous, and dead."
102. Add ground glass to the road salt.
103. Replace a psychiatric wards thorazine with LSD.
104. Put ammonia into the prince's fish tanks and lethal dosages into his
swimming pool.
105. Let lions loose in a nursing home.
106. Release hungry pythons in an orphanage.
107. Steal the displays from a local museum. Send ransom demands.
108. Make chains similar to paper doll chains, but use sorority girls and
barbed wire instead.
109. Connect portable generators to a building's fire escapes. Barricade
the stairs and light the building on fire.
110. Throw bleach on Goths.
---Johnny Mayall---jmayall@jove.acs.unt.edu---http://people.unt.edu/~jmayall---
When I was a very small boy, very small boys talked to me;
Now that we've grown up together, they're afraid of what they see.
-New Order, "True Faith"
Welcome, gentle folk and sick bastages. Yup, you have been unfortunate
enough to have opened the second part of the Prankthology. Yes, that's
right, the grand pappy of prank lists. So sit back, grab some lime green
jello, pet your potato, and enjoy.
Disclaimer: High levels of Dominate, Obfuscate, Vissectitude, and Dementate
are highly suggested. 'Course, a good amount of Potence, Fortitude,
and Celerity never hurt anyone. Well, not us anyway...
Disclaimer the Second: If anyone takes any of this seriously, you are
weird. If you don't get help at Charter, get help somewhere. This is all in
fun,
twisted as it may be.
The Prankthology, Part Two of Five
111. Perform a hostile takeover of one of those kiddy science shows
(Beakman, Bill Nye, etc...). Explain to the kids how the world really
works.
(The use of survivors of the hostile takeover as "volunteers" for
experiments is considered good form.)
112. Send your most imaginative Dream Diary to the Weekly World News,
complete with illustrations.
113. Find a Giovanni or Samedi who either has a grudge against Francois
Villon or a weak self-control. Take your new friend to the ossuary in the
catacombs. Rearrange bones before he animates. Be creative. Surprise that
next busload of tourists out for that macabre feel.
114. Dominate the Mayor of Paris into keeping the promise he made of
swimming in the Seine by 1994. Call the press, of course.
115. Get a strong Brujah pal to turn parking meters into pieces of modern
art (knots, twists, and turns). Make sure the coin slots end up being
unreachable.
116. Ever wondered just how strong those bars holding back that gorilla
are? Using Animalism and some of your blood, take over a gorilla at a
zoo. King Kong was a sissy.
117. Locate the national fencing team's training camp. Sneak into it at
night. Two words: Fleshcraft and Cyrano.
118. "Convince" the local mayor and his cabinet to show up nude at the
prince's residence. Make sure there are a lot of TV reporters on hand.
Makes for great embarrassment for both sides.
119. During sorority rushes at your local girl's Catholic college, redirect
the night's function to a Brujah rave.
120. Fleshcraft and Dominate three ghouls to look like Jesus, Elvis, and
JFK. Have them discuss politics at the next meeting of the city's
Primogen.
121. Dress up as Colonial Marines. Designate all city officials as
'Aliens'. Save the Earth.
122. Turn entire petting zoo into vampires. Have ghoul videotape children's
faces as their favorite animals spontaneously combust.
123. Go into music store. Break CDs and eat them. Puke up bloody bits on
the salespeople.
124. Go to amusement park. Shoot one parent in every couple with children.
125. Replace a plastic surgeon. With fleshcrafting, give them more than
their money's worth.
126. Dominate leading NASA spokesman into having a press conference to tell
the public that UFOs and aliens exist. Provide him with fun photos
and sketches.
127. Dress up as Crusaders and kill all non-white males, screaming "Kill
the heathens! Death to all non-believers!"
128. Poison the coffee and donuts in a shop that most police frequent.
Start a riot the next night. (Free inmates only if the riot sucks.)
129. Steal a major stash of cocaine. Have ghouls hand out to children at
elementary school.
130. (Only for the most enterprising of pranksters...) Steal a mobile
artillery piece. Renovate the slums. Park the piece in the Prince's yard.
Leave
the state.
131. Sneak into a mall. Switch all merchandise between Victoria's Secret
and Dillard's Men's Department.
132. Spear pedestrians with self-propelled marlins.
133. Hack into a major TV uplink. Give a unique State of the Union Address
looking like Bill. No, make that Hillary...
134. Put anti-Toreador graffiti all over the Hoover Dam.
135. Skin a skinhead.
136. Go to an animal rights activist meeting wearing fur. With the
squealing animals still attached.
137. Go to Six Flags. Jump off the Texas Giant at it's apex. Get back in line.
138. Let a werewolf loose in the middle of a Toreador Clan meeting. Dress
it up in pink lingerie first.
139. Using a skinned werewolf hide, Mask of a Thousand Faces, and
Vissectitude, impersonate a Lupine. Go punch a vampire whom you know
carries silver bullets. Pretend to die when he/she shoots you. Yell "Boo!"
when they bend down to drink from you.
140. Dress up like Barney and attack an elementary school with a chainsaw.
141. Make potholes in a major bridge. During rush hour. (C-4 is suggested.)
142. During Christmas season, go to the mall. Find a Santa. Hang him from
the ceiling using his small intestine. Think pin~ata.
143. Visit SeaWorld with a fishing pole and a speargun.
144. Get ten of your friends. Dress up like Superman. Run through a TV news
station to the top of the building. Try to fly. Run away laughing.
154. Stand in a supermarket cart while a friend wheels you around the store..
a) re-enact George Washington's Crossing of the Delaware...
b) put finger over upper lip John Cleese-style, and nazi salute people...
155. Dance to music. Everywhere. Supermarket music. Elevator music. Hold
button music. Somebody else's walkman music.
156. Bite pop cans and put them back on the shelf.
157. Go at red lights and stop at green ones.
158. Dominate that clown on the drive-through speaker.
159. Ask a passer-by where the nearest elevator is, even if you're in the
woods.
160. Drive backwards.
161. Do jumping jacks whenever you see a green light.
162. Drag a banana on a leash through a mall and talk to it.
163. Answer telephones and order pizza.
"Hello, is John th-"
"Hi! Is this Domino's? I'd like to order a medium pepperoni, no garlic."
"Er, I'm not Domino's. Is Joh-"
"You folks are such kidders. I'll be waiting, seeya." (click).
164. Find out who heads the nearest Klan group and when and where they
meet. Kidnap their leader and fleshcraft him to look like the minority of
your choice and use Dominate to send him off to the meeting acting like
nothing has happened. Sit back and enjoy the show.
165. Recipe for Insanity (Just like mama used to make...)
Ingredients:
One paint-ball gun
A lot of ammo
High level of Obfuscate
Patience
One cagey, paranoid, lonely vampire
Directions:
1.) Follow said vampire home and sneak in.
2.) Stand behind him (about five feet back), and shoot him in the back of
the head with the pain-ball gun.
3.) Obfuscate real quick before he turns around.
4.) Do it again as soon as he calms down.
5.) Repeat all night.
6.) If he flees, give chase and continue.
7.) If he seeks companions, use patience to wait until he is alone again.
8.) Either way, the poor bastard's gonna crack.
166. Place an envelope on a prince's doorstep. In said envelope is a letter
from the Black Hand stating that he is their next target. Now blow up his
bushes. Repeat once weekly blowing up a different item in his yard or house.
167. Turn a ghoul into Pan (that little Greek boy-god) and have him attend mass.
168. Sneak into a baseball team's lockerroom with some friends. Kill 'em
all, change into them, and take the field. See how long it takes before
you are found out.
169. Buy a lot of gerbils, hamsters, and other rodents from various pet
stores. Think snowball fight.
170. Dress up in sheets like the KKK. Spraypaint the sheets red. Hang real
violent KKK members in the mayor's lawn.
171. Steal a tank. Go joyriding through a museum and some of the Prince's
major haunts.
172. Get the Yellow Pages. Visit as many apartment complexes as you can in
one night, giving out $500 cash to any residents in apartment #13.
Return two nights later and kill 'em all.
173. Sneak into a book store after hours. Bring a lot of spraypaint. Turn
all the books neon purple.
174. Juggle for crowds using Celerity. With severed limbs.
175. Find someone juggling chainsaws. Interrupt them at a crucial point. A
knife in the ass will usually do the trick.
176. Set up a sniper hole near the Mexican border. Shoot all border hoppers
one night. A week later, come back and repeat, but shoot all the border
guards this time. Repeat as necessary.
177. Change "Hooked on Phonics" tapes to instructional videos teaching
little kiddies how to cuss like good sailors. (Thanks to v.a.l. again...)
178. Hoist the Jolly Roger in front of the Capitol Building.
179. Visit a Civil War reenactment. Dress up like Injuns and declare war on
both sides. Bonus points for the most scalps.
180. Slash all the tires on the cars at a used car lot.
181. Go to Gold's Gym. Bring a strong Brujah. Show the silly Kine what real
strength is. Sell your "superstrength" pills for $20. (Yes, yes, it's a
blood capsule...) Tell 'em it's better than steroids 'cause your weinie
don't shrink...
182. Visit a slaughterhouse. Using celerity and a sword, give 'em pointers.
183. Enter a bullfight. Ride 'em cowboy!
184. Dress up like the Beverly Hillbillies. Visit Rodeo Blvd. with
flame-throwers and explosives.
185. Go to Disney World and chop off Mickey's and Minnie's heads in a crowd
of children.
186. Turn an entire old folks home into vampires. Give 'em the Prince's
address and a severe hatred of authority.
187. Go to a deer lease. Catch a deer and skin it. Dress up in its skin and
go hunt silly people wearing neon orange camouflage.
188. Attend a political rally with a high voltage cattle prod.
189. Have a friend and yourself dress up like an Arab and an Israeli. Using
low-caliber pistols in a crowded street, trade shots to the chest. Reload
and repeat until the police and news teams arrive. Fill up on the police's
blood and go play bumper cars with their cruisers.
190. Find out the meeting time of your local Diverse Culture Awareness
group. Get some friends and dress up like really bad stereotypes (body
paint, wigs, and props encouraged) and attend.
191. Visit an electronics and appliance store with a sledgehammer and a
bunch of IOU notes.
192. Go dynamite fishing, but go at PetLand.
193. Build a catapult. Shoot livestock at the prince's house. If you've
seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail, you get the idea. For extra credit
throw livestock from a C-130.
194. Visit the local toxic waste dump. Shoot that out of the catapult. See
if Toreador get mesmerized.
195. When anyone tells you to have a nice day, tell them that you have
other plans. Then take their picture. Walk away fingering a knife and
muttering.
196. Get "out to lunch" tattooed on your forehead. Better yet get it
tattooed on someone else's forehead.
197. Stare at people through the tines on a fork. If they say anything
yell, "QUIET PRISONER #145512!"
198. Buy new clothes. Get shot and or stabbed in them and try to return
them. Don't bother healing first.
199. On Halloween put liquid nitroglycerin in pumpkins. Wait for people to
smash them.
200. Go to a fireworks factory with a flame-thrower. Sing "Light my fire."
201. Sell T-shirts saying "Prince _____ sucks wet farts from dead pigeons."
Thanks to Cerebus for the insult.
202. Get a silver-bladed chainsaw. Attack gerbils with it. Tell people that
they mature into werewolves, and its best to kill them in the larval stage.
203. Take a full septic tank truck. Give the police station a fresh coat of
paint.
204. Kidnap a school principal. Start a bidding war of students vs. the
state to kill or release him.
205. Melvin the televangelist of your choice on live TV.
206. Dress up as Jesus. Go to a midnight mass and crucify people. Make lots
of nasty comments about Romans.
207. Find a mosque. Bury it under lots of raw pork.
208. Start a mosh pit at a Barry Manilow concert.
209. Pull a large fish behind you on a leash. Call it Fido.
210. Find out when and where the local head of the Tremere chantry will be
holding his yearly gala. Hire every costumed singing telegram person
in the city to come to the ball dressed in gorilla suits (or clown suits or
whatever). Have them all in succession sing to the Tremere dignitary:
"Roses are red, violets are blue, Tremere is a slug, and you're spawned
from his goo." Then have each one hand the fellow their hydrogen-filled
balloon and leave. Have the last one hand him the balloon with the
incendiary device in it.
211. During Mardi Gras, replace all the parer-mache heads with real heads
on the "Babes in Toyland" float. Have all the heads fleshcrafted to look
just like certain local Camarilla leaders. Replaces "Babes" with
"Vampires". If possible, drop an illusion over the float so you can unmask
it at the
best time.
212. Find a pompous Toreador (they're fairly common, I'm told). Using
Horrid Reality, have the Torry surrounded by three mirrors in which he
sees himself as a Nosferatu, a Samedi, and a Gargoyle.
213. Have one of your Samedi buddies use Rigor Mortis on a vain Toreador.
Then Dominate him into thinking that nothing has happened.
214. Dress up in suits of armor with swords. Decorate armor with English
coats-of-arms and Union jacks. Kill every Frenchman you can find,
singing "God Save The Queen".
215. Turn an entire dairy farm's stock into vampcows. (Somehow, I think
Gary Larson influenced me on this one...) Make wagers to guess what
the media will determine as the cause of the spontaneous combusting bovines.
216. Re-enact Don Quixote. (Damn, but I loved that story...)
217. Dominate a large number (at least fifty) of people into jointly peeing
on the President's lawn through the fence while singing "Hail to the
Chief", but replacing "Chief" with "draft- dodger".
218. Dress up like scuba men. Release a few alligators into a mall and
chase 'em around yelling about purses and shoes.
219. Go mountain climbing. On a sky-scraper. Dressed up like Spider Man in
neon yellow and orange.
220. Gets lots of friends, dress up like cowboys, and ride horses through
the intensive care wing of a busy hospital. (Indiscriminate shooting is
optional, of course.)
---Johnny Mayall---jmayall@jove.acs.unt.edu---http://people.unt.edu/~jmayall---
When I was a very small boy, very small boys talked to me;
Now that we've grown up together, they're afraid of what they see.
-New Order, "True Faith"
Welcome, gentle folk and sick bastages. Yup, you have been unfortunate
enough to have opened the third part of the Prankthology. Yes, that's
right, the grand pappy of prank lists. So sit back, grab some lime green
jello, pet your potato, and enjoy.
Disclaimer: High levels of Dominate, Obfuscate, Vissectitude, and Dementate
are highly suggested. 'Course, a good amount of Potence, Fortitude,
and Celerity never hurt anyone. Well, not us anyway...
Disclaimer the Second: If anyone takes any of this seriously, you are
weird. If you don't get help at Charter, get help somewhere. This is all in
fun,
twisted as it may be.
The Prankthology, Part Three of Five
221. Attend a "Rogaine with Manoxidyl" informative meeting. Forcibly
superglue throw rugs to everyone's head and chase them to a news station.
222. Rent jet-skis. Have a demolition derby. (Telling other jet-skiers that
they are now participants is not required.)
223. Go to a ski resort. Start a snowball fight. Five minutes into it,
start wrapping impact-fused grenades into the snowballs.
224. Go to the zoo with a weedwhacker. Bravely fight a Grizzly.
225. Dominate Cindy Crawford into thinking she is a sheep.
226. Dominate a Tremere into believing that "Fantasia" is the ultimate
authority on magical wisdom.
227. Convince a large portion of the American public that 70s style is back
in vogue. Oh, wait, already did that one... (Ouch! I was just kidding,
josephe, really...)
228. Dominate a Lupine and a Gangrel into singing "My Dog Has Fleas" as a
duet. Videotape and send to respective elders.
229. Secretly turn an entire football team into ghouls before kickoff.
Bonus points to the vampire who correctly guess the number of injuries by
game's end...
230. Publicly draw and quarter Ted Kennedy at a feminist rally.
231. Fleshcraft a large number of people to look like Edgar Allen Poe.
Dominate them into flapping their arms like wings and screeching
"Nevermore!" all across town.
232. Randomly fleshcraft a sleeping member of a couple into looking like
someone completely different just for chaos' sake.
233. Dress up like Lizzie Bordan and visit fast food restaurants. Don't
skimp on the whacks.
234. Fleshcraft a bunch of kids into looking like Beavis and Butthead and
dominate them into laughing rather stupidly.
235. Send mail bombs to imbeciles who start chain letters.
236. Give a free magic show. Cut a buddy in half for real. Throw his legs
into the crowd and let him pull himself after them.
237. Dress up like a clown and beat the hell out of all the mimes you can find.
238. After a Prince has called a bloodhunt on someone, turn about twenty
people into look-alikes of the poor bastard. Then turn the victim into a
double of the Prince.
239. Using the "Mask of a Thousand Faces", look like a Nosferatu. Insist
that you are a Nosferatu. Works great on Samedi and Gargoyles too.
240. Go into Crinos at the Toreador Ball. (Vissectitude and Obfuscate
recommended)
241. Assume the shape of one of your own paranoid hallucinations, like the
thing under the bed. Now go hide under the Prince's bed.
242. Drag around a leash and tell everyone your dog is obfuscated.
243. When granted a major boon (in my case by Capone) ask for a pit-bull
named "Spot" and a GI JOE lunch box.
244. Listen to two second clips of random music, REALLY loud, in cars where
people can't escape.
255. Decide you are not a vampire, eat real food, tell everyone you just
have the stomach flu.
256. Using Vissectitude and Obfuscate, make yourself look just like the
Prince's favorite ghoul. Now go and smack the Prince across the face in
front of a lot of people, screaming , "You bitch!". Run like hell and
release the real ghoul.
257. Make a prominent rabbi look like Hitler.
258. Sneak into a haunted house. Go Horrid Form. Have fun and see how long
it takes until people know you're for real.
259. Change to look like a famous person. Do something blatantly illegal.
Make sure to have lots of witnesses. (See, Loone, I told you we could
get OJ...)
260. Get on top of a tall building and threaten to jump. A few hours (and a
few shrinks) later, jump. Get up and say you feel much better now. Run
away cackling.
261. Empire State Building. Competition to see who can actually land on
someone when they jump. Use stunned onlookers for sustenance. (Bonus
points for any mashed toy poodles and the biggest crater.)
262. Find the creator of Capri Sun. Stick a large, stainless steel straw
into him, start drinking, and ask how he likes it.
263. Force some heads into a bunch of balloons and blow them up with
helium. Hand 'em out for free at a fair. (Mommy, mommy, look what the
nice clown gave me!)
264. Play Chihuahua-ball.
265. Dress up in a devil costume with a leather jacket and get a Harley
Davidson motorcycle. Attend a Hell's Angels rally and take your rightful
place. Start stabbing with your pitchfork if they give ya any lip.
266. Get a very large supply of sodium. Visit a water park. (As v.a.l. said
before, sing the Doors' "Come on baby, light my fire...")
267. Dress up like Paul Bunyan. Steal an ox and spraypaint it blue. Start
choppin' down telephone poles, singing "I'm a lumberjack, and that's
OK..."
268. Dress up like Elmer Fudd and visit a zoo with a bird aerie. Yelling
"Pull!" before you fire is suggested.
269. Go to a vet. Get a bunch of syringes that will induce rabies. Go buy a
bunch of nasty pit bulls. Stick the doggies and visit a post office.
270. Using fleshcraft and stealth, replace a corpse before a wake. Shake
people's hands and thank them for coming when they come to pay their
respects.
271. Dress up in togas. Release some starving lions in the middle of a
Catholic mass.
272. Sneak into a zoo at night. Heavily sedate and completely shave a
gorilla. Spraypaint him pink and put a large pair of briefs and a baseball
hat
on him. Put a big screen TV in the cage. Sit him up in an easy chair and
glue a remote in one hand and a beer in the other.
273. Get a bunch of friends and dress up like outlaw cowboys on horses.
Hold up a mass transit bus, telling everyone you're stagecoach robbers.
274. Randomly tar and feather night court judges in the middle of a court
session.
275. (Only for ambitious pranksters...) Climb up Mt. Rushmore and
spraypaint Lincoln's nose neon purple.
276. (Again, only serious vampires should apply... or ones with a death
wish...) Replace the Pope before a big trip. Preach the merits of Greek
Mythology and its undeniable truth.
277. Pick someone. Preferably a stuffy PC or NPC. Torment them by pointing
and yelling "I want my two dollars!"
278. Go to the grocery store. Buy some avocados. Give them to people. Leave
them places. Smear them on your face. Deny that avocados exist.
279. Buy some Transformers. Play with them constantly. If anyone asks, look
them straight in the face and say "They're more than meets the eye."
280. If conversing with werewolves (or Gangrel) talk only in barks, chirps,
grunts and groans. Howl badly.
281. The trees are waiting to get you. They are waiting for you to die the
Final Death so that they can sink their bloated roots into your corpse and
grow strong on your stinking flesh. Where do stakes come from? Trees. Best
to cut them all down now.
282. Look in that mirror over there. LOOK AT IT. It's only showing one
reflection, isn't it? Just one. One of you, one of them, one of
those...Now look around: one of you, one of them, one of those...
COINCIDENCE? I think not. Mirrors are slowly but surely imposing their
reality on all of us. Carry a hammer. Break them and force them to show
things how they really are.
283. There is one more place in this room where everything is reflected.
Your eyes. Her eyes. Their eyes. Smile and hold that hammer very
carefully.
284. Rash of sudden unexplained deaths? Zappa, Bixby, Burgess, Elvis? No
mystery to a Malkavian. They had to die or else HOW COULD IT
HAVE BEEN BROUGHT TO LIFE??????????
285. Sing "I'm a Little Teapot" when you are asked for input.
286. Eat a big meal before going to see the Prince. You know, a nice big
steak, some mashed potatoes, salad, orange juice... His place could do
with some color anyway. Spend Willpower to make sure you can choke it down.
"Gridley, you may vomit when ready."
287. Revert to childhood during combat. "No Daddy please don't hit me."
288. Roller skates are a godsend. Spray paint doubly so. Use it for Scrawl.
Use it for Scrawl even if you can't Scrawl.
289. Hide gasoline under the bed in your Haven. That way if anyone comes in
during the day and sets you on fire BOY WILL THEY BE
SURPRISED!!!!!!!!!
290. Go completely lucid for a whole minute. Tell everyone exactly what you
think of them, exactly what is going on, and some little tidbit that
nobody has been looking at (ask the GM for something minor). Then they will
start to EAT your EYEBALLS from the INSIDE!!!!
291. Self-mutilation, if you've got the blood to heal it.
292. Find out where a high-society play is going to be performed. Get a
bunch of friends and dress up like mimes with baseball bats. Beat the piss
out of the actors, declaring that they are all frauds, and that silence is
the only true art form.
293. Steal some sharks form an aquatic park. Put them in the Prince's pool
and tip off the coppers.
294. Find a Coke machine. Break into it and replace the cans with hand
grenades. Make bets to see how many teachers' cars get blown up by
vindictive students the next day.
295. Visit a modern art sculpture exhibit with a jackhammer.
296. (This would be a tough one...) Just before an attack submarine goes
out on an extended patrol, convince the entire crew that they are really a
German U-boat and that they must destroy all sea-faring vessels for the
Fatherland.
297. Call some friends in a nearby city. Have each group hijack a train and
head towards each other city on the same rail. Play chicken, of course.
298. Attend a cheerleading convention with a well concealed shotgun. Watch
for when they throw the little girl into the air. Once again, yelling
"Pull!" is considered good form before firing.
299. Go to an old folks home with a gun full of blanks. Make bets
beforehand to see how many heart attacks will be induced. (Yes, yes, I
know,
I'll probably get flames for that one...)
300. At an organ donor center, secretly replace some hearts with tomatoes.
301. Sneak into the Superdome before a Saints game with some friends. Try
to time dropping form the ceiling so you can sack the quarterbacks.
302. Go to a pet store after hours. Fleshcraft all the dogs to look like
Spuds MacKenzie.
303. Dress up like knights, carry around a bunch of shrubs, scream "Ni!" at
everyone, and throw grenades at rabbits. (Sorry Chris...) Chucking
coconuts with swallows nailed to them at pedestrians is strictly optional.
304. Think Scarborough Faire. Think real weapons.
305. Make a real cat-o-nine-tails.
306. Go to a fancy restaurant. When the waiter asks what you would like for
dinner, pull a dead cat out of your coat and tell 'em you want it
medium-well.
307. Get a rifle and a knife. Go defend the Alamo.
308. Go to a professional fencing match. Really up the juice on those foils.
309. Replace a prisoner slated for execution the night he is to be killed.
See how many times they throw the switch. Demand a doctor to check you
out and really confuse 'em.
310. Rob a bank that you know has marked bills. Over the course of the next
week, accost a lot of people and tell them, "Dis is a robbery!". Put
some of the stolen money in their wallets and purses. See how many get
hauled off for questioning the next day.
311. Dress up like Vikings, travel to England, and burn and pillage a small
coastal town.
312. (Only for the hardy and ambitious Kindred...) Go to Antarctica. Wipe
out all the scientists and the claim the international land as the domain
of
a certain Prince to all the authorities via radio. Run like hell and watch
the Justicars descend on the unfortunate Prince...
313. Attend an orchestra with a few Roman candles and some smoke bombs.
314. Claymores, the ultimate whoopee cushions.
315. Fill several balloons with chlorine gas, and give them away. Tell kids
they're filled with helium, and will make them talk funny if they inhale
the gas.
316. Air compressor. Glass beads. Catheter.
317. Switch the sides of beef in a meat locker with live cows from a pasture.
318. Free all the fish from an aquarium, deliver them to Sally Jessie on
the air, and explain that, "Once a PETA, always a PETA."
319. Raid a morgue. Replace the corpses with mannequins. Replace the
mannequins with corpses.
320. Dress up like muppets and hose people down with formaldehyde. Demand
to know, "What have you done with Kermit?"
321. Take over the Bastille, and start guillotining tourists.
322. Attend a showing of Bambi. Sit in the balcony, and use a sniper rifle
to drill Thumper.
323. You know those Super-Water Balloon Launchers they sell in the back of
Popular Science? You know small children? You know what to do.
324. For Valentines Day, encase someone's spouse in chocolate. Like, a lot
of chocolate. Make sure they're dead. Deliver with a large bow.
325. Get some SCUBA gear. Come out of the water and whack fishermen with a
large bass.
326. As above, but find someone wading. Have a friend grab their line and
take off. Then grab their ankles and take off.
327. Thermite grenades in the toilet! A LOT messier than cherry-bombs.
328. Go to Burger-King. Order a milkshake without the cup. If they
complain, remind them, "Your way, right away." I saw this somewhere but
can't remember where...
329. Dance naked somewhere. Explain that John Mellencamp made you do it.
330. Most air-force academies have rockets standing around. Steal one some
night, and then saturate the ground around it with fire from a
flame-thrower.
---Johnny Mayall---jmayall@jove.acs.unt.edu---http://people.unt.edu/~jmayall---
When I was a very small boy, very small boys talked to me;
Now that we've grown up together, they're afraid of what they see.
-New Order, "True Faith"
Welcome, gentle folk and sick bastages. Yup, you have been unfortunate
enough to have opened the fourth part of the Prankthology. Yes, that's
right, the grand pappy of prank lists. So sit back, grab some lime green
jello, pet your potato, and enjoy.
Disclaimer: High levels of Dominate, Obfuscate, Vissectitude, and Dementate
are highly suggested. 'Course, a good amount of Potence, Fortitude,
and Celerity never hurt anyone. Well, not us anyway...
Disclaimer the Second: If anyone takes any of this seriously, you are
weird. If you don't get help at Charter, get help somewhere. This is all in
fun,
twisted as it may be.
The Prankthology, Part Four of Five
331. Go to a night school. Find a geometry class. Demonstrate one practical
use for bisection and trisection on the instructor.
332. Find a biology class. As above but dissection.
333. Yuppie hunt!
334. Landmines on a football field.
335. Find a place that does nighttime skydiving. Sneak on board and stay
hidden until everyone starts jumping. Hitch a ride down with someone
right as they leap. Bonus points if your target pees themself.
336. (Variation on the above...) When everyone jumps, throw the pilot out.
Commandeer the plane and go back and see how many of the
skydivers you can hit before they land.
337. Go bowling with dynamite.
338. Find some idiots bungee jumping off a rural bridge at night. Bring
along some binoculars and a sniper rifle with a Starlight scope and a
silencer. Watch for looks of shock as the bungee jumper's buddies pull
their perforated friend up.
339. Find one of those places that makes animal ice sculptures during
Christmas season. Dress up like "the great white hunter" and bag a few
"savage beasts" with a shotgun and a British accent.
340. Replace a noted anthropology lecturer and unveil the secrets of Man's
evolution from the noble bunny rabbit.
341. Get a bunch of friends and dress up in togas. Go find Ted Kennedy
while on Capital Hill. Think Julius Caesar...
342. Brand a big "A" on the forehead of as many prostitutes you can find in
one night.
343. During the middle of a nighttime mass, run in and stake the priest
through the heart, screaming that he was a vampire. Tell them all that you
can prove it by taking out the stake and saying that he'll then get back up
again. When he stays dead on the floor, apologize and run like hell.
344. Find a bunch of obnoxious Goth punks. (Using dominate and Dementate,
of course...) Declare the technology is a MENACE created by the
ESTABLISHMENT to SHACKLE us and take away our FREEDOM and make us dress in
bright COLORS. When you get 'em all riled up, hand
out sledgehammers and lead them to Best Buy.
345. Find Alex Trabek. Say "The current President." If he doesn't answer "
'Who is' Bill Clinton", punch him in the mouth. Keep it up each night
with a new question and answer until he answers the correct way.
346. Entice the same Gangrel into frenzying each night in the presence of
the Prince until he looks like a wildebeest.
347. Find a Toreador who has a lovely little sculpture gallery. Tie 'em up
and pry his eyes open (watch A Clockwork Orange for pointers...).
Force him to watch while you spraypaint everything he holds dear neon purple.
348. Walk around exaggeratedly slow on tip-toes with a baseball bat. Whack
a curious passerby. Continue until the police catch up with you.
When they question you, tell them that you were just following Teddy
Roosevelt's advice.
349. Dress up like a cave man and get a spear. Go to a science museum and
attack the dinosaurs while singing the praises of mammals.
350. (You need to be able to hide real well on this...) Go to a night
court. Think whoopee cushion. Think porcupine. (Hey, v.a.l., we both had
whoopee cushion pranks. Sick minds think alike, eh?)
351. Go to an aquatic park. Steal a dolphin. Now go to a tuna fish cannery.
Beat the hell out of everyone with the dolphin. Then put the tuna
employees in the tank you took the dolphin from. Put the dolphin in one of
those big blue mailboxes. (Some disassembly required.)
352. Pick an NPC at random, someone very minor. Slaughter them mercilessly.
Insist they would have intervened at a crucial moment and
destroyed everyone. Explain it perfectly reasonably and rationally. Let
them think you're nuts.
353. Start posting Target Lists for your pranks at crucial places (Elysium,
the Tremere Chantry, on flyers at meetings, etc. listing dates names and
maybe even the nature of upcoming pranks. Adhere to the list strictly. Then
start to charge a fee for it. Then print a totally spurious list and go
back
to business as normal. Option: continue producing Lists. Slowly turn them
into demented collage work that everyone MUST STILL READ. Or
burn them, and read the future in the smoke.
354. Completely change minor personality traits for no reason. Like
alternative music? Practice sneering at everything but 20's cowboy songs.
Like
a particular author? Risk Rotschreck to burn every copy you own. Options: A
phase? A prelude to a personality shift or split? No reason at all? "I
was always like this?"
355. If for some reason your credibility gets too high, fictionalize
memories. Or develop an eidetic memory and become an idiot savant if it
gets too
low. Then drop them before the GM can charge you points for them.
356. (Only for the truly creative player). You are a failed Malkavian, who
still craves the security of a single reality. LOCK yourself into a single
reality-frame. Desperately try to believe it's the only one. Unfortunately
for you, it's not this reality---it's something else entirely.
357. Suddenly claim to have achieved Golconda. Live it. Put someone else on
the path. Then degenerate into slavering bestiality.
358. Find out when Gallagher's gonna give a show. Substitute one of his
watermelons with one filled with nitroglycerin.
359. (This one is extremely difficult and requires a very skilled
practitioner of Obfuscate and Dominate...) Get two orangutans. Mask them to
look
like two heavy-weight boxers right before a fight, and stuff the real
boxers in some small lockers. Unmask the overgrown chimps during the
middle of the first round.
360. (This is a variation of the above...) Replace two boxers before a
fight. Midway into the first round, both go Horrid Form and pound the
unlivin' bejesus out of each other. Ripping off a limb and beating the
other boxer with it is considered bad form.
361. Get some friends and dress up like pirates. Make filthy landlubbers (
that would most likely be Ventrue...) walk the plank off a skyscraper.
(Thanks, Babd, for reminding me...)
362. Dress up like a gold miner. Carrying a pickax and some dynamite, go to
an indoor mountain climbing establishment. Set up the dynamite and
inform all the claimjumpers that they have five seconds to leave before
they are evicted.
363. Go commandeer an eighteen-wheeler. Play chicken with the police
precinct building. No fear.
364. Go to a Blockbuster Video store dressed in a dark suit and sunglasses.
Get every copy of Bram Stoker's "Dracula" and start walking out of
the store. When confronted, tell the employees that you are on official FBI
business and that you are confiscating important federal evidence. When
they continue to argue, accuse one of them of being a vampire trying to run
a cover-up operation and behead him. Tell stunned onlookers that the
fact that he isn't getting back up while beheaded is proof that he was a
vampire. Hell, everyone knows beheading vampires kills 'em...
365. Get a pinstripe suit and a tommy gun. Go to a crowded bar. In your
worst Prohibition gangster voice, tell the barkeep, "Mr. Capone don't like
ya musclin' in on his business, see?". Then gun him down and shoot up all
his liquor. See how many people show up the next night.
366. Find a Tupperware party. Reenact the Salem witch trials/burnings.
(Damn Tupperware...)
367. Make yourself look like JFK, bullet holes, splatted brain, and all.
Call a press conference to tell America what really happened that fateful
day.
368. Sneak into a maximum security prison dressed like Death, scythe
included. Execute each death row inmate in his cell, but take his head with
you. Enjoy the media circus the following night. A week later, call up some
asinine show like "Hard Copy" with heads in hand...
369. Hijack a truckload of televisions. Sneak into an Amish community and
cement a TV into the living room of each house.
370. Get some friends. Nab as many younger Nosferatu as you can in one
night. Fleshcraft them all to look just like Fabio.
371. (Only for the truly sick and perverted pranksters...) Fleshcraft some
guy's manhood to the point where if he walks naked in the sand, he
leaves behind two footprints and a little ditch.
372. Dress up likes Moses. Go about Jewish communities and part small
bodies of water with hand grenades and C-4. Public pools open at night
are always nice...
373. Go to Lincoln's Log Cabin. Introduce it to modern technology, ala the
chainsaw.
374. Find one slightly cagey Prince. Now impersonating one of his more
trusted Primogen members, inform him conspiratorially that a Justicar is
coming to town. A few days later, after the rumors have had time to grow,
impersonate a Justicar. Walk up to the Prince in the middle of a
Primogen meeting and start pointing at him while laughing uproariously.
Throw a rubber chicken at him and leave.
375. Organize a Halloween festival with a "biting booth" to replace the
kissing booth. Start with humans wearing plastic fangs. Then join them and
show how it's really done.
376. Sneak a note under a Justicar's door saying:
"You, we of Gehenna await,
Your test is to find the way.
Seek now the hidden gate,
You have until the break of day."
Then go light fires all over town. Watch him scurry. Tee hee! (What do all
the fireman and police think about seeing the same person prowling
about all the fire scenes when they arrive? Does the Justicar brave the
flames? Twice? Get home by morning? Remember, camcorders are your
friends...)
377. Abduct one cow. Vandalize it by shaving all its hair off and painting
a biological hazard symbol on it. (The 'Precedent'.) The next night, steal
a dozen cows. Vandalize them all in the same way. Then turn them into
vamp-cows. Now fill their unused body cavities with plastic explosives
attached to a remote-control detonator. Drop the cows off at the police
precinct houses, and while the cops try to figure out what to do with a
bunch
of vandalized cows, detonate the explosives.
378. Get a slue of pigs and turn them all into vamp-chops. Now superglue
Crusader uniforms to them and release them in a mosque.
379. Miami Vice-letics!
a) Become accepted by your local werewolf sept as a good sort if a Bit weird.
b) Be exiled for challenging one of their Ahroun in too silly a manner.
c) Call on said Ahroun and take him on holiday to Jamaica.
d) While there, zap everyone's minds until you have made some two million
in poker.
e) Then give this to a random cocaine smuggler to set up as a hotelier, and
inspire him to be very good at it.
f) Get bored waiting for your exile to expire. Buy some speedboats.
g) Relieve boredom by watching several James Bond movies, and be inspired
by them to break up several major drug smuggling rings In 007's
trademark suave, debonair manner.
h) Remain miraculously unhurt by bullets.
i) Exit stylishly before local Settites throw a wobbly.
380. 400 Meter Ancient Deity Offending!
a) Use a Mage's Umbral computer to obtain Madonna's phone number.
b) Use Presence to persuade her to fly to Athens with you.
c) Continue and persuade top producers to help you record a song with her.
d) Keep going and convince all major radio stations to A-list the result.
e) Use your skill to write major league song encouraging goddess Athena to
pop up and make herself heard.
f) Spend rest of unlife fending off Camarilla Justicars with no sense of humor.
381. Take the entire Japanese whaling fleet into Pearl Harbor. Then while
the authorities are sweating over it, sink the lot. Blame the Russians.
382. Using Mask of a Thousand Faces, appear as a Tremere and be present
during one of their rituals. "Accidentally" screw it up and blame those
damn Malkavians.
383. Snag the account number for the local Prince's platinum American
Express Card. Watch the Home Shopping Network and order two of
everything. Send one to yourself and the other to the Ventrue Justicar with
regards from the Prince.
384. Go to an art class at night school. Cut off everyone's right ear.
385. Assassinate a big city mayor. Continue doing this until no one runs
for office. Bonus points for having each new mayor killed in a different
manner.
386. Go watch "Under Siege" with some friends. Then go off Steven Segal and
do it right.
387. Go gay bashing: beat the piss out of everyone with a smile on their
face. (Thought ya had me, didn't ya?)
388. Mosh pit. Carefully concealed personal tazer. Hours of entertainment.
389. Get one of those super slingshot water balloon launchers. Go to a
chicken farm. Reveal to them the secrets of flight.
390. Find one of those Carnival luxury cruise ships. Head way north. See
how far along cruiseships have come in terms of safe boat abandonment
since the Titanic.
391. Commandeer a C-5 Galaxy transport plane. Raid a car dealership. Play
Santa Claus from high altitude. (Thanks v.a.l.)
392. Once again, sneak into a zoo at night. Spraypaint all the primates
neon purple and dress a hippo in a pink tutu and ballerina slippers with
some
superglue.
393. Hydrochloric acid. Super Soaker 2000. Law School.
394. Find a flag burner. Torch 'em and ask how he likes it.
395. Get a steamroller. Have someone turbo-charge it. Go to a carnival and
see how many smears you can make. Bonus points for dumb-ass
mimes and clowns.
396. Get some friends and dress up like soldiers form Santa Anna's army.
Take back the Alamo from those rebellious Texans.
397. Dress up like Confederate soldiers. Storm the White House and kick out
the Yankee aggressors.
398. Get a cement truck. Cement over the "Walk of Stars". Bonus points for
snagging pedestrians.
399. Go to a cemetery and find some fresh graves. Grab some limbs and other
body parts. Now find a museum with some old statues. Replace any
missing parts and limbs with superglue and pilfered corpse pieces.
400. (This one's for you Matthew...) Go to France with a duffflebag full of
Bic razors. Enforce armpit shaving among the women.
401. Get some friends and dress up like Robin Hood and his Merry Band.
Hijack armored cars and give all the money to the homeless. See how
many keep it and get arrested.
402. On live TV, disembowel yourself and give a Roy Rogers lasso show with
your small intestine.
403. Dress up in a dog suit. Froth your mouth with shaving cream. Beat the
piss out of every employee in the post office. Make sure you bit all the
mailcarriers on the butt.
404. (Only for the truly life-defying vamps... or something like that...)
Locate and steal a nuclear warhead. (It may be best to import on this
part...)
Find a hippie commune. Decorate the warhead with peace slogans and
superglue the hippies to the warhead. Call the authorities and demand
global
disarmament.
405. Find one of those silly dude ranches. Dress up with some buddies like
Injuns. You know what to do by now...
406. Get a lot of friends. Go to Scotland. Dress up like Highlanders with
kilts and swords. Storm over Hadrian's Wall and punish the invaders to
the south.
407. Get some friends and dress up like the Power Rangers. Now go to an
elementary school and beat the piss out of every kid with a PR
lunchbox.
408. Convince an entire fraternity house that they are really walking on
the ceiling. Amusing to watch them cling to furniture and plead to be let
down.
409. Dominate some poor schlep into threatening that he's gonna jump off
the top of a building. Then wait for all the news crews and rescue people
to come on up. Now dominate them into threatening they're gonna jump...
410. Using four hundred gallons of spackle and a spatula, go to a zoo at
night and plug certain animal orifices. Put exlax in their food just before
dawn.
411. According to Jewish custom and law, insane personas are not held
accountable for their actions. Also, people are told specifically not to
harm
insane people. How about we take a trip to the Holy Land and beat a Hassid...
412. Wax the steps at an old folks home and yell, "Fire!".
413. Re-set Big Ben one minute ahead per day. For a month. Keep buying
expensive watches in London and returning them angrily.
414. Disguise yourself as Jim Morrisson and take a flight from Africa to L.A.
415. Install wind tunnels in a leper colony.
416. Spike a city's water supply with LSD.
417. Go to some plague or disease infested village and bring a friend. Now
re-enact the famous Monty Python "Bring out yer dead" skit.
418. Dominate a Salubri into thinking "Doctor Faustus" is the ultimate
authority on healing.
419. Find some jack-ass Torry you don't like. Now go find a Black Spiral
Dancer and tell him that someone calling themself a "White Howler" told
you to tell them to bugger off. Give directions to the Torry.
420. Find a somewhat small town. Just before dusk, have a bunch of ghouls
very quickly build a small wall in the middle of the main street.
Include rolled razor wire and spotlights. When the sun sets, come out
dressed like post WWII East German soldiers. Start screaming in German (or
just sound harsh and use a lot of phlegm) at the curious bystanders and
open fire. No one must cross the Berlin Wall. (When no one else will come
near enough to drill, label some of your more unobservant buddies as
capitalist sympathizing traitors...)
421. Get a couple of friends and some tow trucks. Declare a ritzy valet
parking garage a no parking zone. Whap valet attendants on the noggins
with the "No Parking" signs you ripped out of the ground on the way there
if they argue. Tow the offending vehicles to the police impound lot.
422. ...or if you can't get the two trucks, carve a parking violation
ticket onto each car's hood with a knife and superglue "No Parking" signs
to the
windshields.
423. Sneak into a local grocery store after hours. Peel a bunch of bananas.
Glue the peels back onto the banana-shaped plastique you brought and
put the produce on the bottom of the pile. Have ghouls with camcorders in
place the next day.
424. Get a bunch of nasty, preferably rabid, pitbulls. Go to a very fancy
restaurant. Declare all diners as trespassing on your land. Release the
hounds.
425. A "JUGGS" baseball throwing machine. A couple of bags full of
potatoes. A crowded movie theater. Multiple concussions, much blunt
trauma, and lots of giggles.
426. One commandeered garbage truck filled to the brim. The state
legislature building. Explain that you're only trying to consolidate the
location
of all the trash.
427. Find out where someone is doing a shark documentary. Glue a fake
dorsal fin on your back and a big row of souvenir shark teeth on your
mouth. See how much film coverage you can get when you attack another shark
with a fireman's ax.
428. A crowded whirlpool at a health club. A juiced-up cattle prod. Lot of
neat new hairdos.
429. Think dynamite fishing. Now think dynamite cattle herding.
430. Get a mobile anti-aircraft gun. Go to a busy airport. Declare duck
season open.
431. Steal a baby elephant. Make it watch a certain Disney movie. Hope it
has learned quickly as you launch it off of the Sears Tower.
432. Fleshcraft someone to look like Bill Clinton. Strip him naked and
superglue frozen waffles all over his body. Drop him off in front of the
Senate Building during session. Dominate him into going inside screaming "I
never inhaled! Really!".
433. Watch TV all night and write down the address of every frivolous
lawyer who advertises. The next night, visit each one and superglue a
whiplash neckbrace onto him. Damn weasels...
434. Find a building where people regularly commit suicide. Wait for a
person to try and kill themselves by jumping. Talk them out of it. As they
are about to come of the ledge, push 'em off.
435. Go to a big parking garage. Take the front license plate off of every
vehicle there. Now go stack them in a pile in front of the Post Office.
(Placing a potato carved into the bust of Henry Ford on top of the pile is
optional, but considered good form.)
436. (Prank Story...) One twelfth generation Malkavian gets elected Prince
of a major city. Now, Maxwell, a sixth generation Gangrel and former
Prince, comes back to reclaim his throne. Now Abraham (the Malk) phones up
Maxwell and challenges him to personal combat for the Princehood.
Rules are that no aggravated damage be done and all hits must be weapons,
not hand to hand. Maxwell laughs and accepts. The next night, Abe
shows up. Waiting are Maxwell and quite few other vampires along with
Abraham's friends. They both prepared themselves, and the duel began.
Now Abraham yells to Maxwell, "You have been the Prince of Chicago, and so,
as the present Prince, I will now show you a sign of my respect
for you."
He then turns around, drops his drawers, and flatulates at Maxwell.
Maxwell, of course, frenzies and loses control. Most of the watching
vampires
jump off the roof and run. Maxwell throws his sword at Abraham, grows
claws, charges, and assaults him hand to hand. A friend of Abe's then
interferes, using Telekinesis to pull Maxwell off Abraham. And so the
little Malk defeats his foe and pranks the entire city in the process...
437. Find a place that sells firewood. Buy a bunch of it. Now douse it in
gasoline and light it. Argue with proprietor that he never stipulated
anything about location...
438. Steal a grizzly bear. Superglue a forest ranger hat on his head, a can
of gasoline in one had, and a Zippo in the other. Let 'em loose near the
fire station.
439. Sneak into a grocery store after hours again. Superglue worms to every
apple.
440. A baseball bat, some grenades, and a marching band at a parade. Bonus
points for floats.
---Johnny Mayall---jmayall@jove.acs.unt.edu---http://people.unt.edu/~jmayall---
When I was a very small boy, very small boys talked to me;
Now that we've grown up together, they're afraid of what they see.
-New Order, "True Faith"
Welcome, gentle folk and sick bastages. Yup, you have been unfortunate
enough to have opened the fifth part of the Prankthology. Yes, that's
right, the grand pappy of prank lists. So sit back, grab some lime green
jello, pet your potato, and enjoy.
Disclaimer: High levels of Dominate, Obfuscate, Vissectitude, and Dementate
are highly suggested. 'Course, a good amount of Potence, Fortitude,
and Celerity never hurt anyone. Well, not us anyway...
Disclaimer the Second: If anyone takes any of this seriously, you are
weird. If you don't get help at Charter, get help somewhere. This is all in
fun,
twisted as it may be.
The Prankthology, Part Five of Five
441. Tie someone to some railroad tracks. Dress up like Superman. Stand on
the tracks and try and stop the train from smushing the poor sap.
Bonus points for good hang time.
442. (This one may take a lot of work...) Build a very large mousetrap
(life-size). Now fleshcraft some sucker into looking like a huge rat. (You
may need some gray spraypaint here.) Arm the trap and throw ratboy on it.
Now relocate the filled trap to the lawn in front of the Senate.
Spraypaint "You're Next" on the sidewalk.
443. Get yourself hit by a bus. Struggle feebly on the ground. When the
paramedics arrive, feign a slow heartbeat. Once at the hospital, wait til
they put you under (heh, heh) and begin operating. Open your eyes and give
helpful pointers to the doctors.
444. Set up one of those super slingshot launchers behind a drive-in movie
screen. Think car batteries.
445. Rip out your eyeballs before sleeping one day. The following night,
take them and superglue them on the front door of town hall. Carve "Big
Brother Is Watching" on the door.
446. Go to a boating show. Get a jetski and a box of dynamite. Destroy the
evil Spanish Armada.
447. Go to a basketball game. Find a very hidden spot in the rafters. Have
a sniper rifle with a big scope, a good silencer, and a flash suppresser.
See how many three pointers you can gun down halfway there. Shooting the
players is considered bad form.
448. Go to a journalist convention. Demonstrate to them the real meaning of
decimation.
449. Go to an unemployment office during a busy time. Rob it just for the
confused expressions you'll get.
450. Go to a suicidal feelings help group. Halfway into the session, pull
out a gun and shoot yourself in the head. Put it away and tell everyone
you feel much better. See how many people still stay. Bonus points if you
can get someone to help you pick up your brains.
451. A porcupine in each fist. A mosh pit. 'Nuff said.
452. (Only for the truly sick and perverted male pranksters...) Cut off
your tallywhacker. (Don't worry, it'll grow back...) Superglue a live
garder
snake in it's place. Go to a doctor telling him you have a small problem...
453. Find a lone werewolf. With some friends, restrain him somehow. Now
immolate him. Take the ashes and put them in a desk at the local TV
station. Imagine the suprised looks when furbutt regenerates in a mildly
irritated frame of mind. (Did I just open a door to portable werewolf
bombs?...)
454. (Prank story...) Well, once there were a bunch of Malkavians who
wanted to join a Sabbat pack and lead it. And they were all named Frank...
no, not each one named Frank, more like a pack name or group mind or
something. So they came up and challenged for monomacy, and the Brujah
who led the pack said all right. They said you'll have to fight 'Frank',
and he said okay. So the Malks all jumped on him and beat the piss out of
him. Then they ran the pack forever and ever until they were killed by Lupines.
455. Drop Anvils on the members of that group that gripes to Congress about
violence in cartoons.
456. Go to a feminist rally. Dominate all of the women into believing that
they are Lorena Bobbit. (For the truly sick, fleshcraft them all into
looking like her also.) Lead them to a bar and let them loose with anything
form daggers to chainsaws. Watch the Oscar Meyers fly...
457. (Variation on last one) ... and Dominate them all into thinking that
being a housewife is God's gift to women.
458. Go to a dance club with a big gun. Wait until they play "Head Like a
Hole" by Nine Inch Nails. Let some of the club customers experience the
song firsthand.
459. Put on bunny ears and hop around the local park telling everyone you
are a bunny rabbit. Get indignant and shoot any who say otherwise.
460. Grenades make great Easter eggs, and kids will eat anything.
461. Find one of those dumbass stock ponds. At night, catch a bunch of the
fish, ghoul 'em, stick some explosives into them, and let 'em back in
the water. Let those idiots who think stock fishing is a sport find a big
surprise the next day. (Fishing with a spear or one of those accursed fly
rods... now that's sport.)
462. Take one C-5 Galaxy military transport plane. (Thanks v.a.l.) Load it
to overflowing with pigs. Head for the Mid-East. Fly over some
mosques and synagogues... pork's away!
463. Get on a plane with a parachute in your backpack. Bring a military
duffel full of more chutes. Halfway into the flight, put yours on. When
people ask, tell them the pilot is about to suffer from some debilitating
accident and hand out the parachutes to the highest bidders. Stuff any
protesting flight attendants into the duffel. Go shoot the pilot and crew
and put one through the cockpit just for good measure. Now go follow
everyone who's jumping out. On the way down, practice your aerial
marksmanship on the other chutists. (Yes, I know... This one's just plain
mean.)
464. Go to an indoor firing range. Sneak downrange to where the targets
are. Stand up and take the place of one of the targets. Get offended when
they tag you and return fire. The ensuing chaos should be quite amusing.
465. Declare yourself a religious messiah and get some followers. Act real
hypocritically. Shoot whoever's stupid enough to still follow you.
(Actually, this one could show up on the "Good Deed For Society" list...)
466. Find some uptight Brujah. Steamroll them from the waist down. Toss the
frenzying torsos into a local police precinct or television station.
Watch the news the following night for laughs.
467. A bulldozer. A modern art sculpture. A passed out Toreador. (Too easy.)
468. Put some concrete shoes on a local, well-known vampire and throw him
into a swimming pool. Now place a "live" electrical cord into the
pool. Call the news and cops, hide, and see how he tries to get out of this one.
469. Set a very large building very much on fire. While the firefighters
are busy, paint the entire interior (furniture and anyone left behind
included)
of the firehouse white with black spots.
470. Spraypaint a lot of hamsters neon purple. Release them on the grounds
of a nuclear research facility. Call a news team.
471. Tar and feather a handful of Nosferatu. Sneak into a baseball stadium
during a night game and force them onto the field. Chase 'em around
with cattle prods until the police come out. Then Obfuscate and run.
472. Sneak into a music store at night. Steal every "GreenDay" (or insert
your favorite psycho band here) album and spraypaint on the floor:
"Evidence impounded for violation of Clan Secrecy Act #204F."
473. Get a whole lot of rats. Spraypaint them all yellow. Put them in a
truck and release them next to the wave pool at a water park. Start
announcing on the PA the proper methods of repelling a lemming invasion.
(Thanks, v.a.l.)
474. Get Bigfoot (the truck). Go muddin'. Substitute the crowd at a
skinhead rally for mud.
475. Just for kicks, find some Dungeons and Dragons players and fleshcraft
them into exact likenesses of their characters. (Dwarves are the most
fun...)
476. Sneak into a Volkswagen dealership. Hang a picture of the founder in a
prominent place. See how long it takes for the dealership to close.
(Volkswagen was founded as a government owned company in Nazi Germany under
orders from Adolf Hitler.)
477. With a little creative automechanics, that stuffy Ventrue finds out
how much fun chicken can really be.
478. Play Russian Roulette with a shotgun.
479. Find a newborn baby of some really religious couple and spraypaint
'666' on its forehead.
480. Knock out the mayor and take him to the morgue. After half an hour of
scandalous photos, call up a local paper.
481. Walk around a slum counting money. When you get mugged, stick your
finger in the gun's barrel. If your finger gets blown off, regrow it
before the mugger's eyes. Then kill him.
482. Dress up as Jesus and tell a fanatic cult that they are doing it all
wrong.
483. Recreate the JFK assassination to test the Single Bullet Theory.
484. Play strip poker with the biggest prude among the Toreador, Tremere,
or Ventrue. Then Dominate them into thinking they lose.
485. Have a ghoul sneak into the Prince's haven during the day and move the
Prince to a different (but safe) location. Call him the next night
saying you've kidnapped his house and are demanding a ransom.
486. Go to an airport and off an air traffic controller. Then play with his
lights.
487. Go to Blockbuster Video and switch the labels on the "Debbie Does X"
movie series with the Barney tapes.
488. Force the greyfaces to bungee jump off of a bridge. Oops, the cords
are a little too long. Oh well.
489. Hang your childe by his feet over a subway tunnel. Make sure the
trains don't hit him, but come real close.
490. Same as above, but with someone else's childe. And who cares if the
trains hit?
491. Find a tight ass and jam the jaws of life up there to help him loosen up.
492. Capture deprogrammers and program them.
493. Rob a bank asking for large, marked bills.
494. Stalk a stalker.
495. Break into a local school, and put the janitor into the food. Make
sure to clean up before you leave, and correct the menu for the next day.
496. Act normal for a night. Freak out the straights.
497. Break into a poor family's apartment, and leave money and valuables
behind.
498. (See above) Next night, call the cops with descriptions of your stolen
possessions.
499. Get a nude photo of Mother Theresa.
500. .thgin eritne na rof sdrakcab kaepS
501. Go to a Bible reading with Anton LaVey's version. They never said
WHICH Bible, did they?
502. Crazyglue a victim's mouth and nostrils shut. Sit back and watch
Letterman while checking on his progress.
503. Hide under a kid's bed or in his closet. When the kid complains about
a monster and the parents check, scream loudly and make the most
horrifying face you can before running away loudly.
504. Feed a pit bull your blood, then brush its teeth and let it loose on
the neighborhood.
505. Dominate the Prince into thinking that he's the leader of the local
Anarchs, and Dominate the local Anarch leader into thinking he's the
Prince.
506. Go to Disneyland. Then murder the Beast while screaming something
about werewolves.
507. Kill the Sabbat recruiters. Then dig up their initiates. Knock them
out again and rebury them. Face down.
508. Go to a supermarket and maim an aisle clerk. Then go to the front and
announce, "Clean up on aisle five.".
509. Kidnap a rival and make him re-enact "Dances With Wolves".
510. Force David Duke to strip and run naked through Harlem. Play loud
polka music to wake everyone up.
511. Take a midget to the top of the hill. Tie his limbs each to four large
trucks aimed to the points of the compass. Now put the trucks in neutral.
512. Go to a porn movie and loudly discuss the symbolism inherent in each
scene.
513. Set up a "chess" serial killing, where each victim represents a piece
and each murder a square. Tell the police about it ahead of time. Then play
checkers.
514. Dominate Farrakhan into thinking he's Bill Cosby.
515. Go to a rock concert and take it over. Play "Ice, Ice, Baby...".
516. Attend the wake of someone with a large, respectable family. Obfuscate
to look like a relative (who is, of course, bound and gagged in his
own closet with a five year old boy), and when it is your turn to pay your
respects, stare solemnly at the corpse and burst out laughing.
517. Replace the floss of someone you don't like with bits of a Brillo pad.
518. Climb to the top of a skyscraper to the Ventrue boardroom and leave a
Garfield window-clinger on the window.
519. Break into a Tremere's sanctuary while he's away. Then turn the entire
room upside- down with superglue and a screwdriver.
520. Put a time bomb in a public place and let the police know about it.
Tell them that if the place is evacuated, you'll detonate it. Tell them the
exact
location of the bomb. Then have it go off when the timer reaches half an hour.
521. Tattoo people in their sleep.
522. Replace Rorschach cards with porn pictures. Then Dominate the
psychiatrist into thinking they're perfectly normal.
523. Graffiti the White House. The more outrageous the slogans, the better.
524. On Valentine's Day, dress up like Cupid. Use real arrows and enforce
your choice of love interests through liberal use of superglue.
525. Cement snowmen in front of town hall.
526. One KKK member. A fifty gallon drum of honey. A couple of beehives.
The forty yard dash.
527. Think rodeo. Think doggie-tying. Now think big, annoying, purple dinosaurs.
528. Go to a militant feminist rally. Superglue frilly lace bras to their
foreheads and herd/chase a bunch of them to a Victoria's Secret store.
529. Get one rolled up magazine. Walk down a crowded New York street and
randomly whack people on the nose, saying "Bad dog!"
530. Play "pin the tail on the donkey" with a real donkey. And a staple gun.
531. Paint big yellow smiley faces on each manhole in a big city.
532. Go to a crowded pool hall. Play marbles with the pool balls and use
the sticks to fence for the last marble.
533. Go to a news convention. Spraypaint a pentegram in the middle of the
floor. Start chanting incoherently and then turn into a "demon"
(Obfuscate or Vissectitude will work well). See how many journalists
actually stick around to hear the retelling of your troubled childhood in
Hades.
534. Know anyone who says, "Wild horses couldn't drag me away!"? Prove them
wrong.
535. Get a bag full of multicolor neon spraypaint and find the Lippizano
Stallions.
536. (Prank story...) New Orleans has been invaded and taken over by a
marauding horde of hostile vampires. Almost all of the local vamps are
dead. One survivor is a little Malkavian who has Obfuscated to escape nine
Brujah giving chase. So she follows them back to their hideout by
hanging onto their truck. Forgoing lighting a blowtorch over their
windshield, she follows them inside once they stop in front of an abandoned
building. Down through the basement and into the sewers they go, leading to
the victorious army celebrating their victory, which they had been
planning for one hundred years. As they were gallivanting about, the little
Malkie noticed that they were partying amid their stockpile of ammo and
explosives that they used to take over the city.
So she did what any normally crazed Malkavian-- armed only with a Bic
lighter, an aerosol can, and a yo yo-- would do. She found a stick of
dynamite, lit it, and threw it towards the pile 'o boom. Then, by the grace
of Caine (and a liberal expenditure of blood), she gets out of the building
just before it blows sky high, sending every last one of the invaders to
their Final Death. The resulting fireball was enough to send every
remaining
vampire for miles into Rotcshreck, and the earth shifted with the force of
a minor earthquake. Not only did she make it out, she made it out without
a scratch. And to put the icing on the cake of her being the last vamp in
New Orleans... the building that got blown up was the Toreador
Primogen's haven and nightclub.
537. Telephone surveys and sales. Endless opportunities for an endless
number of products! (And would you like a DNA sample with that bloody
glove, sir?)
538. Go to the Middle East. Draw a line in the sand. Declare yourself a
sovereign nation. When the real owner of the sand comes to object, declare
yourself an oppressed democracy and call on the good 'ole U S of A to
depend your poor little country. Needless to say, you should be receiving
some rather impressive merchandise immediately. You won't be putting that
on the mantle!
539. (If you did the last one real well, you could get a nuke...)
Disassemble the merchandise and smuggle it back to the States. Stopping by
the
duty-free shop in Heathrow is a good idea. I recommend several bottles of
twenty one year old Springbrook... a wonderful, complex Cambeltown
Malt! When you get home, reassemble said merchandise on your front lawn.
Now, mix up some nice iced tea with all the sugar your little heart
desires. Park yourself in the front lawn, aim that sucker at town hall, and
declare: "Just try and raise my property taxes!".
540. Take one large, airtight jar. Modify a vacuum to create a strong
vacuum pump that empties into said jar. Obfuscate and follow a Gangrel that
can turn to mist. When they do so, vacuum the little tree hugger into the
jar. Seal it quickly! With the proper decoration (such as 'Smell of the
Hunt
Bathoil'), makes a wonderful party gift for anyone deserving a surprise.
(U.S. snail mail takes so long to deliver a package... they tend to be
extremely hungry when they are released.)
541. Attend a lecture. Sit in the front row, central seat. Rest your chin
on your hands and stare at the lecturer's ear. Smile. Continue to do so
throughout lecture. Partway through, pull out a large knife and start
flipping it into the air and catching it. Keep staring and smiling. Fumble.
Keep
staring and smiling. Repeat as necessary.
542. Go to Wales (Britain). Find out all the Londoners who own weekend
homes and holiday cottages in Wales, and burn their London homes flat
in one night. Should do wonders for the local economy.
543. Help build the M25 Canal (M25: Car Park encircling London). Use C-4.
To help promote the image of an official council worker, do it during
rush-hour.
544. Get some friends and lots of explosives. Dress up like office workers
and demolition engineers. One is now from the Ministry of Transport,
one from a major car company, one from a petrol company, one from the
Ministry of the Environment, etc. Argue about the merits of various
forms of transport. Punctuate counterpoints by blowing up rails, roads, etc.
545. Use the Norwegian whaling fleet to ram and sink the Japanese whaling
fleet.
546. Float a high-explosive whale with a remote detonator. Let the fleets
haul it on board...
547. Tell the world that there are too many babies being born. Demand a
limit of two per couple. Enforce your ruling with a chainsaw.
548. Say fraud is now a capital offense. Begin executing Councilors,
Senators, lawyers, etc.
549. Find something really threatening and demand the return of all gerbils
and fish to their natural habitats.
550. Fleshcraft a bunch of weightlifters into looking like Arnold
Schwarzenegger. Dominate them into hunting down everyone with the last name
of Conner. Make a few more and have them protect the Conners.
---Johnny Mayall---jmayall@jove.acs.unt.edu---http://people.unt.edu/~jmayall---
When I was a very small boy, very small boys talked to me;
Now that we've grown up together, they're afraid of what they see.
-New Order, "True Faith"
Welcome, gentle folk and sick bastages. Yup, you have been unfortunate
enough to have opened the sixth part of the Prankthology. Yes, that's
right, the grand pappy of prank lists. So sit back, grab some lime green
jello, pet your potato, and enjoy.
Disclaimer: High levels of Dominate, Obfuscate, Vissectitude, and Dementate
are highly suggested. 'Course, a good amount of Potence, Fortitude,
and Celerity never hurt anyone. Well, not us anyway...
Disclaimer the Second: If anyone takes any of this seriously, you are
weird. If you don't get help at Charter, get help somewhere. This is all in
fun,
twisted as it may be.
The Prankthology, Part Six of Five
550. Fleshcraft a bunch of weightlifters into looking like Arnold
Schwarzenegger. Dominate them into hunting down everyone with the last name
of Conner. Make a few more and have them protect the Conners.
551. Hijack a Saturn V Rocket. Fire it at Baghdad.
552. Find one Tremere weaker in the blood than you. Let him know that you
are just one generation better than him. Let on that you don't take any
security precautions because "nobody's gonna diablerize a kook, are they?".
Conspiratally let him know where you live and that you leave your key
under the doormat due to your absentmindedness. Oh, and ask him if he has
any remedies to counter being extremely lethargic and weak when you
wake... Once he's got the idea, make yourself really annoying, just to make
sure he wants to diablerize you. Pretend he's your best friend and
never leave his side. Play pranks and ask him if he wants to play magic
cards. Every ten minutes. Once you've got him sufficiently riled up (your
Auspex should help you know when), start yawning and tell him you have to
go home to sleep now. Now, get one of those soda-stream machines,
various bits of piping, knives, scalpels and so on (this will take a bit of
work, or you could just stick a CO2 cylinder in your mouth and open the
valve). Carbonate your blood until you can't stand it anymore, and then
jump up and down for a half hour. When you here the Tremere at the door,
lie down and pretend to be fast asleep. The moment he bites into you...
WHOOOOOSH! Fizzy blood all over the room and one confused as hell
witch.
553. For fun at those anxious trials, ram a thumbtack into a can of shaving
cream and toss it near the lawyers. Offering to shave them yourself is
purely optional. Or use a tack and a can of peppermace to spice up those
boring Primogen meetings. (p.s. Burma Shave...)
554. Go to the bathroom at a fancy hotel. Eat the urinal deodorants. Come
out munching on one and ask the hotel manager if he has any cherry
flavored ones.
555. Grab a random mortal and drag them to Lover's Leap. Tell her that
you'll jump if she doesn't profess her love for you. Jump before she has
the chance to say anything. Claw your way back to the summit and exclaim,
"I knew you loved me!". Kiss her passionately and run away.
556. Fun things to do with a launcher capable of firing birds at speeds of
150 mph:
a) Stuff a seagull into one and find Dave Winfield. See if he likes how it
feels.
b) Launch a barrage at a vegetarian's house after dipping them in blood.
c) New twist on "Trick or Treat".
d) Re-enact the Roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote (all hail Coyote) sequences
on Main Street.
e) Launch a fowl from hen house into the farmer's living room with a threat
attached.
f) New way for terrorists to get past those pesky metal detectors at airports.
g) Stress test a cat.
h) Go to a shooting range and tell everyone it's the latest in silenced weapons.
i) Whack a bystander with one just to see the "Fowl Play" headlines the
next day.
j) Raining cats and dogs? Wouldn't chickens be more interesting at
hypervelocities?
k) Launch headless chickens at the houses of voodoo practitioners.
l) Two words... live television.
m) Douse a chicken in lighter fluid, light it, and launch it onto the stage
at a rock concert.
n) Kentucky Fried Chicken to gooooooooooooooo!
o) Long range enemas.
p) A new act for Gonzo.
q) New meaning to giving someone the bird.
r) A bird in hand is worth two over Busch Gardens?
s) Rambo's answer to "Duck, duck, goose".
t) Duck Season. Opening Day. Wait on the other side of a duck blind, wait
for the fake duck calls, and FIRE!
u) Go to an airport. Confuse the hell out of air traffic controllers.
v) Drive-by duckings...
w) Use the launchers to launch free-range chickens at the protesters around
the free-range chicken farms. See how long protesters stay dedicated to
saving the ammunition that's sending them to the hospital.
x) Anyone seen Pink Floyd? Use the launchers, loaded with chickens, to
knock out the pigs Pink Floyd uses in their show. See how many
newspapers report "A New Twist on an Old Pink Floyd Theme", which could be
subtitled "How many reporters were stoned at the show last
night"....
y) Take sparrow shots at bird watchers. They'll never look at birds the
same way again.
z) Go bird hunting. With birds.
aa) Go pheasant hunter hunting with pheasants.
bb) Heavy artillery. Ostrich mortars.
cc) Shoot one of those people in the "I feel like chicken tonight"
commercials with a large hen and see how long they keep their appetite for
it.
557. Locate a local vampire hunter. Sneak into his bedroom at night and
spread bear traps all over his floor. Now go and howl horrendously in his
ear. Obfuscate and watch the little Mexican dancing bean go.
558. (This one requires the ability to go to Arcadia...) Find one Tremere
in charge of a chantry. Inform the fellow that you have decided to help the
Tremere to further their knowledge by switching out all of their books of
rituals with comic books. While the little witch goes off with an ulcer to
recheck his security precautions, switch out the books via the Arcadia
express. It's fun to see a grown Tremere cry.
559. One night, sneak onto the Prince's grounds with some gasoline. Using
said petrochemical substance, write "Prince ________ Rapes
Hamsters" in large letters in the grass. Once the grass dies and the fuming
Prince hires some landscapers to replace it, Dominate them into using
dandelion seeds instead of grass. (Or draw a nice little picture with the
gasoline.)
560. Find one of those cement/concrete cutting machines. Use it to carve
insults to the Prince in front of town hall. Now find some of his ghouls
(or herd) and leave your initials using their limbs.
561. Grow your hair long, put on a loincloth, and procure a mule's jawbone.
No go to a synagogue and accuse them of slander. Give 'em the real
story. Use the jawbone and unsuspecting Jews for illustration.
562. Get a _lot_ of alcohol and grab some mortals. No go to a dog kennel
and get violently plastered with them, making sure to save a little for the
next day. When you next wake with your new buddies, 'convince' them to get
a bit 'of the hair of the dog that bit them'.
563. Paint a large red bullseye on a building one night. On the next night,
burn that building down. Continue this, eventually targeting favored
locations of Primogen members. Now start painting and burning their ghouls
and herd. Finally paint a Primogen member. On the next night, while
his paranoia runs rampant, hijack a firetruck. Now drive it through his
haven and proceed to hose him down. Throw lit matches at him and laugh.
564. Find some kids playing marbles. Use one of your eyes. Deny it.
565. Superglue some frat boys together side by side and fleshcraft them
into looking like the Mt. Rushmore Presidents.
566. Find the director/producer of 'First Knight' and beat him. Severely.
(Sorry, a little Public Service Announcement snuck in there...)
567. Go to a popular Kindred hangout with a few friends. Bring some
toasters and a lot of Pop Tarts (frosted are the best). Now scare the piss
out
of everyone with Pop Tart flame-throwers. Projectile launching is purely
optional. (Thanks to Dave Barry for this one.)
568. Go to McDonald's. Bring back the barter and haggling system. Two dead
chickens and a few live rats ought to be at least worth a Big Mac
with some fries.
569. Find someone who loves Oreos. Sneak in one night and lick all of the
filling off of each cookie. Now replace the missing filling with Elmer's
Glue.
570. Find a solitary vampire that fears werewolves. Sneak into his haven
while he's away and paint a werewolf face on his bathroom mirror. Next
night, scatter lupine teeth, claws, and hair about the house. (Fur clogging
the sink and shower drain are nice additions.) Get some friends to howl
around his house before he goes to sleep for the day. Keep this up for a
few days. Then approach him in friendship (heh, heh) and present him
with a wolfskin rug. Tell him it belonged to a werewolf you killed. On the
next night, sneak into his house and scrunch yourself into the wolf rug
and Obfuscate. Wait 'til he wakes up the next night and walks past the rug.
Then jump up and give him a good kick in the behind while snarling
and growling. (Bonus points if he passes out.) Run away snarling and
slobbering in the rug (after all, you _did_ kill the werewolf, eh?). The
next
night, dress up in the wolfskin rug and go find the vampire. After he quits
screaming and trying to run away, tell him it was all a joke. Give him
back the rug. If he takes it well, remember his name for the "sucker" list.
If he takes it poorly, do this... Get some friends and find a solitary
werewolf. Subdue it. Now drag it to the vamp's house just before he gets
back. Then cut up wolfboy so that it will take a few minutes for him to
regenerate, stuff him in the wolf rug, and run like hell.
571. Get some females Malks together. Get some traffic cones and dress up
like Volaris (and Fleshcraft to look like Madonna).
572. Heat up some quarters with a butane torch at a junior high school. Now
throw them on the ground in front of the cafeteria as the lunch bell
rings. Or do the same with a pretty ring and drop it in front of a Torry
with an affinity for hand jewelry.
573. Experience something very erotic and pleasurable. Now go to a party.
See that dancer who thinks she's so cool? Use Chimestry to make her
feel _exactly_ what you just felt. Should be quite interesting to see her
flop to the floor in the middle of her climax.
574. (Chimestry users only...) Use Horrid Reality to cause a Kindred to
feel as if he were at zero blood.
575. (Prank story...) The Prince had just been overthrown, and a Malkavian
was put in the position of power. Then a Brujah Archon and Justicar
showed up, threatened to call a Blood Hunt on any who left the premises,
and interrogated all within, adding a few executions for spice. So much
for the Malk Prince. Now a little Ravnos, either bored or deciding that
this town was not quite healthy, planted an illusion of Sebastion (the
recently
deceased Malk Prince) on the Archon. Everyone got very excited (Sebastion?!
You're alive!), and the Brujah frenzied. In the ensuing chaos, the
Ravnos managed to slip out and was never seen again. Lucky thing, for a
Blood Hunt against her still stands. Of course, there is now a permanent
illusion of Sebastion standing in the middle of the nightclub.
576. You know those little green Gideon Bibles? Start sneaking them into a
prominent location a the Elysium. Every night. Once a few people get
upset at this happening, plant a load of Gideon Bibles on some schlep
vampire. Now sneak a few into his pockets and "uncover" the Gideonite in
the middle of the Elysium. Suggest as punishment superglueing the Bibles to
his face. 577. SaranWrap. A Princes Rolls Royce. Ought to be nice
after sitting in the sun for a while. (Can anyone say shrink-wrap? I knew
you could.)
578. Take someone's keys, stick them in the door lock, and break them off.
579. Right before the Prince gets in his limo for the night, link a chain
from his rear axle to his house. (Or better yet a stone statue if he has
one.)
580. Find some Torry that has a rose garden he dotes over. Get some seeds
from a really ugly looking weed and plant them. Spraypaint the roses a
sickly looking yellow and spread some lime in the garden.
581. Use Horrid Reality to make the Elysium door seem locked. But only to
the Prince. Should really make that little neonate in front of him awful
smug. Create a step that isn't there for those tight-ass Ventrues.
582. Obfuscate. Now create an illusion of yourself as a target. Now create
an illusion of someone else to go attack the illusion of you and run
away. Now come back as yourself and go confront the person who 'attacked' you.
583. Create illusions of dead Kindred and have them wander around as
ghosts. Freak out one of the live vampires by then having a ghostly
illusion
of himself tell him how he's going to die tomorrow night.
584. Spend the weekend attending all the weddings in your neighborhood.
Wear white. (No, no, that doesn't mean go naked...)
585. Get into a crowded elevator. Stand with your back to the door, facing
everyone else. Start conversations with everyone. In the middle of one,
completely ignore the persons and start talking to someone else.
586. If the elevator isn't so crowded, smile at people and then watch the
control display intensely. When the lift begins to go down, gasp in horror,
push people out of the way, and tap frantically at the controls. Then
scream, "They're jammed!", and force the control box open. Pretend you're
James Bond trying to defuse a nuclear device. Take a vote on whether you
should cut the red wire or the black wire. Say "ooops" at least once.
(Bonus points for stopping on floor 007. Triple bonus points if the
building only has six floors.)
587. You know that Ventrue that drives around _everywhere_ in that fancy
car? Sneak in one night, put a Vanilla Ice tape in the tapedeck, turn up
the volume, and use epoxy glue and rubber cement to make sure the volume
stays turned up, the power on, and the tape in.
588. Find a Caitiff that thinks the Prince doesn't like him. Offer to help
him out by asking him to deliver a gift to the Prince from you. Tell him
that
he can say it's actually from himself instead. (The gift is a shirt saying:
I joined the Camarilla and all I got was this lousy T- shirt.)
589. Spraypaint a tricksy Mokole purple. Sneak him onto the Barney show.
590. You know those credit card offers you always get with that business
reply envelope already paid for? Send them you're tongue.
591. (Only for early risers...) You know that vain little Torry who's
always so damned annoying? Use Fleshcraft to give him a face only a
Nosferatu mother would love.
592. Establish an alternate identity. Build it up real well, so that every
detail is perfect. Then contact the Assimites and take out a contract on
your
real self. For bonus points, misinform them about your capabilities and
kill their assassin. This would be a good time for that alternate identity
to
vanish. Now the Ass-mites won't ever take out another contract on you again
since you've already survived one attempt. Of course, if they find out
what you've done, a holiday might be a good idea. Somewhere a long, _long_
way away. The moon, perhaps.
593. Disguise yourself as a Samedi (Obfuscate may be handy here). Go to
Toreador parties, and try to get in by telling the bouncer that you are a
Torry. When he throws you out, wait about ten minutes. Then try again,
wearing a false mustache. Repeat with wig, dark glasses, fetching
mini-skirt, shaved nose hair, and so on. On no account should the disguises
be convincing. When the bouncer finally gives up and lets you in (or
frenzies, forcing you to kill him and getting in anyway), wander about and
act just like a Toreador. Tell everyone it's performance art (which it is,
in a way). If you are feeling really brave, try the same thing at a
werewolf moot - but use a werewolf skin as your disguise. Make sure your
medical insurance is paid up.
594. Get into merchant banking, arms dealing, drug dealing, or some such
profitable enterprise. Use your supernatural powers to turn huge
profits. Become Chairman of the board, cartel boss, or whatever. Then adopt
a cute red-headed girl called "Annie" and wander around singing
happily. Donate all of the funds you can get a hold of to charity,
explaining that there's more to life than business. Save a couple thousand
for a
ticket to South America.
595. Sneak into a zoo at night. Find a lone gorilla, shave him completely
except for a couple of hairs on his head, and paint him entirely yellow.
Superglue some briefs on if you can. If you can find a baby gorilla with a
spiky haircut all the better.
596. Go to an all night supermarket. Find someone who's shopping with a
child in the cart. Wait until the shopper's back is turned, quickly replace
the kid with a doll, and run like hell (duct taping the kid's mouth shut is
highly recommended). Now take the kid to the candy section and start
superglueing candy to him. Let him go once the hysterical mother comes near.
597. (This requires two pranksters...) Find a vampire that enjoys watching
TV. Now have one of the two Malks sneak in a sit Obfuscated in the
room that the vampire is watching television in. Now, using a cellular
phone, have the other Obfuscated Malk call the vampire's phone. Once the
vamp gets up to answer the phone, very quickly have the Malkavian inside
switch the channel to MTV. Keep this up all night. (Best if you bring
one of those universal remotes and program it on site.)
598. Nab a chef at a fancy restaurant and use Vissectitude to look just
like him. Now do your damnedest to actually cook a good meal. Insert pieces
of your anatomy for spice. When the patrons complain, come out and refuse
to speak English or any other recognizable language. Call them liars
and moon them. (Especially fun at restaurants the Prince or Primogen like
to hang out at.)
599. Fleshcraft yourself into JFK. Now go roll in some flour. Sneak into
the bedrooms of high ranking army and CIA officials and do the Jacob
Marley bit.
600. Use Chimestry to make a Gangrel's Gleam of the Red Eyes permanent.
Especially in front of mortals. Or put a big red glowing bulls-eye on
the back of somebody who has just torked you off. Snipers? Ooops.
601. Dominate a black metal band (or bad ass gansta rappers) into acting
like the Brady Bunch on a festival. (Fleshcrafting them into actual
likenesses entirely optional.) Bonus points if the crowd eats them alive.
602. Find a Gangrel that Earth Melds every day. Now go cover up the spot
with a bunch of boards with bricks on top.
603. Sneak into a grocery store at night with a sack full of apples. Now
very carefully peel a bunch of oranges and take out the insides, replacing
them with the apples and some glue.
604. Dress up like Thor (the Thunder God). Grab a rubber mallet and a
tazer. Go to a church and press your claim as top deity. Give examples of
divine smiting and lightning bolts to non-believers. Declare Heineken as
holy water.
605. Find a false eye shop. Slip in a few real ones.
606. High diving competition. From the top of office buildings.
607. Dress up (and Fleshcraft) to look like that little old man that is the
Monopoly mascot. Now Obfuscate and sneak into a bank, replacing real
money with Monopoly money. (Should be some interesting security film, eh?)
608. Movement of the Mind. Multiple roulette tables. One shut down casino.
609. Lure of the Flames. A basketball game. 'Hot Potato'.
610. Find out where a keg party will occur. Now follow the little frat boys
that go for the kegs. Once they've bought the beer, stop them. While
keeping them oblivious (through Dominate or a lead pipe to the head),
replace the beer with urine (that you got form a hospital or drug rehab
center,
of course). Label the keg 'Bud Light' and see if anyone actually notices.
(All hail Guinness! Guinness rue da wold!)
611. Dress up like coal miners. Go to the dinosaur exhibit at the museum.
Hiho, hiho, it's off to work we go...
612. Get some buddies and dress up like Spock, ears and all. Go to a mall
and start giving Vulcan Death Grips (tm) to shoppers. When that doesn't
work, start using pepper mace, tear gas, and tazers. Smile a lot at the
cameras while proclaiming how much emotions suck.
613. Find one of those 'Sunglass Hut' stalls in the mall. Sneak in at night
and paint the inside of each lens with black paint. Now go to a real
eyeglasses shop (Pearl, Eye Doctor, TSO, etc.) and randomly switch a lens
from each sample pair.
614. TP roll the Prince's house. Do it again the next night. Use duct tape.
615. Find a Gangrel that Earth Melds each day. Have some of your ghouls dig
him up during the day (but keep him covered) and relocate him. In a
sewer tank would be nice. If you're feeling frisky, have them bury him in
the same spot upside-down.
616. Sneak onto a golf course one night and set a few tiger traps and
snares in the woods. Landmines are purely optional.
617. Find one werewolf. Subdue and manacle him (with silver if need be).
Now chain him to a pickup truck and start dragging him through town,
ramming the television station. See how well the Delerium affects TV cameras.
618. Fleshcraft yourself to look and sound _exactly_ like some cagey
vampire. Start following him around everywhere. Mimic his every action and
word. When he starts acting crazy with rage in front of others, act calmly.
Now approach the Prince and demand that the stupid Malkavian
impersonating you be punished.
619. Steal one of those 'Human Cannonball' circus cannons. While the
Primogen and Prince are meeting somewhere, start launching tied-up
vampires through the ceiling with petitions for more tartar sauce stapled
to their foreheads. Also useful for helping it rain cats and dogs.
620. Fleshcraft. RuPual. See how he _really_ likes being a woman.
621. Hook up a live electrical lead (with switch) to a basketball rim
before a big game. First mega-dunk ought to be fairly spectacular.
622. Using Dementate, give a stereotypical Brujah an irrational fear of
violence. Now go bully him in front of his Clan Elder.
623. Get a bunch of Malkavian buddies. Find a Toreador art party
(preferably one that has a lot of mortals in attendance). Arm yourselves
with
dead cats (freshly dipped in neon purple paint) and 'decorate' the Torries.
(In honor of Ashley, winner of this year's Asphalt Impersonation
Award.)
624. Get a bunch of old chewed up nuts and bolts. Now go to an amusement
park and drop them off during a ride. Beaning considered bad form.
625. Use Fleshcraft to give Ahnold (or Newt Gingrich) a nice sexy soprano voice.
626. Use Chimestry to pull wonderful things out of your pockets (ala The
Mask or any cartoon) during a conclave meeting. Use it to simulate some
aspects of Thaumaturgy. Blame the Tremere. Have a Brujah hit you _very_
hard and use that for some Horrid Reality jokes. Especially on
unsuspecting Toreadors in the middle of a song. Create illusions of someone
else's voice to say incriminating things. Walk up behind someone and
create an illusion (feel only) of a gun sticking in their back. Tell them
to stick their hands up and watch the funny looks they get from observers.
Wave around nude photos of the Primogen. Hand out one dollar bills that
look like fifties. Steal someone's TV and replace it with a permanent
illusion. Then do the same with their recliner.
627. Create UFOs (with Chimestry) and have them land with messages for the
Malkavians. Create Archangels and have _them_ land with
messages for the Malkavians.
628. Shake the Prince's hand, and when you let go, let him see the illusion
of his watch on your wrist. And put one on his, too. See if he gets
confused. Try and sell it back to him if you're feeling ballsy.
629. Find one relatively weak Nosferatu. Now go nab him and wrap his entire
body in duct tape, leaving only his face exposed. Go hoist him from
the flagpole at town hall and call the cops.
630. Use Dominate and Dementate to form a new clan of creatures. Tell them
they are were-lemmings and that they reproduce by biting hands.
Give them a derangement that forces them to leap into any body of water
they can find on a full moon.
631. Invade a high school. Find the most annoying freshman and duct tape
him to a light pole about ten feet off of the ground. Tell the faculty in
the form of a rumor. Usually takes them a while to check into it...
632. Get together your favorite group of "werelemmings" at a science
fiction/fantasy convention. Storm the Klingon contingent with teeth set to
stun.
633. (For Samedi...) Create some zombies and summon some ghosts. Now take
your entourage to a large funeral home. Find the proprietor and
complain. Warn patrons about the sloppy service, using yourself as example.
Have the zombies raise a hand in agreement and the ghosts appear
(and embody...), saying "Yeah! You tell 'em!".
634. Fleshcraft yourself into Judge Ito. Go into the courtroom with the
largest rubber mallet you can find. Pull it out after the lawyers start
arguing
and beat the living bejesus out of them all. Ask if anyone else wishes to
present any arguments.
635. Sneak into a Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses and glue copies of
the Book of Mormon to the pews. Next Saturday, glue copies of the
Watchtower to the pews in a nearby Mormon church. Repeat the process, this
time with Jehovah's Witnesses and Mormons, instead of their
books.
636. Fleshcraft a bunch of ghouls into Joseph Smith, Brigham Young, and
their wives. Go to Salt Lake City and take over the television station.
Have ole "Joe" claim it was just a joke and that he is now a Branch Davidian.
637. Dominate Marie Osmond into thinking she is Tracy Lords. Lights,
camera, action!
638. Reunite the Osmonds. With superglue. Give to a Toreador.
639. Dress up as BATF agents and raid a Catholic church. Seize the wine and
say that the federal taxes haven't been paid on it. Finish by burning
the church to the ground.
640. (For the suicidal Malk...) Sneak into the Vatican. Embrace the Pope. Run.
641. Hijack a plane. Toss out the crew. Let the passengers take turns
landing the plane. Shoot those who fail. Now land the plane and sneak back
into the airport. Find the luggage area. Now find some large luggage headed
for some exotic location and put yourselves in it. Should be some
interesting expression when that honeymoon couple in Acapulco finds out
that their swimsuits don't quite fit anymore...
642. Spread a rumor of an impending lupine invasion. Make sure the Prince
and the Primogen here about it. Then organize a jail break of every pet
store and dog pound in town. Bonus points if you can herd them all to the
Prince's house.
643. Get up early one night. Do some special decorating of the communal
haven and have a tape deck play some interesting sounds. Should be
quite interesting when the group wakes up to hear and "see" flames all
around them. If some Brujah were to get upset, and let's say... machine gun
the tape player, buy a new tape player and have the next night's awaking
music be the sounds of automatic gunfire. See if the others learn.
644. Dominate some local teenagers into going cow tipping. At a goat farm.
645. Dominate the night watchman at some store into reciting "I'm a little
tea pot..." until someone finds him in the morning.
646. Find some collector who has a restored WWII Japanese Zero. Now go
paint a big red and white target on the Princes garage and Dominate the
Zero pilot into crashing into it.
647. Find one of the Prince's favorite childe. Nab 'im. Now go cross-
country, taking pictures of the staked vampire in famous places (Brooklyn
Bridge, Grand Canyon, Yellowstone, Statue of Liberty, Seattle Needle, Mount
Rushmore, etc.). Send the body and the pictures back via UPS.
648. Ambush a Justicar's pilot. Dominate him into forgetting how to fly in
the middle of the flight.
649. (For a Malk with extremely high Celerity...) Wait until someone turns
their back on you. Repaint the front of their house (in your favorite
colors, of course) as quickly as possible. This really traumatizes
Toreadors, so be prepared to run as fast as you paint.
650. Get a yo-yo with a really long string. Dip the round part in alcohol
or lighter fluid and get on the roof of some vampire's house above his
door. when he come out, light the yo-yo and show him your stuff.
651. (Only got very good Fleshcrafters...) Imperonsate the local Chantry
Head of the Tremere. Go order all of the Archons present to castrate
themselves. Help.
652. Practice obscene faxing from the Prince's machine.
653. Using Fleshcraft and Bonecraft, take out a the eye of some mortal's
head and forcibly stick it onto a Tremere's forehead. Now Dominate him
into forgetting the incident and send his off to the Chantry...
654. Dominate the local news anchor into quoting from the Book of Nod
during a live broadcast.
655. Convince your friendly neighborhood Brujah combat monster that he's
the Tick. Make a Tremere with Movement of the Mind think he's
Arthur. Give them costumes and a mission.
656. (For the discriminating Gangrel...) Find some schlep who's been
hassling or irritating you. Offer to share your haven with him as a gesture
of
friendship. A few minutes before sunrise, take him to a clearing in the
middle of a park. Earth Meld. If you see him again (ie: he survives), ask
him
how he liked your haven.
657. Manage to get a hold of a little blood from a Primogen member the
Prince (and you) don't like. Using this blood, go create a new vampire
with it. Go to the Prince claiming you saw the Primogen member create an
unauthorized childe with directions as to where the patsy can be found.
658. Trick the IRS into auditing the Price's accounts for the past five
years. But first Dominate his accountant and give him some interesting
ideas...
659. Have a bunch of jewelry made with minute explosives in them (remotely
detonated). Have them all given to a Toreador from a known
admirer. (Include necklaces, earrings, watches, rings, bracelets, hair
pins, anklets, etc.) Wait until the Torry is in the middle of some public
art
dedication or some such and flip the switch. Should be one nicely barbecued
little Toreador.
660. Make an invisible rabbit friend called Harvey. Periodically, Dominate
some of your more week willed friends into having memories of Harvey
coming to the rescue. After a while, you should have a nice little group of
people who believe in Harvey the Wonder Rabbit. They just think he's
good at Obfuscating, too...
---Johnny Mayall---jmayall@jove.acs.unt.edu---http://people.unt.edu/~jmayall---
When I was a very small boy, very small boys talked to me;
Now that we've grown up together, they're afraid of what they see.
-New Order, "True Faith"
Welcome, gentle folk and sick bastages. Yup, you have been unfortunate
enough to have opened the seventh part of the Prankthology. Yes, that's
right, the grand pappy of prank lists. So sit back, grab some lime green
jello, pet your potato, and enjoy.
Disclaimer: High levels of Dominate, Obfuscate, Vissectitude, and Dementate
are highly suggested. 'Course, a good amount of Potence, Fortitude,
and Celerity never hurt anyone. Well, not us anyway...
Disclaimer the Second: If anyone takes any of this seriously, you are
weird. If you don't get help at Charter, get help somewhere. This is all in
fun,
twisted as it may be.
The Prankthology, Part Seven of Five
661. (Okay, so I lied. There is a number '301'.) Get a few friends and
dress up _real_ nice. Now find a fancy restaurant that the Prince or a
Primogen member frequents regularly (must be the atmosphere, eh?). Try and
get a table as close to him as possible. If you can, try to get his
attention just as your meal is being served. (Bonus points for a look of
fear or a gasp.) Commence chowing down and projectile vomiting. See if
you can get your money back. As you leave, compliment the chef and tell the
vampire dignitary that you'll see him again tomorrow night.
662. Dress up like Judge Dredd, machine gun and all. Go to a state
penitentiary. Ease prison crowding. Bonus points for best rendition of "I
am
the law!" as the cops drag you off.
663. Bring back public slave auctions. Shoe polish yourself if you're too
pale and get a whip. Now get some buddies with shackles and raid the
nearest Ku Klux Klan meeting.
664. Go to a chicken farm with a chainsaw. Find out what 'run around like a
bunch of chickens with their heads cut off' really means.
665. Dress up in a gorilla suit. Find one of those street entertainers with
the music box and one of those silly ass spider monkeys. Punish the slave
driver and free your brethren. Then offer to replace the monkey for cheap rates.
666. (Only for early risers...) A sleeping Gargoyle. Graffiti.
667. Start up a jackhammer near a Gargoyle to see if he'll frenzy. (If he
doesn't, you might as well. I mean, you _did_ pay for a brand new
jackhammer, didn't you?)
668. If another vampire insults you, procure a glove to smack him with.
(Works best with Torries and Ventrues.) Rear back, but don't hit him.
Look thoughtfully at the glove and drop it. Then take out a knife, cut off
your own hand, and smack him with that.
669. Have fun with airport security. Cut a hole in your side, stuff some
ball bearings in, and close the cut. Stuff your pockets full of keys (
preferably others') and make a big production of taking them out one at a
time at the metal detector. Five minutes and several frustrated security
officers and line-waiters later, tell them that it must be your old war
wound. Then reach in and pull out the ball bearings, putting them in the
little
tray with your keys and walk through. Pulling out intestines is considered
bad form. Another variation of this is to ram a knife in your chest and
walk through. When the pass the stick over you, look surprised when they
find the knife. "I've been _looking_ for that..."
670. Use Fleshcraft and props to look like George Washington. Visit a
cherry orchard with a chainsaw. Then take the chainsaw to a U.S. mint and
complain about being stuck on a measly one dollar bill.
671. (Here's a bit of a prank for any Malkavian who becomes a Prince or
attains a lot of power...) Find some vampires who have irritated you (
shouldn't be too difficult) and whom generally have a lot of enemies.
Invite them over one night one at a time. Once they come in, have them
subdued and buried upside-down in your back yard with only their ankles and
feet sticking out of the ground. Once you've planted them all, host a
party to the general vampiric population. To open the festivities, gather
everyone out back. Then start up your riding lawn mower. Label each pair
of feet with the correct name and commence the bidding...
672. (Here's another one for a Malk Prince...) Procure one of those cranes
with those humongous magnets from a wrecking yard. Install the
magnet in the roof of your grand hall, disguised as art. (It'd be worth it
to hire a Torry for the job just for the look of suspicion on his face.)
Now
hold a general assembly of the city's population. Declare that weapons will
no longer be permitted in your presence. When people start laughing
and looking askance, flip the switch. You ought to have a nice collection
of weapons and a few Brujah decorating your ceiling soon thereafter. If
you're really feeling frisky, flip the switch on and off, letting the
Brujah bust ass until they frenzy.
673. Find a city (any affiliation), and locate any person in power that is
really a puppet. Nab 'em and stake 'em, and then dress them up according
to their nature-- face paint, harlequin outfit, ropes tied to limbs, etc.
Now go hang the unfortunate in the local Elysium or Temple for the locals
to
enjoy.
674. Go to a local vampire bar and locate one neonate vampire. Calmly walk
up to him and mark a large 'X' over his heart with spraypaint. Now
whip out a #2 pencil and start chasing him with it.
675. One lovely evening while the stars are shining brightly and a cool
wind soothes the skin, go visit the Prince's pad. Since he was so rude as
to
be absent, quickly dig a small trench in his front yard, fill it with a
cement base, and decorate it with a brand new toilet. Choosing whether or
not to
use the toilet first to make sure it is working properly is up to the initiate.
676. Go to a local newsstand and buy every periodical you can. Now rip out
all of the order forms and drop cards. Know any anti-social, paranoid
vampires that think the location of their haven is a secret?
677. (Vissectitude or Mask of a Thousand Faces needed for this one.) Get on
an airplane. Now, once one of the flight attendants goes off for a
break, head for the bathroom on one end of the plane. Come out naked,
looking exactly like the person on break, and streak all down the plane to
the bathroom on the other end. Repeat as necessary.
678. A time bomb. With a snooze button.
679. Dress up like a priest or an obvious 'Holy Joe' vampire hunter. Now go
find an annoying lick and confront him. Toss a water balloon on
him, claiming that the vengeance of God has come. When the soaked vampire
leers at you unharmed, light a flare and see how long it takes him to
smell the gasoline he's covered in. (Try the same with werewolves, but use
Nair or silver filings instead of gasoline. You may need to be able to
run a little faster on this version.)
680. For a pack of loony vamps... carry around a big boombox with the song
"Tequila" cued up. Whenever you all encounter a vampire of higher
generation, start up the box and start dancing and capering around the
lick. At the right moment, substitute the catchphrase with "Diablerie!" and
all
jump on the vampire, each taking one blood point. Then run like hell.
681. Find some stuffy vampire who owns a nice mansion or estate with a cozy
little pond on it. Now sneak a bunch of florescent dye in it one
night, preferably of the neon persuasion. Also, catch some of the fish and
fleshcraft them into little mutants. On the next night, show up with a
bunch of buddies dressed up as EPA agents...
682. For those Kindred of minority origins... go to a KKK or some other
hate-group meeting. Use Majesty. A lot. Start insulting them and see
how many weak-willed members you can get to agree with you. Children of
incest do not count towards your t otal.)
683. Obfuscate and go to a downtown police precinct. Now using Presence
(and some Willpower), summon every vampire in the city.
684. Using Telepathy, go to a shrink and answer his questions right before
he asks them. Have fun with those Roschreck (sp) cards.
685. Using Obfuscate and Form of Mist, go to a poker game. When someone
cuts loose with the flatulence, let your presence be seen. (Especially
good for those skanky Nosferatu out there.)
686. Plant some crack on a vampire. Tip off the cops. Obfuscate and follow
back for questioning. Now use Thaumaturgy to make the vampire
spend blood on Celerity and dexterity so he's all keyed-up and hyper.
687. Possess politicians and have fun making speeches. Tell your
constituents how you _really_ feel.
688. Use Animalism in a pet shop to convince all of the animals to make as
much noise as possible every hour on the hour and then suddenly quit.
689. Use Vissectitude to make a crossbreed between an Irish Wolfhound and a
Chihuahua.
690. Take a local phone book and kill ten persons per night.
Alphabetically. With a telephone. Superglueing another phone book to their
corpse is
helpful.
691. Your city's map is a grid, and each block is a square. Find a fellow
Malkavian, a ton of TNT, and play 'Battleship'.
692. Go to a church filled with fanatics. When no-one is looking, block all
of the exits. In the middle of the service, interrupt the preacher and ask
him if God will protect His flock. Stress test the affirmation.
693. Find a really vain Ventrue with a magnificent head of hair. Each day,
Dominate his ghouls into trimming the hairs in unique patterns
(mohawks, tic-tac-toe boards, etc.) and giving you the cut hair. Keep this
up until you have enough hairs to make a nice winter coat. Now give it as
a peace offering to that Toreador you've been harassing. When he wears it
to the next big function, tip off the Ventrue.
694. One day, have all the city's vampires you can get to put in one big
crypt. More fun if they all sleep in coffins so you can make a pyramid.
695. Find a traditional vampire who sleeps in a coffin and rises form it
like Dracula (in Coppola's version). While he's sleeping, put invisible
razor
wire across the opening. French fries, anyone?
696. Push a vampire into the rolling presses of Time magazine. Demand the
Prince put a blood hunt on him for violating the Masquerade by being
on the front cover of Time.
697. Got lotsa, lotsa money? Good. Now have the coffin of a sleeping
vampire launched into orbit. Costly and difficult, but worth it for the
expression on his face when he wakes up.
698. Wait until a vampire goes to sleep. Now switch his coffin. The next
night, switch the room his coffin is in. The following night, redecorate
both his coffin and the room he's in. Next, change his clothes. Then, his
city. If he doesn't get the idea by now, change his brain next.
699. At a big reunion, keep giggling in your corner, pointing at various
people. Be assured, at least one will not sleep well that night.
700. Transplant a coffin with an uptight vampire inside into a funeral home
lobby. Take bets on who will scream loudest-- the vampire when he
gets up, or the crowd of relatives at the wake...
701. Get an arm as physically different form yours as possible. Cut off
your own arm (not necessarily of the same side), and run screaming and
bleeding into a hospital emergency room, holding the new arm in your free
hand. When the subject of your od d arm crops up, look confused, tell
them you'll go get your real arm and be right back, and leave.
702. Go find a young snob and embrace him, giving him up for 'adoption' to
a Ventrue. About two hundred years later, once he's nice and secure
in a position of power, break the good news to him as to who his sire
_really_ is...
703. Use Mask of a Thousand Faces to look like the Prince. Now go to "your"
estate and proceed to destroy all of your furniture, making sure
your ghouls help. Stick around later that night for when the Prince comes
home...
704. Go dress up like an annoying mime. Now pick up an imaginary crowbar.
Swing it at someone while using Chimestry to make them feel your
artistic passion.
705. Go scalp some Tremere. Wait until Christmas and send their scalps back
as a 'Gift to the Magi'.
706. Kidnap a dozen or so persons. Fleshcraft and dominate them into being
Bill Clinton. Infiltrate the White House one night and stuff them all
into the Oval Office. Keep the real Bill with you for further mayhem.
707. Fleshcraft one of your ghouls to look exactly like you. Send him to
the city's Elysium and have him say that you've discovered a new
discipline that allows vampires to resist sunlight. When proof is asked
for, have your ghoul impersonator give i t to them. Offer lessons for great
boons. After a few months of patient teaching, let your new pupils try out
their new-found abilities...
708. Subdue an innocent bystander (the best kind) an fleshcraft them onto
yourself. Repeat this procedure once each night, denying any
observations other vampires make as to the results. Should be fairly
interesting after a month or so.
709. Find the coffin of a deep sleeping vampire. Have your ghouls fill it
with jello powder and water during the day.
710. Wait until the next Olympics... now wait until the night before the
opening ceremonies. Think pyrotechnic vampiric doves...
711. Infiltrate a kindergarten and fleshcraft the children into each other
(Cynthia into John, John into Bob, etc.). Wait until their parents return
and
make bets as to how many children go home with their real parents. Children
seen but not heard, i ndeed.
712. Kill any politician that declares something vague to the media. See
how long it takes the weasels to adapt.
713. Kill a mortal for violating the Masquerade.
714. Ya know those annoying leaf blowers that are so loud? Superglue a
patch of leaves to the ground.
715. Find some vampire who hears voices at times. Obfuscate and follow them
around, suggesting things like "Mmmmm.... nice skyscraper, bet
there's a nice view at the top." Once up there, suggest to them how much
they resemble the noble eagle. Repeat as necessary over bridges,
electrified subway rails, the bear pit in the zoo, etc.
716. Go through an entire suburban neighborhood, breaking into little kid's
bedrooms and stealing their soft toys, the more cute, cuddly and
anthropomorphic the better. Meanwhile, a cohort hammers two foot stakes
into the ground in the local kiddy's ba seball field. The previous night,
you'd gone out and bought lots of thick string, small red handkerchiefs and
cigarettes. Think 'Firing Squad'.
717. For extra kudos & confusion, do the above on land where you know a
Gangrel earth-melds every evening, and make sure the stakes are real
sharp.
718. Obfuscate yourself to look like the head of the local Tremere chantry,
and make a tacky 'Psychic Friends Hotline' type commercial for
late-night TV, impersonating her to the point of ridicule (creepy voice,
spangly clothes, eyeshadow galore). Keep repeating the number
"0800-TREMERE" during the advert. For extra points, charge the TV
advertising costs to her credit-card account, and see how long it takes
them
(or the Order Of Hermes) to notice. For the more meticulous, sadistic, and
technologic ally ambitious, find a way to actually reroute the 'phone
calls to the poor Warlock.
719. As above, but with a Ventrue and Lawyers. Wear a shark fin on your
back all the way through the commercial, but act normal. Be prepared;
you may have to break into the TV station to get this one on the air.
720. [Needs several friends; even non-Malkavians might go along with this
one]. All of you get dressed up as the Grim Reaper, big hood, scythe
and all, and stand in the same place on successive bridges over the
freeway/Motorway/Interstate/Autobahn/what ever. Good atmospheric lighting
is
important - perhaps a little dry ice if you're feeling flash. Using
walkie-talkies, single out one car or truck to ominously raise your arm and
point to
as it approaches each bridge. First team to get a crash wins.
721. Get lots of WWI flying helmets, or at least lots of goggles and floppy
leather caps. Kill all the dogs in the neighborhood that have their own
kennels and, using that wonderful Taxidermy skill (You don't have
Taxidermy? Shame on you!) and stuff th em in the appropriate position....
Curse You, Red Baron!
722. (For DOOM players. Crusades are the best time) Buy/steal a lot of
weapons/ammo/armor. Put caches of them in a Camarilla city then dress
yourself and your friends up as space marines. Declare all Camarilla
vampires to be Infernalists and its the du ty of the marines to save earth.
723. For Anime fans: (a) Tattoo 666 on Carl Macek's forehead (b) For those
with vicissitude. Give those English dub actors high squeaky
voices(Big eyes and multi-colored hair is optional but encouraged).
724. (For female Malks) Stuff yourself full of snails and puppy dog tails
(I have yet to find a snip) go to Elysium/ A hospital and give birth
screaming "He looks just like his father!"
725. Get some friends and dress up as Arabs. Call yourself Ali Baba and
raid a Setite temple.
726. Stick a sign on the back of a Samedi saying 'Clam dip'.
727. (For very powerful and suicidal Malks) Gain the trust of the Inconu
(Pretend to have achieved Golconda) Bring thermite charges with you
when you go in. Then go into the 'secret room' and plant the charges, wait.
When the sacrifice begins you can:
l.)Make yourself look like a demon and pop out at the end screaming that
they've done everything wrong and must now pay. Detonate the charges
and run like hell.
2.)At the moment of the sacrifice just explode the charges. Give THEM a
taste of hell where those poor saps are going.
728. Whenever you hear 'Flight of the Valkyries' scream "Kill the Wabbit"
as loud as you can.
729. Another Anime one: Chop off your tallywacker and superglue poisonous
snakes there(Animalism helps a lot) Turn yourself ultra-ugly(Horrid
form or Obfuscate) and you know what to do.
730. For those with Animalism: dress up as a little kid and steal a tiger
from a zoo and have it follow you around. No matter what it does and how
many people complain, just say they are imagining things since its just a
stuffed toy.
731. Throw cows at Dave Barry.
732. Epoxy one end of a forty foot bungee cord to one hole of a bowling
ball. Attach a boat anchor or a grappling hook to the other. Drive very
fast
on an open Interstate highway with an open top and throw the hook/anchor
end up as you're about to go under an overpass. Hope that jackass
tailgating you is paying attention...
733. Using roadwork detour signs, make the Prince's driveway the new
highway exit.
734. Ya know that annoying packrat who always collects anything he can
find? Put a bobcat in a suitcase. Drive down the highway until you pass
your mark. Now stop well ahead of him and set up the suitcase on the side
of the road. Hide somewhere ne arby and wait until the schlep opens the
case.
735. Get some ghouls to sneak into the Elysium during the day and pull up
the carpet then dig large pits all over the main meeting hall and then
re-cover them all with the carpet without the tacks to hold the carpet down
properly. Next Night call a Ge neral Meeting and bring a camcorder.
736. Go to all the surrounding pet stores in the area and buy up all of the
crickets. Early the next morning, have your ghouls let them all lose into
the Prince's ventilation system. Chirp, chirp...
737. For Amnesiac Malks: Forget everything - who you are and what you are,
then turn yourself into the police so they can help you find out
where you belong.
738. [For Sabbat or other anti-social types] Find the rock club where the
local Camarilla Kindred hang out. (Bonus points if it's an Elysium). Bring
your chainsaw. Do your best impressions of Ashe (Evil Dead 2 & Army of
Darkness). For graphic demonstr ations of Ashe's chainsaw technique,
draft Kindred from the audience to represent Deadites...
739. [seasonal in New Orleans] During Mardi Gras, use appropriate methods
to make yourself look like a certain long-haired blond rock-star-type
dude. (No bonus if you already look like that). Borrow Anne Rice's French
Quarter apartment, and hang out on the balcony. (It's very bad form to
do anything to Anne, however). Wave at revelers. When the
alt.books.anne-rice crowd finally spots you (don't worry, they will),
they'll probably
start waving back and yelling "Bite me!" Oblige your fans. Bonus Poin ts:
If the REAL Vampire Lestat shows up, convince him he's a figment of
Anne Rice's imagination. Super Bonus Points: survive trying to earn your
Bonus Points.
740. The former Soviet Army is selling its toys, like nuclear warheads, to
raise hard cash. Poor quality Soviet warheads. Malkavian vampire.
Some things are too horrible to imagine in combination...
741. "This thing looks useless." "What does 'Safety Interlock' mean,
anyway?" followed by... "Hey, what does this button do?" (...Chernobyl, 3
Mile Island, Challenger launch, you get the idea...)
742. Here's a prank for you: Find a Gangrel you don't like. (Shouldn't be
hard.) Have a ghoul follow him in the early morning hours and discover
where he is Earth Melded for the day. Have the ghoul park a car over him.
Make sure the ghoul videotapes him waking up; you wouldn't want to
miss the fun!
743. Catch a rabid weasel and put him in your refrigerator. Invite a friend
over. Ask him if he wants a drink. If yes, say: "It's in the fridge."
744. Fill an empty toothpaste tube with Mayo. Stand hack and watch the fun.
745. Put Nair in your best friend's shampoo.
746. Jump in a car and head for a relatively calm freeway , or the like.
Hit another car as spectacularly as possible, bonus if car flips, and pull
over
to the side of the road. Before Cops arrive, Dominate as many witnesses as
possible to give outrage ous, conflicting accounts of what happened
(make sure some make you look completely innocent - yeah, like it's
possible). And Dominate the person who had the nerve to get in your way to
strip to their shorts and do their best impersonation of Tarzan - in the
Middle of giving their report to the police.
747. Talk in the third person all night.
748. Talk in the third person and pretend that you are more than one person.
749. Talk in the third person, pretend to be a great philosopher and make
redundant statements (Confucious say: You can't fight evil with a
macaroni duck.)
750. The latest one was when my pack's resident nut decided to have us go
to high school prom. He put on a Barry Manilow record ("Feelings",
no less) and put on sunglasses, a knit cap and performed a rap version of
that record and used Dementate to sta rt a anti-Manilow riot....
751. Gangrel love to brag. Let's be honest, you learn a few stories doing
all that traveling, and people are usually willing to learn what they can
from you, Make a point of bragging. Talk about places you've been to,
creatures you've fought with, etc. Now, leave one local region out of the
places you brag about. When people ask, say, "I don't want to talk about
it." Next, make a point of going out to that location. Let people know
you're going. Preferably, go on a mission for one of them. Get out there,
and ghoul every animal you can find. This is of course much easier if
you've got Animalism, and allows you to command them to attack any kindred
other than you that passes through the area. Now, you use your
own claws and fangs to make a whole series of wounds on yourself. Make
yourself good and beat up. Head back to town, and let the local kindred
see you in your state of disrepair. When they ask, say "The usual. I don't
want to talk about it." Then, proceed to heal the wounds out of sight in
relatively short order. They're your own work. Lick 'em, and they're gone.
If you're working for someone, you may be able to convince them to
give you a life boon. You'll definitely get a reputation as a major
bad-ass. And if anyone happens to he ad out to that little spot in the
wilderness,
well, ever seen what a few dozen ghouled coyotes and rats can do to
someone? Heh.
752. Dominate a House Representative into giving a speech supporting the
Civil Lefts Amendment. If you have a conscience, keep him from killing
himself later.
753. (Need Auspex or blind fighting to do this one. Well, it makes things
easier, anyway...) Throw on a sleeveless green dress with a rope for a
belt. Put on a blindfold. Grab some scales and a sword and visit the OJ
Trial. (Bonus points for brain ing that annoying weasel Shapiro with the
scales.)
754. (Need to be _really_ god at Fleshcrafting for this one...) Go buy a
bunch of gerbils or hamsters. Suffocate them all. Now turn them into
miniature wolves. Stuff 'em all into a sack with a note saying: "You're
next, furbutts. Love, The Tremere .". Now go toss the sack where you
know a lupine will get it.
755. Find a deer lease and hunt hunters with some paintball guns. (Bonus
points if you can get them to shoot back.) Now track a deer and kill it.
Superglue the paintball gun to its hooves and leave it where you know a
hunter will find it.
756. Once more at the deer lease, track and capture some deer. (Don't hurt
'em this time.) Now spraypaint a camouflage pattern on them with neon
orange and yellow spraypaint.
757. (This one requires telepathy and skilled users of Obfuscate...) Have
the telepath secretly follow a hunter. Have the other vampire follow a deer
that the hunter is tracking. Now, once the hunter raises the rifle to aim
at the unsuspecting deer, the telepath gives the mental signal to the other
vampire, who Obfuscates the deer. Now, while the hunter is confused, have
the telepath use Mask of a Thousand Faces to look like a deer and tap
him on the shoulder...
758. Find a 'great white hunter' who hunts only for the sheer pleasure of
drilling Thumper. Catch him, kill 'im, gut 'im, and clean 'im. Now go tie
him to his hood, put on a deer suit, and try driving out of the hunting park.
759. Find some loony who claims to hear voices speak to him. Using
Obfuscate and patience, give him some _real_ voices and some _direction_ in
his life. He always _did_ want to burn down that secluded, spooky mansion
that attracted a lot of people at night, right?
760. Make a bunch of little flags with a cracked mirror on them (nice,
eh?). Whenever you go someplace (especially where the Prince or Primogen
members are), stick a flag wherever you are (in a table, in the ground, in
a sofa, etc.) and declare it you r personal domain. Demand vampires to
'present' themselves if they get within five feet of your flag. Call
bloodhunts against intruding animals. Try and make an extradition treaty
with the
real Prince when the little buggers flee your domain. Give progeny rights
to inanimate objects and unsuspecting passers-by. Carry a folding chair
with you and call it your throne. Keep this up until everyone gets used to
it. Now wait until someone places a hand on your shoulder. Very quickly
ram a flag int o the hand, scream out a bloodhunt against the attempted
assassin-hand, cut it off swiftly, and run away while eating the appendage
whole. On the next night, superglue all your flags to a cat and claim that
it deposed you in physical combat.
761. Run the Prince's car off the road, and jump out to ask "Excuse me, are
those Bugle Boy jeans you're wearing?".
762. Enter a nice Ventrue or Toreador owned art gallery specializing in
portraits while Obfuscated with a large marker. Damn, but Maynard always
looked snazzy with that goatee...
763. Here at the local Tremere chantry, we've replaced the ritual blood
stocks with Folger's Crystals. Let's see if these experienced wizards will
note the difference...
764. First, throw a gala celebration for the Prince. Now invite all the
important mortals he knows in his name. Exlax mousse desert. Oh, did I
forget to mention that the toilets are broken?
765. Dominate a Torry into thinking he's a bull. Now take 'em to a fine
China shop and wave a red flag at the other end of the store. Bonus points
if another Torry or a Ventrue owns the China store.
766. Find a police officer. Dominate him into arresting the next person he
sees wearing a trenchcoat and sunglasses at night. Follow him with some
buddies and start a betting pool to see which kind of supernatural being he
collars first.
768. Make some mannequin duplicates of the Prince and put them in the
department stores. Extra points for unusual dress and body alterations.
769. For Valentine's Day, use Serpentis to give someone a real heart.
Preferably the Prince's or a Primogens'.
770. Go to a night baseball game. Use Dominate on every member of the
visiting team's pitching staff. Tell them that to start beaning every
batter
once the third inning starts. Should be good for starting a bench clearing
brawl. Now work on Dominating the drunks in the stands...
---Johnny Mayall---jmayall@jove.acs.unt.edu---http://people.unt.edu/~jmayall---
When I was a very small boy, very small boys talked to me;
Now that we've grown up together, they're afraid of what they see.
-New Order, "True Faith"
Welcome, gentle folk and sick bastages. Yup, you have been unfortunate
enough to have opened the eighth part of the Prankthology. Yes, that's
right, the grand pappy of prank lists. So sit back, grab some lime green
jello, pet your potato, and enjoy.
Disclaimer: High levels of Dominate, Obfuscate, Vissectitude, and Dementate
are highly suggested. 'Course, a good amount of Potence, Fortitude,
and Celerity never hurt anyone. Well, not us anyway...
Disclaimer the Second: If anyone takes any of this seriously, you are
weird. If you don't get help at Charter, get help somewhere. This is all in
fun,
twisted as it may be.
The Prankthology, Part Eight of Five
771. Go find some people tripping on acid (shouldn't be too tough in
Denton). Now repeatedly Earth Meld in front of them. Become a local legend
and earn the admiration of your peers.
772. Go to Hollywood. Dress up like Dracula and wear a rainbow wig. Now
Obfuscate and make cameo appearances in as many movie scenes as
physically possible. Drive film crews and editors to alcoholism.
773. Find a medium sized stream that has a beaver dam (usually visited or
seen by day). One night, tear it down and replace it with a cement dam.
Superglue little contruction helmets to a few of the larger beavers and
spraypaint "Ain't evolution grand?" on the new dam.
774. Impersonate Abraham Lincoln and give impromptu renditions of the
Emancipation Proclamation at Ku Klux Klan meetings. For bonus points,
recite in its entirety Dennis Hopper's monologue to Christoher Walken from
'True Romance', inserting 'inbred redknecks' for 'Sicilians'.
775. Find a Lasombra. (Shouldn't be too hard-- just shoot a bunch of wops
and pick the one that gets back up. If anyone took offense to that, you
are an idiot who takes offense too easily and will likely take offense to
being called an idiot, also. Idiot.) Now beat the piss out of him. (Or her,
if
you're a) a male chauvenist pig, b) an equal-opportunity asshole, or c) if
you don't want to use sexist language but think political correctness is
stupid and just want to poke fun at as many people as possible.) Then
manacle his feet and bring him to the top of a decent sized building. Call
the
press and then lower him a few stories upside-down from a chain linked to
the manacles. Have someone strong start swinging the squealing
Lasombra back and forth once the camera crews start showing up. Should make
for some interesting live camera coverage, eh?
776. Find one very macho, punkish Brujah (preferably one with a loud
mohawk). Get some friends and stake him. Now shave every single hair
off of his body. Apply an obscene amount of makeup (neon purple nail polish
included, of course) and paint yellow hair on him. Dress him up in
an itty bitty teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini and get in a vehicle with
a camcorder hidden in the back. Now tie a rope to the stake and yank it
out (while in the car, of course). Drive off just fast enough as the
screaming little boy-toy runs after you, filming all the live-log way.
Declare free
movie night at the next Elysium gathering.
777. Find one pretty little Toreador that is excessively vain. Stake 'em.
Drag him to a tatoo parlor and Dominate the tatoo artist into tatooing
"Poseur For Hire" on his forehead. Now take out the stake and _heavily_
Dominate the Torry into forgetting the whole incident and ignoring the
tatoo,refusing to believe that it exists. Fun for those prestigious
TorridWhore parties.
778. Find a vampire who has a known interest in the occult. Now go kill a
ram and take its horns and hind-quarters. Then go nab the vampire. Cut
his legs off from the knees down, replacing them with the ram legs, and
superglue the horns to his head. Take his shirt off and carve pentagrams
and runs on his chest ("C'thulu rocks your lame ass" is a popular
suggestion). Now go throw him in the Tremere chantry.
779. Find out when a Primogen member will be leaving town for a week or so.
Once he's gone, bulldoze his entire estate, removing _everything_
completely. Cement over the entire compound, leaving "Caine loves you, but
everyone else thinks your an asshole" written in the cement.
780. During Christmas season, Fleshcraft a bunch of little kids into
demented versions of Santa's elves. Use your own imagination as to what to
make long and pointy.
781. Attend an opera or classical music concerto. Obfuscate and sneak
backstage with a portable stereo, a Quiet Riot CD, and a lot of wires.
C'mon, feel the noise... (Bonus points for actually finding structural
attunement.)
782. Use Chimestry to make the Prince look like Bozo the Clinto-- ummm...
Clown during a serious speech. (Or the Emperor Who Wore No
Clothes.)
783. Nab a Lupine. Shave it. Send the Polaroids to its Pack Elders with
suggestions to post them in the local caern.
784. Sabotage the ba-dee (you know, those little water fountains that clean
off dirty bungholes) of an uppity politician by using creative wiring.
Talk about shock therapy...
785. (Need a lot of friends for this one.) Ever want to make the local
garou feel at home? Brighten up their caern! Arrange for a distraction
(some of
your less liked vamps will do nicely) to draw off most of the Garou. After
they1r egone, rush in with your friends and subdue the guards. Then...
do some landscaping! Put some gravel paths in, mow the lawn and trim those
bushes. Dig a barbacue pit and throw a pig on. A few coolers of beer
and your all set to run like hell...
786. Find some Redcaps and dominate them. Spray paint them blue and their
caps white then have them stroll though Faerie court singing
'la-la-la-la-la!"
787. Find a neonate. Stake him. Get a pair of pliers and pull his fangs.
Drain him dry of all but one blood point. Put him in a room with a live
cow.
Pull the stake, back out of the room and watch the fun.
788. Find a neonate. Stake him when his fangs are out. Dominate an
orthodontist to put braces on him.
789. Replace the candy those annoying little kids sell with exlax. See how
fast they sell...
790. Seed rain clouds with random body parts. (Canines and felines work
especially well, for some reason.)
791. During the middle of a conversation, inform others that you need two
forms of identification from each of them. When they act confused,just
wink as if everyone knows exactly what your'e talking about when you say,
"All a part of my grand scheme."
792. Small white rabbits. Fleshcrafting. Vampiric. Hungry. Monty Python.
793. Get some marauder friends (and prefereably a Nexus Crawler for extra
support) and stage Rocky Horror. It may be necessary to go weird
tech to make that laser work properly, but hell, they can handle it. Shoot
the audience to prove the lasers work. At the end when Riff Raff and
company take off, launch the cinema into space. Run away laughing.
Arranging oxygen for the orbiting viewers is recommended.
794. Take photos of everyone. Do this for months. Reminisce over your
albums with trusted friends (that Masquerade thing is annoying, isn't it?).
Now, acquire a good airbrush and a thorough knowledge of photo editing.
'Blank' a neonate out of a photo. Pass it round, wondering how it
happened. Kill the neonate. The next night, several more portraits are gone...
795. Find one of those 'vampire bars'. Tip off a Justicar that the
Masquerade is being broken there. Go back (Obfuscated) and use Dominate to
*unDominate* the regular humans. Vampires, vampires, everywhere, and the
Masquerade's in pretty poor condition...
796. The Leaning Tower. Scaffolding. Community Service.
797. Clothes are victims of a COMMUNIST DICTATORSHIP! In particular, the
clothes of the prince (or Emperor). Release them from their
bondage. Free all clothes in the city and send them to a place where they
can live their natural lives in harmony. Donating them to the local Garou
Sept is a nice idea.
798. *Some* clothes have gone over to the *enemy*. At the next Camarilla
meeting, announce that you have discovered a spy. Drag out a set of
cords and some loafers and interrogate them. Don't be afraid to be brutal.
799. The Sabbat are fun. But they look so depressed most of the time.
Remember, a smiling face is a happy face. Use fleshcraft and possibly
celerity to run like hell.
800. Tramp out crop circles repeatedly. If anyone asks you why, wistfully
say that you're trying to signal an InterGalactic Taxi to get home.
801. Fuel-Air bomb in a ventilation system. Elysium. Declare aggrievedly
that Brujah are terrified of fire and can't bear to be near it. Claim that
there isn't a Brujah alive who won't frenzy if someone lights a match.
Place bets. Stand near the door, start up your celerity, and have the
beefiest
Brujah light up. Start running - hard. Collecting monies the following
evening is not recommended.
802. Drive past a speed camera while doing 150 km/hr and Obfuscated. (Try
and convict me with that picture, coppers.)
803. Replac the doors on a Lasombra haven with magic eye automatic openers.
804. Astro-turf a Tzimisce haven. Leaving a dust pan with a _very_ small
amount of dirt left in it for the Fiends to squabble over is optional.
805. (Prank story) I Dominated a MAlki into doing and then forgetful minded
him to think the prank was his idea. We were having a dreadfully
boring masq. and the highlight of the evening so far had been an obfuscated
wall of Nosferatu's (headed by me the Nos. Primogen). Anyway, it
got to the point that I couldn't take it anymore so I Dominated the first
Malki that I got my hands on and told him what to do...... First he went
and
stole a car out front of the student union building (where we were holding
themasque). Then he drove off to Walmart and bought as many gasoline
cans as he could (that was twenty), then he drove to a gas station and
filled all of the cans up. Then he drove to the local Greyhound Bus station
and stole a bus (after he loaded all the gasoline cans onto the bus). Then
he drove the bus up to the front of the Student Union Building, and lit all
of the gasoline cans and drove the bus through the humungous glass window
in the front, lighting up the party in the process....Oh YES, he drove
the bus in obfuscated and jumped out as soon as it hit the first wall. Then
proceeded to unobfuscate undected in a corner, and acted very confused
as to what was going on.... He never did get caught, though a very inlucky
Gangrel did get punished for it. Amazing enough out of two hundred
players not one was hurt by the whole bus incident.
806. Get you Clan to elect a sock puppet as Malkavian Primogen. Dominate a
Tremere into argueing on your behalf.
807. Ten things to arrange over an earth melded (earth molt?) Gangrel:
(best to use a ghoul, Dominate some schmuck, hire somebody, etc.)
1.) A brick pyramid (only if using a Tremere sigil capstone).
2.) A yellow tape outline.
3.) A grassfire, scorching the earth all around, except for an area covered
by...something, leaving the shape of a sleeping Gangrel.
4.) A real estate for-sale sign: one Gangrel haven, needs work.
5.) A Torreador early-evening ball.
6.) Shakespeare in the park.
7.) A magic show (requires exact timing, maybe via Dominate).
8.) A Satanic cult ritual (as above, so below).
9.) A zombie movie shoot.
10.) A pile of leaves (only you can support the Masqerade).
x.) A portable outhouse.
808. Movie time! Now showing: _Repo Man_. Stake the Kindred of your choice,
stuff him in the trunk of a domestic car (somebody elses). See
how many of the city's undead you can get to join in the scavenger hunt.
See if you can get anybody to read _Dianetics_.
809. Through the miracle of modern Chimerstry, Obfuscate, or ventriloquism
cause a child's voice to emanate from a well or storm drain on the
Prince's estate. Alert the media, yaddah, yaddah, yaddah. Using Animalism
to cause a puppy to whine at the voice is a plus.
810. Use Animalism on a bloody pawed akita to lead passing yuppies to the
Prince's haven, Tremere chantry, etc. DO NOT use your own blood
here, but then, you knew that, didn't you.
811. In a similar vein: tell the Justicar "If my blood aint on it, you must
acquit." Question the quallity of his DNA and his sire's DNA. Point out
dozens of other Kindred would have the same Psychometry trace. Hire a pilot
to tow a banner proposing to his archon.
812. Random ghouling. Place vitae (yours or someone elses) in various
beverage containers (water coolers, punch bowls, holy water fonts, food
vats in prisons or schools, etc.) whenever the mood strikes you. Variation:
product tampering--add vitae to Miracle-Grow(tm).
813. Ghoul the Prince's guard dogs before he does.
814. From under hiding (obfuscation), throw clay pigeons at people. See if
they get why they should get nervous.
815. Have your retainer squeeze out pigeons over a Gargoyle (during the day
that is, allowing you to do this more than once).
816. To apologize for the above incident (well, weeks of it), liberate your
gargoyle brethren. Do it yourself, as a show of good faith; on nights
where you've got some free time, climb to rooftops and give 'em a push
while shouting "Fly, be free!" Wonder, as the people below you must,
why the gargoyles are stone at night and plummet staight down.
817. (Continued from above.) Jump to the logical conclusion: your gargoyle
friends have been cursed by vindictive Tremere. Demand that they be
changed back; don't take no for an answer. For every gargoyle that dies
(via 'gravity poisoning'), encase one Tremere in cement to take his place.
Flesh & Bonecrafting optional. While you're at it, do something about those
pesky pedestrians who keep intercepting your winged allies in their
(brief, linear, vertical) flight.
818. Bring a rather ripe corpse to the next Conclave. Tell everyone he's a
Samedi friend from out of town, suffering from a bit of jet lag. Confide
to skeptics that he's actually had a bit too much to drink on the flight in
and he's just sleeping it off.
819. (Continued from above.) Stake your friend and turn him in at the next
blood hunt. Apologize to the Prince for getting the wrong vampire, pull
the stake out, tell your buddy you're sorry, and wait for him to accept.
When he doesn't move, try frantically to revive him.
820. Cut off your hand while ferrying across the Irish Sea, hurl it ashore
before reaching land. Claim whichever island you landed on.
821. For Saint Patrick's Day dye the Chicago River orange.
822. Through extensive use of Vicissitude, Dominate, and Dementation,
remake the Prince's neighbors into the Flanders of _the Simpsons_.
823. Publicly apologize for violating the Masqerade. Local, late-night UHF
airtime is cheap; local access cable is free.
824. As above, but only on one particular Kindred's television (the Prince
or the offended party). Splicing cable is one way, reorienting his digital
satellite dish toward a nearby building with a transmitter is another.
Chimersty is always useful.
825. Find a paranoid vampire you can manage to perpetually out-obfuscate;
refer to him as your 'roomy.'
826. Find a reclusive Kindred (bit paranoid--can't be all that rare),
preferably a writer. Chew on his pencils. If he fails to notice, chew on
his
furniture.
827. High status got you down? Invite the Harpies to an afternoon tea.
Alternately, invite only their retainers to a night event, not the Cainites
themselves.
828. Become a Harpy yourself. Issue a list--in paricular order--of Kindred
you believe to have good taste. Make other allusions to Diablerie.
829. For antitribu only: powdered gelatin in the Vinculum. Bonus points for
eyes, etc. in the place of fruit.
830. Help Salubri hide from those nasty Tremere. Poke out an eye or two.
831. Help the Giovanni. As they diversify their business holdings and form
new companies, suggest names (via dominate, frinstance) to their ad
company. 'Giovanni Unlimited InterNational Europe-America.'
832. (After watching the Prince and his entourage eat an uneventful meal)
When the Prince and his mortal guests call for the chef to compliment,
take his place--no obfuscate, though take his hat--receive their
compliments. Only considered a prank after you've developed a working
relationship
with the Prince (50-75+ pranks). Bonus points if any of his entourage know
you well enough to want to spit out his meal for safety's sake; double
if they actually do.
833. Use Vicissitude to bring Gary Larson's 'Boneless Chicken Ranch' to life.
834. Work part time as a monkey grinder. Literally.
835. Go to a police station on a busy night. Obfuscate and make bunny ears
for mugshots.
836. Rorschach cards are fun. But for those Malkavian antitribu out there
with Dementate-- Rotschreck cards! (Dare a Brujah to play solitare...)
837. Swap coffins between two vampires. Particularly ones that don1t like
each other. ...then three...
838. Know that poor Tremere with bad eyesight who1s always losing his
glasses? Get him a new pair. With a third lens.
839. (For male Malks) A little Vicissitude, have a normal birth.
840. Freshness date a Samedi (Saran Wrap(tm) is considered rude).
841. (Only for the truly suicidal) Follow a lupine around (Obfuscated, of
course). After he's been seen by a few Kindred and leaves, show up with
shredded clothes; ask what happened. Keep this up, eventually someone will
realize you're an Abomination (literally). If the lupine didn't kill
anybody (easiest if he's a friend/blood bound/etc.), you may have a job as
the Prince's new enforcer; If he does, you've found a way to call a
blood hunt without being a Prince.
842. Obfuscated, take a rifle to a showing of Bambi. Sit in the balcony and
bide your time. Limit shots to Bambi's Mom, timing is critical--you
must match up with the soundtrack. Good luck avoiding Rotschreck during the
forest fire.
843. Make one large flag with a cracked mirror on it. Fly it over the
Prince's haven, prominent Elysium sites, government buildings, etc. Level 6
obfuscate, limited to one success may be enough to hide it from mortals,
but allow the Auspex enhanced to view it. Maybe. May require something
similar to Scrawl from the Clanbook.
844. Run the Prince's car off the road, and jump out to ask "Excuse me, do
you have any Grey Poupon (tm)?".
845. Get a cannon which can propel a live bird at ~150 mph. Dress in
1920's-style tennis whites, straw boaters, frills, parasols, etc. Pack a
delightful afternoon tea. Take a basketful of birds, your cannon and lunch
to the end of a runway at the local airport. Pull!
846. (This may need some police contacts or just a bit of Dominate in the
right place.) Find a Lasombra who regularly drives his own vehicle. Get
your local traffic department to set up a speed camera on the route he
travels. Alter the speed setting so it goes off when you want it to. Change
the
position of it continually, camoflague it well, perhaps with a bit of
higher level Obfuscate or Chimestry when he starts getting *really*
paranoid.
This would be fairly annoying for most people, but, of course, the photos
will show no driver. To increase the trouble from the worried traffic
people, leak the story to the papers. Act as his agent and set up a TV
interview at his home or place of business with è·µard Copy1 if you really
feel like making trouble.
847. Break into a zoo and steal a pirhana. Embrace it (or get a Brujah
friend to embrace it), starve it. Put it in the kiddies pool.
848. Dominate a Ventrue to think he1s James Bond, 007. Send him on a
mission for England, and have the Prince be the supervillan. Send him to
the Prince1s haven with some nifty gear and some c-4. You get the idea.
Extra points for Fleshcrafting multiple Ventrues into all the different
James
Bonds, and some women into characters like Pussy Galore and Onatop.
849. Is blood really thicker than water? Find out. On pedestrians. Bonus
points for publishing your findings.
850. Break into the home of a scientist who does animal testing. Try his
experiments on a human.
851. Go to a Prince's party in a four wheel drive vehicle. Nowhere to park?
Park on top of a Ventrue's Rolls Royce. Or the prince's living room
(You might want to be very fast for this one).
852. Is there a vampire that's been annoying you lately? Have a few ghouls
go to his haven in the daytime. Wrap him well to protect him from the
sun. Relocate him in a new haven somewhere at random. Without his clothes.
853. When the above vampire returns to his haven, he discovers that it has
been torn down. And is being replaced with a mini mall. Bonus points
for owning the mall.
854. (Prank story) I've been living in Florida for a while (just got out of
Cuba), and the Cammies there weren't to happy when they found me. In
fact, the Prince was (rightly) upset and demanded I either leave with all
due haste, or suffer her wrath. I laughed and told her to piss off. For
some
reason, this made her frenzy on me, but the ghouls and vamps restrained her
while I danced on outta there. About 30 minutes later my buddy Seth
of the good ol' Serpants of the Light (yep, Sabbat to the bone) is giving
me a couple blood points to use against this prince. An hour or so after
that, I've got this vessel of transferance set up in the prince's haven --
replacing a bit of artwork she is quite meticulous about. Replacing it
slightly
off center of the podium it's supposed to be on. I wait. The Prince comes
through the hallway, notices the out-of-place clay pot, and moves it. She
now has a bit of Sabbat blood in her (and if I could get the pot back, I'd
have some of her blood). Well, in the meantime, I let myself get caught,
and hauled before the better vampires of the city, including the Prince.
While she's spieling off about my crimes, I accuse her of being a Sabbat
spy. Everyone gets real quiet, and she ever so kindly asks me to prove it.
I use some Thaumaturgy to fill a glass with a sample of her blood, which
is then passed to a Tremere or two for them to analyze. Wonders of wonders,
it's hers (spirit touch), and it's Sabbat (Taste for Blood). During the
resulting commotion, I was able to move to Mexico unhindered.
855. (Prank story) I recently was hanging at a bar with an assortment of
shady characters, when an idea struck me. I failed my dodge roll, so after
I
picked myself back up, I ordered the "Are you nuts" chicken wings
(somewhere above "suicide" in heat), but I didn't eat them... Instead, I
just
played with my food a while, then went into the men's room, and wiped my
hands on the toilet paper in both stalls. Then I waited, and the results
were... amusing.
856. Learn faerie mechanics. Replace the engine in a "friend's" car with a
large rubber band.
857. Announce you are running for President of the United States. Promise
outlandish things. Then, get elected and forget all about them. (Note:
this prank has been successfully used many times, but always seems to work).
858. In a related action, run for a political office. Promise stupid
things. Ask everyone you meet if they would vote for you. If they say no,
kill
them. See how many elections it takes to win.
859. Pick a word (preferable one that is rather common). For a day,
whenever someone says that word, scream at the top of your lungs. Then, the
look around, shrug and continue. Repeat often, picking a new word each night.
860. When enter a room, hide yourself underneath the largest piece of
furniture. Every 2 minutes, move to the next smallest piece. Then on to the
occupants of the room. Hiding inside people is quite acceptable. If anyone
asks you about it, alternatively whisper vague phrases about the CIA,
cheese balls and cow mutilations. The next time they ask, crawl out, stand
in the middle of the room and deny you did anything at all.
861. Whenever someone talks to you, ignore them. Then, once they are done,
stare at them expectantly, wait a minute and then walk off muttering,
"you'll get yours . . ."
862. Take a small rodent. Carry on your person at all times. If someone
mentions it, look frightened, whirl around, then shake your head and jot
something down in a notebook.
863. Dress up in a gorilla suit (or Fleshcraft yourself into one). Get a
big thighbone from somewhere (be creative). Walk around humming the
music from 2001 and beating the shit out of people with it. (Avoid the
scene where the sun comes out, though).
864. Find a group of goths (shouldn't be too hard. . . ) One night, after
they are asleep (naturally or not), apply a healthy coating of self-tanning
lotion (one can never be too tan, can one?) to their poor, pale
complexions. It should make them feel much better about themselves.
Alternatively,
use oil-based paints (ochre is good, so is burnt umber.) Then, if you're
still feeling helpful, liven up that dark and gloomy wardrobe of theirs!
Think spray paint, think neon, think fun, fun, fun (Richard Simmons style).
865. Get a friend (you have _one_, don't you?). Walk into a highly crowded
area. Fake a heart attack. Have your friend rush over to you, check
you out (let others check you out - don't breathe) and then proclaim you to
be dead. Then, have him give you a "magical, mystical"
pill/powder/shot/chant/whatever. Cough. Fake a heartbeat. Start to breathe.
Then, sell your miracle product for whatever it'll bring. Claim it must
be used w/in a short time of death (bring along a Samedi for illustration).
If anyone complains - tell they waited too long, kill 'em, and then try it.
Shrug when it doesn't work, and offer them their money back.
866. Begin to talk about something as if it existed when it doesn't. Ask
people questions about it (does it look bigger today?). Keep it up until
they
finally answer you. Then, calmly stare at them, and ask what the hell they
are talking about. Tell the Prince you are concerned about their mental
well being.
867. Using the 7th level dominate - Repression of the Obvious, find out
someone's deepest darkest secret. Then, help them out. Apply it on their
person any way you feel is appropriate (carve it into their forehead,
tattoo it on their chest, write it on their hands, whatever). The next day,
ask
them if they feel better yet.
868. Shave your head, except for on the sides. Go to an airport. Hand out
decapitated hamsters and a booklet linking hamsters to Satanism.
869. Find a wannabe Virtual Adept -- one that's just learning about
computers. Tell him all the K3WL \/\/AREZ are available by telnetting to
127.0.0.1. Tell him "They already know your password." It's true.
870. Break into a restaurant before it opens (or Dominate the manager into
letting you in). Replace the cola syrup in the soda dispenser with
employees' (or your own, or best yet, a Tremere's) blood.
871. Like above, except just hook the line up to a Dominated (or bound and
gagged) mortal (or Toreador).
872. Find a Country and Western bar. Replace all the CDs in the jukebox
with industrial music. That night, go the bar with a few of your
(herd/retainers/ghouls/friends), all dressed as Elvis. Mosh when the songs
start.
873. Rip out your eyeballs before sleeping one day. When you get up,
superglue the eyeballs to the door of the local NWO Construct. Write "My
Brother is Bigger than Your Brother" on the door, in blood or some other
fun substance. This works with other people's eyeballs too, of course.
874. Walk into a Toreador establishment and create a 'work of art' using
Chimerstry. Laugh as they marvel at your work. Laugh as you make it
dissapear and they blame the local Ravnos.
875. (Prank sotry) The Prince of Catonsville was a Malk (an 18th century
French vampire who thought he was Louis XIV and wasn't). He was
having a party to celebrate the 100th anniversary of his rule. In the
middle of the party, everybody was appalled to find his body sitting on his
throne ON his head. Psychometry and taste of vitae indicated that it was
indeed the prince, but there was no sign of any assasin (no footprints
_and_ no smell Mr. Badass Gangrel was quite pissed.) The Prince, who was
Obfuscated and had faked the whole thing with an elaborate scheme
involving several mages and a Lasombra Antitribu (Don't ask. I don't think
HE understands all of the convolutions) watched everybody wander
around trying to solve it. Eventually, the Ventrue made a power play. The
Prince reappeared, dropping from the chandalier, laughing at everybody
and sentencing the Ventrue responsible for said power play to Final Death.
Clever and functional. P.S. One of the clues involved a contract half
written in disappearing, reapppearing ink between a party listed in the
invisible part and the Assamites (the party was the Prince and the
assignment
was to help him find traitors. The Assamites'll do anything for money.)
876. Use Obfuscate to sneak into the Prince's house and release
cockroaches. (Can you ghoul cockroaches?)
877. While someone is sleeping build a town over them with legos. If you
feel they would compromise the town when they get up in the evening,
be sure to use crazy glue. If you're feeling daring, make them a lego
coffin. If you still have the crazy glue handy, glue them to the coffin.
Glue the
coffin to the ground. If you're feeling daring, glue the coffin to
something that will be moving around alot. Cars, trains, subways, planes,
ocean
liners, space shuttles, etc. Or for a different effect, glue it to
something that won't go anywhere. Streets, buildings, train tracks, subway
lines,
Oceanic oil rigs, the Moon, etc. You get the idea.
878. Ask the prince for permission to embrace him.
879. Juggle childer. Other peoples' of course.
880. (Requires lots of people.) Pick a bus route, any route. Best select
one which has alot of businessmen or such like using it during the rush
hour. Have someone at each bus-stop dress as a clown. As the bus comes, get
on, soon the bus will begin to fill with clowns! BUT, the clowns
must not speak to each other, sit next to each other or in any way
acknowledge each other! When some-one asks if it is a convention, say no,
that is
how you normally dress, when they point out the others clowns, act
suprised, then shocked that they copied your idea.!!!
---Johnny Mayall---jmayall@jove.acs.unt.edu---http://people.unt.edu/~jmayall---
When I was a very small boy, very small boys talked to me;
Now that we've grown up together, they're afraid of what they see.
-New Order, "True Faith"
Welcome, gentle folk and sick bastages. Yup, you have been unfortunate
enough to have opened the ninth part of the Prankthology. Yes, that's
right, the grand pappy of prank lists. So sit back, grab some lime green
jello, pet your potato, and enjoy.
Disclaimer: High levels of Dominate, Obfuscate, Vissectitude, and Dementate
are highly suggested. 'Course, a good amount of Potence, Fortitude,
and Celerity never hurt anyone. Well, not us anyway...
Disclaimer the Second: If anyone takes any of this seriously, you are
weird. If you don't get help at Charter, get help somewhere. This is all in
fun,
twisted as it may be.
The Prankthology, Part Nine of Five
881. Sneak into a liquor store. Put Ozarka Spring Water in all the vodka
bottles.
882. Go muddin'. In a souped-up bulldozer. (Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!) In the
Prince's house.
883. Find a city election. Replace the worker who checks voter ID cards.
"Suggest" to everyone that they write in your favorite candidate. Fiegn
suprise when the Prince is elected mayor.
884. Rob a jewelry store. Try and sell the merchandise back to them the
next night at cheap rates.
885. Obfuscate and give a "hot foot" to a Tremere during a ritual.
Somewhere around the word "Niktu" is usually good.
886. Find a Gangrel who frenzies a lot. And enjoys showing off his feline
features. Nab 'im one night and fleshcraft all of his kitty features into
rodent ones.
887. Dominate some cowboys into riding into a bar on horses, lassoing a
certain Brujah, and hog-tying him with duct tape. Obfuscate and watch
the show with a camcorder.
889. Follow some boyscouts on a weekend camping trip. While Obfuscated,
sneak a bunch of marijuana into their camp fire.
890. Sneak into an Italian retaurant. Find the sauce pot and replace the
mushrooms with 'shrooms.
891. Find one vampire who maintains a mortal life. Now go cut off one of
his hands and run like hell. One night, go shoot the police commissioner
and use the hand to leave fingerprints all over the gun and the crime
scene. Go tip off the donut-boys.
892. Get on an airplane. Now (using Mask of a 1000 Faces), go to the
bathroom every ten minutes and come out as someone completely different.
Bonus points if the passenger next to you checks into a lony bin upon landing.
893. Give noogies. With a pumice stone.
894. Switch a Tzimisce's homeland dirt with cow manure.
895. File an extra income tax return for that local Giovanni entrepeneur.
Be a good citizen and make sure those audits are thorough. Helping out by
returning the Gios 'misplaced' receipts is optional.
896. Spraypaint a horse white and ride it nekkid past a Catholic church for
a while. Keep leading any spectators back to the Tremere chantry.
897. With bonecraft, give that aspiring Baali some real horns.
898. Give the local Salubri a few extra eyes to help camoflague it fomr
those pesky Tremere.
[Editor's note: the day I spell camo-what-the-hell-ever correctly more than
once a month, I'll retire.]
899. Dominate a local history professor into teaching the Book of Nod.
Bonus points to the one who can dothis the longest without getting
discovered.
900. Learn Vic... ummm... learn Fleshcrafting and open a lucrative plastic
surgery practice.
901. Follow a couple on a vacation. Make sure to be Obfuscated in each
photo (naked is optional).
902. Using Dementate, drive everyone in a loony bin into sanity.
903. Give that aspiring Toreador artiste a hand before his upcoming show.
Lop off an ear and superglue a fake goatee to him. Dominate him into
thinking everything is normal.
904. Combining Horrid Form and Obfuscate, follow a live news team around
and make cameos. Holding a sign stating "Price _______ molests
cows" is, as usual, optional.
905. Attend sporting events with a hig-powered sniper rifle and a prejudice
against blimps. (No, no, not fat people...)
906. Fleshcrafting. Involuntary breast enlargement on males.
907. Carry around a Shop-Vac when visiting that clever Gangrel who likes
Mist Form so much.
908. Requires 1 person, a tall building with 2 lifts. (That's an elevator
for us uncultured Amnericans.) Have some-one occupy a lift, set up a
working shower in there and have someone start taking a shower (complete
with shower gap). When the lift is summoned and the doors open, the
suprised occupant screams, attempts to cover himself up (it was a man who
did it) and quickly press the button to close the doors... After an hour
or so, someone can arrive in the lobby wearing just a bath robe, carrying
some soap, a bath sponge or whatever. When the lift arrives, the occupant
can leave having fully showered and the new person can go in... (Oh, the
second lift is so that people can actually move about while the guy is
showering.)
909. Ghoul roaches and put them in the Prince's have. Then, when the Prince
wipes them out, you use ghouled fleshcrafted mice. It'll take 'im
longer to wipe those out, so you have time to prepare the rat-based
roaches. Then you go to cats, dogs, and, finally, kine. After he wipes out
the
last giant roach infestation, you Dominate his fave ghoul into dropping one
down his shirt.
910. Dominate an entire high school faculty into going to work naked.
Selling disposable cameras to a few students is of course optional.
911. This may take some work. Use Dominate to get nude pictures of the city
mayor, then the governor, then the state senators. Place massively
blown up pictures on billboards with a new one each month in a different
place. Laugh at the headlines.
912. As above but start with the junior members of the primogen and ending
with the prince. Bonus points for any one who survives for more than
three showings.
913. Have your ghouls go cow tipping on the Prince's lawn during the day.
You'll probably have to supply your own cows.
914. Have your ghouls go clown tipping on the Prince's lawn during the day.
You'll definitely have to supply your own clowns. Making them stay
tipped is a problem too. I like sledgehammers. Imagine the Prince's face
when he wakes up to a yard full of dead clowns. Bonus points for anyone
that can get the police to arrive at sunset. Funfunfun.
915. You might want to try playing musical chairs at any important meeting.
916. Whenever dealing with Tremere, watch carefully for any unusual type of
dress, like, say a blue ribbon around the neck. Then, start wearing
the same thing around them. If asked, deny you started doing anything
different. Keep it up for a while. Always eye them suspiciously. After
about
a month of this, start carrying something that looks like a LOT like a
stake, wrapped in tissue paper. Only when you are around them. Always eye
them suspiciously. Then, one day, show up on their doorstep with the tissue
paper wrapped thing and unwrap it in front of them. Pull out flowers
and offer them as a symbol of your love. From then on follow them around
like a puppy. Never leave them alone again.
917. Go into a drive through backwards, order money at the speaker. "I
would like to get two dollors. I'll be paying with a big mac." (Of course
they will think you are ordering a big mac.) When you drive up to the
window ask for you money, when they don't give it to you throw bologna at
them.
918. In New Orleans drive a Marte Grads Float around following the prince
all the way up to the Prince's house. (They love this.)
919. Drive a psychiatrist to insanity, despair and ultimately suicide.
(Bonus points for shortest time between deaths, huge extra bonus points for
getting a psychiatrist to drive _his_ psychiatrist to despairing suicide.)
920. Steal a Ravnos. Literally.
921. Send all of the primogens a parcel to their meeting this week. Inside
they will each receive pictures of themselves and other local Kindred in
the most obscene pictures (all computer aided of course) and a ransom note
saying I know what you all are doing and to keep me quiet I want
10,000 dollars or I will release the video tape to the press and police
with a complete description of their actions.
922. Purchase Dracula cape and plastic teeth. Wearing these, and without
using Disciplines, see how many people you can convince that you are a
vampire. Children count half. Other Kindred count double.
923. Get a few friends. Dress up as an old style chain gang. Make lots of
rubble. Start with city hall ot the Prince's house.
924. Take a few antacids, Drink a bit of water, Eat a lot of live goldfish
very shortly before a meeting. Walk inb with a fishbowl filled with water.
Introduce everyone to your new pets by inducing vomiting.
925. Threaten someone that you are going to "rearrange their face". Use
fleshcraft to do so.
926. Call everyone mommy. Everyone. Even yourself.
927. Go to a few libraries and rearrange all the books, remembering that
they do not have to go in the library where you found them.
928. Take a very strong magnet (the kind used to spin radar dishes is small
enough and powerful enough to use effectivley) Go to one of those new
businesses that stores "safe" backups for other area businesses. Erase
everything. Be sure to destroy the originals first.
929. Fake Touret's syndrome for a while. Tell the prince what you think of him.
930. Fake a new accent every day, have handy stories to maintain you really
are from that location. Maim all who do not beleive you.
931. Dig up Elvis and, using strings, give him one last performance in Las
Vegas. Sing the songs yourself, and do not make any attempt to sound
like Elvis at all.
932. One night, go around the ciry and kill the pet's of everyone you find
walking a dog. Dominate them into walking the dog around untill they
drop from exhaustion, singing the song "Dead Puppies Aren't Much Fun".
Explain to them this is very important, and anyone trying to stop them
must be killed.
933. Dominate a Semedi into walking around a medical convention. Scream "I
did it! I did it! He's Alive!" and just disappear, leaving the poor soul
there.
934. (You must live (exist in a state of deadness?) in a rural place for
this one.) Dominate a Ventrue. Use him to castrate all prime breeding
thouroughbred horses near you. (BITE ) Maybe have him/her swallow all the
testes so they vomit them up later. Release him/her. Make sure they
know they were drinking the blood from horse testes.
935. Get mugged. Refuse to submit. Refuse to lower yourself to violence.
Refuse to allow the mugger(s) to in any way impinge on your rights,
freedom or actions.
936. Collect muggers. Tie them all together. Put the whole bundle
(conscious) in the Police Station's parking lot.
937. Opening scenes of The Terminator. Let one of every Nth gang get away,
naked of course. Whether they're all the same size or have a vast
range of sizes in up to the prankster.
938. Addams Family: "Is it made with real lemons? ... I'll buy some of your
lemonade if you'll buy some of my girl scout cookies." "Are they
made with real girl scouts?" (Need I say more?)
939. Use fish instead of gambling chips. Insist the currencies are non-
interchangeable.
940. Listen to Tom Lehrer's "Be prepared." Demonstrate. Female friend for
last few lines recommended.
941. Fleshcraft Pamela Anderson to look like Cindy Crawford. Fleshcraft
Cindy Crawford to look like Michelle Pfeiffer. Fleshcraft Michelle
Pfeiffer to look like Claudia Schiffer ...
942. Fleshcraft a load of junior high kids to look like whoever's in all
their posters ... mixed school or single-sex, your choice.
943. Silicone breast-enhancement. Fleshcraft. Oops.
944. Fleshcraft both members of a sleeping couple to look like other
people. Give them memories of some orgy or something. Recording the
conversation optional.
945. Find a fox-hunt. Arm yourself and mount up. Destroy the vicious
murdering creatures... shotgun for the hounds, lance and saber for the
riders.
946. Fish. Is it possible to replace every syllable in someone's vocabulary
with "Fish," and would s/he still make sense?
947. Track down and kill all but one member of the casts of as many TV
shows as possible. Creativeness in dealing with Forever Knight and K:tE
scores extra.
948. Dominate a totally sober man into being totally drunk. Tail him until
the police pull him over. Marketting a new breathalyser is a nice
embellishment.
949. LARP sites and clubs sometimes give points for role-playing skill.
Help a few of the less willing to overcome their reluctance in this matter.
Even better, help the entire party. What you do to the "monsters" is up to
you...
950. Fleshcraft a man to look like Cindy Crawford, but leave his
You-know-what on. Dominate him into believing he really is a woman, a very
horny woman. Send him to a single's bar. Watch and wait.
951. Go to the top of the Empire state building. see if dropping quarters
on people really does kill them. Substitute people for quarters if it's not
working
952. Septic system, air compressor, Prince's pool.
953. Make a drum set out of the guys from Poison using Vissectitude. Think
John Bohnam.
954. Drano, food coloring, blood bank
955. Shave a Garou and turn him into a ghoul. Drop him in the middle of a
Gangrel meeting.
956. Get a pure silver pie tin filled it with crazy glue and put some
whipped cream on top. Then go over to the nearest garou and ask if he wants
pie. Don;t let your generosity be denied.
957. Know that annoying Toreador primogen? Crazy glue his butt cheeks
together, while at the same time having a charity auction at his haven
(auctiong off all his belongings and haven of course) to benefit a Garou
backed charity.
958. Bored with being the Prince of a city that doesn;t appreciate your
management talents? Fire your primogen. Hire replacements fomr a temp
agency.
959. If another Caineite decides to try and oust you, begin campaigning to
stay in office. Put flyers around the city saying "Vote for [insert name
here] for Prince of the City!". Make grandisoe campagne promises. Resort to
slanderous TV ads only at last resort.
960. Fast-food trick: ask for a Big Mac with no lettuce, no cheese, no
sauce, no pickles, no onions, no bun and no meat. Pay for the burger and
leave.
961. Start by removing a door from inside the house (the prince's of
course). Then Obfuscate, and leave to get a replacment door. Installing the
new door in place of the old, de-activate Obfuscate. Now try walking thru
the solid door. When someone asks what you're doing, tell them that
you imagined the door into existance, but can't make it go away, or
exercise any control over it; it behaves like a REAL door.
962. Find out the route of the torch runner through your area. One well
placed water ballon should do the trick nicely. Watch the fun as they must
get a special flame to relight the torch. Keep doing it for as long as you can.
963. Get a friend to help you with this one. Obfuscate to like the Torch
bearer and have your friend obfuscate the real runner invisible. Take
everyone on your own more exciting route instead of that boring one through
the city! The possibilites abound.
964. "Fix" the main torch at the games site so that no matter what, it
won't light. Watch the fun abound.
965. Find a pedestrian-only section of street with lots of shops along it,
surrounded by tall buildings (Sydney's Pitt St Mall and New York's
Rockerfeller Center come to mind...). In the middle of late-night shopping,
basejump from one of the buildings into the crowd (sans parachute, of
course...). Lay in a crumpled and bloody heap for a few seconds, heal up
and ask everyone for a sticking plaster.
966. Find the local Prince's haven and put a 'Moose Crossing' sign on
either side of the road out front. Then fill an 8'-tall inflatable moose
with
cement and leave it on the road. Works best where mooses aren't exactly
thick on the ground (like Beijing). Wait for the look on the Prince's face
when injured moose-victims stagger to his front door to use the phone and
police and media turn up to interview him (esp. if he is Lasombra).
Bonus points if attempted in Greenwich Village, and it causes a mystery
cult to start up (Hermetic Order of the Cement Moose -- has a distinct
Tremere ring to it.)
967. Make bullets with a small piece of pork in them. Then go and shot
muslems in the arm/leg and tell them they're going to hell.
968. Get some plastic fangs--the really cheap and fake looking kind. One
night, find a lone pedestrian on a deserted street. Put on the fangs, sneak
up on them, and bite them on the neck. When they scream, hold up your hands
in disalarm. Take out the fangs, hand them to them. Then smile at
them with your real teeth and obfuscate.
969. [Ed. Note: Very long prank.] First, you go to your local pet store and
buy 6 ferrets (or go to the zoo and get real weasels). then you take them
home and you sedate them. Next go to you local mini mall and pick up the
rest of the supplies:
-electric hair clippers
-spray paint (assorted colors)
-a beret (the french-type hat)
-body piercing gun (studs and rings as well)
-super glue
-paint brush
-large strike-anywhere match
-gold underwear (weasel sized)
-buisiness suit jacket and tie (weasel sized)
-magician's top hat and bow tie (also weasel-sized.)
-lumber jacket (weasel sized again)
-lage pair of scissors
-large u.p.s. box
-six pencils
-ball of string
-envelope with overseas stamps
-pen
-cards (blank greeting type)
-old magazines/newspapers
Go home. Take the first weasel and shave most of its hair off. No need to
be too careful. Take the spray paint and paint it assorted pukey colors.
Set it aside. Take the next weasel and shave its hair into a mohawk, pierce
it ears, nose, genitals ect. spray paint a big "a" in a circle on its back
and
then set it aside. With the third weasel spray paint both its front paws
and super glue the paint brush to one and glue the beret to it head. Put it
with
the other two finished ones. Take the next weasel, put the buisness jacket
, tie and the gold underwear on it and set aside. Next weasel: place
lumber jacket on it and set aside. Now with the last weasel cut off its
balls with the scissors and place them in the envelope. address it "Council
of
Seven, Vienna". Lick envelope closed and place in mail box. go back home.
Glue top hat on head of butchered weasel and glue match to its front
paw. Place bow tie around neck and use the spray paint to draw an archaic
symbol on the weasel's face.
Embrace each weasel one at a time and immediately stake each one with a
pencil (they'll be pissed so don't let them get away). Place staked weasels
in UPS box and glue tops of pencils to top of box. If box is too big, glue
string to pencils then top of box. Now, make up some little notes stating
"the weasels are coming" (use ransom note style- cut-out letters so they
won't know your handwriting) and send them to random members of your
Camarilla. Now go dominate some hapless UPS guy into delivering the package
in the middle of next court. Add extra paperwork just to piss off
the prince. Make sure to make the return adress the Tremere chantry (or
blame any clan you don't like). When the prince or other important
omnipotant being opens the box, thus unstaking the weasels, they will fly
out of the box thirsty for blood. You have now introduced some good
old-fashined fun and chaos into an otherwise stufy and dull court. When
asked who is responsible, respond adamantly that the fairies did it. You
may also want to dominate or otherwise convince some others to agree with you.
970. Embrace a Jehovah's Witness. Now Dominate the memory of the embrace
away and keep him at his old job. Rather fanatically.
971. Go to a local hospital, find someone in a full body cast or traction.
Dominate them and tell them that when the clock strikes a certain time,
they
are to get up and dance! They can not stop until they have danced. Should
make the nurses job a bit more fun.
972. While you're in the Hospital, stroll down to the ICU burn unit.
Replace all the sterile water they use on burn vitims to clean away the
dead
skin and the burns with rubbing alcohol.
973. Go to the airport. You know those nice bright flashing lights they
have on the poles at the end of the airport boundries? Steal two of them.
Go
home, get a car battery or two. Wire the lights to a trigger switch. Make a
harness to wear the lights on your body and buy an exceptionally large
trench coat. Obfuscate to look normal. Set the trigger switch to set off
the lights at full intesity when you open your trench coat. Now go give a
new
meaning to "Flashing".
974. A high level of scrounging is needed for this one. Having trouble with
those pesky Tremere? Well, find out where the chantry is and when
they're having the big Annual Bake sale and Magic show. Get airial
photgraphs of the location. Sneak out of town to a nearby city (in this
case,
since the game was set in NYC, the prankster went to Boston). Now using you
scrounging abilities, find a 747 or some plane that makes a shuttle
run back to your home city (You know NY to Boston once on the hour..) (By
the way level 4 scrouning says you can find a 747 on an hour's
notice). Find the one plane that will be landing about 30 minutes after
sunrise and get the Captains name. Go find him and dominate him to bring
the rest of the crew to you one at a time. Dominate all of them to your
will. Mesmerize the cockpit crew to have "engine trouble" within range near
the chantry location and to make sure that all of the readings will be
consistant with engine failure (after all, the black box is recording
this!!).
Instruct them to time things right so as to crash the plane right on the
chantry location. Oh yes, be sure to dominate them into forgetting what you
look like (better safe than sorry). Sit back and watch the show. No more
Tremere problem. It is strongly reccomended that you have a ghoul or
your sire look like you and be seen about the town that night, just to be safe.
975. Only for the truly reckless. Go to the airport and try to sneak
through the metal detector with an M60,.50 caliber machine gun. Try to get
it
through without Obfuscate. Convince security it's your video camera and
that you're a combat photographer on assignment. Use dominate as a last
resort. See how far you can get. Bonus points if you actually get on the plane.
976. Bring your own cannnon (or similar weapon) to a performance of the
1812 Overture.
977. Find a Bible Studies Class in a Christian school, dominate the teacher
into praising the merits of: The Necronomicon, Crowley's Book Of The
Law, The Delicate Maul of Bright Shadows, you get the idea. Bonus Points if
you can get the Pope to do this.
978. Walk into a House of Mirrors, cover your eyes, set off a flare.
979. Find a white male member of the Inquisition and tip him off about "a
vile undead posing as a prominent Rabbi." Make sure there's at least one
video camera on hand.
980. Dominate a Tremere into telling the truth, the whole truth, and
nothing but the truth, stake her and leave her on the doorstep of an
Arcanum
Chapterhouse.
981. Play bagpipe solos in your local library.
982. This one requires Obfuscate and lots Vicissitude. Find a movie
theatre, turn invisible and stand in front of a screen showing a horror
movie.
Assume the Horrid Form. At an appropriate moment, appear and start chasing
the audience.
983. Throw chickens into a mosh pit.
984. Use Mask Of A Thousand Faces or Fleshcraft to make yourself look like
the Prince. Suck helium and give orders.
985. Find a shopping mall with a large fountain. Drop some Cesium in it and
run.
986. Mow as many lawns as possible and fill the princes haven with grass
clippings. If possible, include a cow, goat, or other grazing animal.
987. Hire a Mariachi band for the next Toreador Social.
988. Make a ghoul goldfish and take it for a walk. (With thanks to my
friend Cloak, check out his pages: Winterholm and Autumn Glen)
989. Find a popular priest (the religion doesn't matter) and use
Dementation on him/her just before a sermon.
990. Enlist the aid of someone with Animalism. Send a flock of Parrots to
disrupt a music festival.
---Johnny Mayall---jmayall@jove.acs.unt.edu---http://people.unt.edu/~jmayall---
When I was a very small boy, very small boys talked to me;
Now that we've grown up together, they're afraid of what they see.
-New Order, "True Faith"
Welcome, gentle folk and sick bastages. Yup, you have been unfortunate
enough to have opened the tenth part of the Prankthology. Yes, that's
right, the grand pappy of prank lists. So sit back, grab some lime green
jello, pet your potato, and enjoy.
Disclaimer: High levels of Dominate, Obfuscate, Vissectitude, and Dementate
are highly suggested. 'Course, a good amount of Potence, Fortitude,
and Celerity never hurt anyone. Well, not us anyway...
Disclaimer the Second: If anyone takes any of this seriously, you are
weird. If you don't get help at Charter, get help somewhere. This is all in
fun,
twisted as it may be.
The Prankthology, Part Ten of Five
991. This one works best with Animalism. Train a seagull to aim properly
and go looking for good targets.
992. Yell "Speak up!" at Mimes. Do it until it works.
993. Befriend the local Anarchs and escort them to the next Ventrue Board
Meeting.
994. Play Chainsaw Tag in a crowded mall.
995. Hire snipers to break up the next NRA meeting.
996. Bring a huge cross to the next Pagan festival.
997. Wear lots of Orange on St. Patrick's Day. (With thanks to Mohan)
998. Walk into a typical Coffeehouse and tell all the Goths to cheer up.
999. Kidnap someone and force them to listen to a looped album of elevator
music.
1000. Use Mask of a Thousand Faces or Fleshcraft to look like Tupac and
blame the killing on a prominent music critic.
1001. Make yourself look like O.J. Simpson, call a press conference, and
confess.
1002. Go to Prague and replace the big statue of Stalin with a 3-meter
stature of Michael Jackson (oops, too late).
1003. Go to a Slayer concert, bring a powerful sound system and lots of
Disco music.
1004. Find an uptight, anal creature of the night (not too hard) and fill
their haven with laughing-clown dolls.
1005. Find someone who looks symptathetic and helpful, run up to them, act
panic-stricken, and explain your problem (which needs immediate
attention) in Aramaic.
1006. Drain someone's swimming pool and replace it with illusionary water.
1007. Send a message to the Arcanum explaining that every true detail about
vampires can be found in the movie Lost Boys.
1008. Go to a performance of Peter Pan, shoot Tinkerbell, and clap your
hands until she comes out of a coma.
1009. Find a meeting of the IRA and leave a sound system in the ventilation
shaft with a loop tape of "God Save The Queen".
1010. You know thjat old flaming dog of dog crap on the doorstep trick?
Substiture C-4.
1011. [Here's a prank story of a Malk annoyed with his sire and wanting to
have some fun at others' expense.]
"Dear Dad, This is hard for me to say, so I'll just say it...I'm Gangrel.
Now I know this comes as a surprise, but hear me out. All along I
suspected I was different.. My love for animals, my want of transforming so
I can fly, and so on. Ever since I saw Holling give me those big red
eyes, I knew it was only a matter of time before I would finally come out
of the closet and let the undead world know that your son was coming to
terms with what he truly was...Gangerl. I knew I was finally living up to
my true emotions when I joined GALA (Gangrel and Lupine Alliance).
Please don't be angry or saddened by my admitting this, I know you saw it
comming. I just hope you understand, and help grandpa understand,
that this is what I am.
Love, your son
Leo
xoxoxo"
"Holling" is one of the Gangrels in the party. "Grandpa" is his sire's sire
- Jack the Ripper! and Jack's a total insomniac with a very grim sense of
humor. After he sent this letter He began telling everyone he was Gangrel
and said Holling was his sire. Holling has begun to look over his
shoulder just in case someone thinks he may have sired without permission.
Leo has embarassed Holling to no end as his "childe".
Leo has also learned all the Gangrel Clan disciplines and has put them to
interesting uses. With earth meld - he has grabbed people and melded into
the ground with them and them left them there. With protean he turned into
bat formm, flew to Central Park, scooped up horse dung, and bombed
the Ventrue club because he got thrown out. Once in mist form, he hid
inside the other Gangrels pet Husky (Three guesses as to how he got his
mist form in the dog!).
1012. Substitute Nair for shampoo.
1013. Go to every toy store in town and buy as much Silly Putty as you can
get. Buy a couple of telephone cords (the curly ones you plug into the
handset.) Buy some sort of travel clock or a digital times. Last but not
least, buy a very popular type of carry on bag. Shape the silly putty into
bricks, plug the phone cords into the bricks, then attach them to the
clock. Go to a local airport and swap bags with someone who has an
identical
one. Enjoy the show.
1014. Carve computer-generated ripples in the surface of a main highway,
and when vehicles pass over them, mysterious voices whisper and
distant music plays. Two ripple-tracks, one for each tire, should give
stereo sound.
1015. Build a battery powered Tesla Coil, clip it to your belt and run a
wire out to an argon-filled mylar sphere. When turned on, the wire will
grow a large blazing white ball of lightning filaments. Run screaming
through the night chased by a ball of lightning in a hardly-noticeable
clear
bag. Charred, smoking clothing would be good too. Ahhhhhh! It's biting meeeee!
1016. Ever seen a kick me sign? Diablorize me. On a well hated Tremere.
Someone might take him up on it.
1017. As above, only with "I suck for Blood".
1018. So the Prince/Primogen/Sheriff/Whatever has a REALLY good body? Wait
'till there's a court meeting. Establish eye contact. Dominate.
"Strip!"
1019. Write a REALLY hot letter. Include farm animals, small wooden objects
and the jaws of life. Seal it, and give it to a Neonate trying to climb
up the social ladder. (Bonus points if you Mask to look like the Nosferatu
Primogen at the time.) Dominate the Neonate into giving the letter to
someone important of the same sex. (Male works best, because they're soooo
easy to upset in such matters...). Have the Neonate swear the letter is
from them.
1020. In an LARP for some OOC fun, Obfuscate and make faces at people you
don't like. They can't see you, remember? Make bunny ears.
1021. Get a pair of REALLY cool shades. (Bonus points for the palm trees!).
Get a stuffy Ventrue. Dominate the Ventrue to wear the shades.
1022. Mesmerize can be fun, fun, fun! Come up with a conspiracy theory.
Mesmerize people to suddenly scream "COWS!" when they hear the
word "Gangrel". Could the Gangrel really be a strange half-breed of were-cow?
1023. Telepathy can also be fun, fun, fun! Wait 'till there's political
unrest. Obfuscate. Walk up to the Prince. Tell her that she's going to die.
Repeat to all Primogen. Now find a near-frenzyed Brujah who hates the
Prince. Start stirring up unrest. Obfuscate again. Whisper about how
paranoid the Elders have been lately. Gee, what could they be up to that
they don't want the Brujah to find out about? See if you can't make your
litle prophesy furfill itself.
1024. For all you handsome young males out there, wait until a chick with
great legs is wearing a short skirt. Obfuscate. Lie down under her and
get a really, really, really good view. Make sure she's in a large crowd of
very important people, and is trying to impress them! Okay, now make
yourself visable.
1025. Ghoul a random mortal and tell everyone that s/he is your childe. See
how horribly you can get everyone ELSE to break the Masquerade
around him/her. Demand a blood hunt.
1026. [Prank story...]
The sheriff of the city was being rather annoying and violent, and this
wonderful low power Nosferatu had to take him out somehow. However
was he going to do it?
He waited until the Sheriff made a mistake... in this case, killing a
werewolf hunter (right place, right time, wrong species) right in the
middle of a
park where a lot of vampies were meeting with Potence (!!!). Well, this
nossie masked himself to look like the sheriff, then mugged three wives of
the policemen investigating the case. He used his media to push the story
through.
1027. [More on the above story...]
Same sheriff... Wants my character dead. (Who can blame him? She's been
caling his hair a mop from day one). There are rumors of Sabbat
contacts in the city, which the sheriff is trying to track down. THis
character has friends with underworld influences, so that whenever he
follows a
trail, it mysteriously leads back to him. At this point, she dominates him
so that whenever it does he'll remember a new memory associating himself
with the Sabbat. (Although never directly).
At the same time, she goes to the Tremere, and dominates one into having a
"vision" (via "spirit's touch") next time he touches the sheriff. The
"vision" is of him doing nasty sabbat-like things (although again, never
directly is it mentioned). She then goes to the Tremere primogen and
implants a suggestion that when she next hears of trechery associated with
hte sheriff, she'l get VERY angry at him and do anything in her power
to destroy him... So far so good.
In the meantime, my character uses her law influences to break the sheriff
out of jail (see abovemencioned mugging) as a gestuer of good will.
Now, almost all the strings are closed.... But there are two more
suggestions to implant. One of my characters personalities starts hinting
that she
knows something about this whole sabbat deal. One of the nossies begs her
for info. She gets a boon out of him, then comes to him the next week
looking nervous and jittery and tells him that she's stuck her nose too far
in and is pulling out before she gets herself baked... and that he should
be
doing hte same thing as well. As she's leavnig, she turns and remarks in an
offhand way: "Oh, and watch your sheriff."
Now that all the seeds are planted, it's time to water them. In the next
meeting, I plan wait until the sheriff's past crimes against the masquerade
(The killing and poor cover-up, the subsequent muggings, his refusal to
leave town...) are brought up, and then, in a mournful voice while shaking
my head, remark: "It's almost as if he WANTS to break the masquerade." Of
course, I plan to get a couple narrators to OOCly remind the players
beforehand what the first sign of a sabbat invasion is...
1028. New Game: "Kick the Caitiff." Fun for the whole clan!
1029. Another New Game, using Fleshcraft. "Pin the tail on the Gangrel."
Using a Lupine tail. I suggest that you throw in some Obfuscate as well
when fuzzy finds out where his tail is.
1030. Assamite hunting you? No problem! A little Fleshcrafting, a little
Dominating and presto! Someone who looks like you and thinks that he is
you. Let the assassin kill off your double, then show up at his haven and
tell him that he did a very poor job. Bonus points for showing him how
it's really done.
1031. Ever noticed the people that seem to park their vehicles in the
handicapped spots illegally? Arrange it so they can park there legally.
1032. Or, for those people who think that they can double park their
vehicles because the own a Mercedes...get a couple of Brujah buddies (The
big bodybuilding kind with Potence to spare) to place the car upside down.
A few miles away from where the car was to begin with.
1033. Take a large amount of pure sodium (Raid a high school chemistry lab
if necessary). Sprinkle it all over the Prince's front lawn. Turn on the
sprinklers. Relocate to another country after the explosion.
1034. Replace all the lasers in a laser tag arena with real guns. Sit back
and enjoy all of the lovly expressions of the faces of people when they
realize that their friends are not getting back up in 5-6 seconds.
1035. Get some of your buddies. Reinact the Rodney King beating several
times, several different places, have fun, switch roles, let the single
black guy beat up a dozen cops. Bonus points for being caught on tape.
Enjoy the headlines and riots the next day.
1036. Dress up as Darth Vader, get a sharp sword and lots of those little,
red glow sticks and put 'em together. Walk around randomly cutting off
peoples hands, then in a mean voice with lots of heavy breathing tell them
your their father.
1037. Wait for a Gangrel to earth meld. Make mud. Find a 'Tor e a dork'
who's into pottery and tell them you have a gift for them because you're
sorry for all the bad nasty things you've done to them. Give them the mud.
Watch the fun.
1038. Put liquid esxtacy in humdifiers.
1039. (Prank recipe)
Requires:
2 x malkavians
1 x ambulance and ambulance crew
1 x large city with several hospitals
Fleshcraft, bonecraft, (Driving is optional, but greatly prolongs the fun.)
Obtain an ambulance crew. This can be easily done by causing a major
traffic accident and taking one of the crews which arrive.
Knock out/Dominate the crew and keep them somewhere safe for the night (be
careful not to break them, you need them later.)
Fleshcraft yourselves to look like the ambulance crew and start answering
calls. Very few of the accident and illness victims you pickup will be
gruesome enough to be really fun for the hospital staff. Make good this
deficit on the way to the hospital. Oh, by the way, there's no need to
interrupt your fun by actually escorting patients into the hospital and
filling out those long forms. You have done your duty simply getting them
there. Tip them out by the main doors and head off.
You may find that it pays to use different hospitals after the first couple
of deliveries, as avoiding the roadblocks and armed police can be tedious.
In addition, you may find that the ambulance service will cease to transmit
the loaction of patients in need of your services. No problem -
remember, there are accidents waiting to happen everywhere. Help them.
Finally, near dawn/when you become bored/have drunk too much blood,
retrieve the original ambulance crew (you _did_ keep them safe, didn't
you?). Dominate them to have no memories of any events that night. Put them
in the ambulance and let them drive back to base unharmed. After all,
you can't be cruel _all_ the time.
1040. Musical chairs with C-4.
1041. Dress up as great white hunter ala Elmer Fudd style, go out
were-moose hunting, with an elephant gun or a light anti-tank weapon. (what
you categorize as were-moose is up to you) Now everytime you shoot at
something and miss, blame it on the invisible were-moose that got in the
way.
1042. (you may need friends for this one) go to a junior HS and fleshcraft
all the boys into looking like Beavis or Butt-head, now dominate them
all into going to the opening night of the Beavis and Butt-head movie.
bonus point if you can fill the whole theater with them.
1043. Dominate Chicken Willy.. err. I mean Bill Clinton into confessing to
everything to do with Whitewater during his inaugural speach. Bonus
points for having him stop in the middle to take hits off a bhong.
1044. Dominate Tipper Gore into attending a 2 live Crew concert, complete
with press coverage of the event.
1045. Convince a Toreador antitribu that has vicissitude that he's Picasso
and that the kin are his canvas. Now follow him around and enjoy the
fun.
1046. Dominate a Baali into believing that Barney is the lord of all demons.
1047. "A massive power outage seemed hit Boston earlier tonight, darkening
all but a select group of windows. The windows appeared to be in a
pattern that would read 'I NY'"
1048. Fill the fountain at Washington Square Park in NYC with lime green
Jello and Vodka.
1049. Share your pilfered blood bags with your friends, but keep another
filled with raspberry syrup just in case.
1050. Break into another character's get-away car and replace the engine
with a gerbil wheel.
1051. Use Telepethy and Dominate to carry on conversations with other
people using another's mouth. Divulge information only you know about
the person. Should get some interesting looks and reactions.
1052. (For the discriminating Malk Prince...) Read a list of names and
saying the following people will NOT be diablerized today. Then call off
all
the names except one and when they bring it up say 'oh.. I guess you're
right.. I didn't call your name.'
1053. Use Dominate to make a drunken Gangrel sing an operatic version of
his very own theme song which consists of his name quoted over and
over and over again.
1054. You know that Tremere with the Toledo saber with an anti-Kindred
ward? Glue it to its sheathe, making for a very irritating situation in the
next combat.
1055. Paint stylish red flames on your favorite Toreador's sleek black
sportscar.
1056. Shave the Gangrel's pet wolf to look like a poodle.
1057. (Prank story...)
In an emergency, the Sheriff (a Toreador) and Seneschal (a Malkavian) of
the city had to boost the Ventrue Primogen's car to run off and rescue
someone. Seeing that it was for a good cause, the Ventrue Primogen simply
asked for them to replace the stolen vehicle. The Malkavian brought
back an identical car in perfect condition, but when the Primo's ghoul
opened up the car to check it out, he was assaulted by the horde of weasels
the Malk had put in there.
1058. Know that annoying Gangrel who constantly scoffs at you? Pave over
his Earth Meld spot during the day.
1059. Seal everyone inside the Elysium and re-enforce the windows with some
form of plexiglass. This will result in a lot of toasted kindred (there
are a LOT of windows). See who uses who for a shield.
1060. You've probably seen dirty cars in which some semi-literate goon has
written "wash me" in the dirt. Same idea, only use a key and write
"paint me", preferably on a nice new, shiny, pristine car. Particularly
good on that new Ferrari the Ventrue Primogen refused to let you borrow.
1061. Disassemble a motor-cycle being and re-assemble it into industrial
looking scupltures of characters from 'Saturday Night Fever'.
1062. Rent a crop-duster and bomb a Tremere chantry with chalk.
1063. Follow the Toreador promogen around for three weeks having his car
towed every place he parks.
1064. Fill the basement of a public haven with lime jello.
1065. (Prank story...)
He spent about three months (and several hundred thousand dollars)
strategically placing ceramic tiling and steel plates about the buildings
around
his apartment and the rave... finally, on a night when the club had a
particularly large crowd and was being particularly loud, he got some Malk
friends of his to set up speakers _all around_ the building he lived in,
attached all of them to a single receiver, attached the receiver to a
single-disc
CD player, and turned the entire monstrous unit on very, very softly...
...then turned it up a bit... (not having started the CD, of course)
...cued the CD to the second song and put it on pause... turned the
speakers up to
the point where he could hear them, then turned them up so that his
ceramics and steel started to vibrate. He pressed "play".
The buildings for two blocks in any given direction became a giant
sounding-board for "Birdhouse in your Soul". He had turned the plates,
tiles,
and volumes just right so that none of the buildings suffered any ill effects.
The rave moved. He had a peaceful rest of the Chronicle.
1066. Got a real hick in your coterie? Let him know you know his true
colors by Dominating a ghoul to paint the back of his neck red.
1067. Coterie got you down with all that psycho-Rambo-crap when all you
want is pschyo-love-and-fun? Dominate a ghoul to replace all their
ammunition with rubber bullets.
1068. As you know, the night before the big Thanksgiving Day parade they
inflate those giant ballons. GO HUNTING! Take out as many of the
ballons as you can. A large caliber weapon is recommended. Watch the fun as
they will try to repair them. Keep it up as long as you can.
1069. Only for the truly reckless: Take out the ballons DURING the parade.
Sun Block 1,000,000 highly recommended.
1070. Only for the truly deranged: As per #1068: Steal all the Helium tanks
and refill them with Hydrogen. Then go ballon hunting with tracer
ammo (Can you say Hindenburg?).
1071. Only for the Utterly demented: As per #1070, BUT during the parade
instead. This will really keep everyone on their toes.
1072. Find out where an Elvis convention is. When awards are given out,
unobfuscate as Elvis, take the award, announce that you are the only
King, and then obfuscate and escape leaving everybody shocked.
1073. Obfuscate as Jesus in a church revival that's overfilled in the
spirit. Give an announcement and then leave obfuscated.
1074. Break into the place where SAT, ACT, TASP, and IQ are graded. Rig the
scantron machines causing them to make dum be smart and smart
be dum.
1075. Paint thinner, a hammer, and a Toreador's haven. Need I say more?
1076. Orange slices and luchmeats do interesting things to car paint.
1077. Next time someone says you've lot your marbles, collect as many small
spheres as you possibly can, and tightly confine them somewhere
unexpected. Refrigerators, closets, and entire rooms full of the little
buggers are nice. (This takes LOTS of marbles. Start collecting right
away.)
1078. Know a Lick who's proud of their mortal-type cooking? Hairspray on
the stove burners will definately add spice to their dinner parties.
1079. Feather pillows and centralized ventilation systems offer many
oppertunities.
1080. Fleshcraft and Dominate some poor shmuck into Prince _____. Have him
order any Ravnos in the city out of it on pain of Blood Hunt.
Watch the news travel. Watch the real Prince get the "Treatment". Be ready
to leave the country if it doesn't work.
1081. One word on dealing with any tree-huggers: Herbicide. Be creative.
Write messages with it.
1082. Ghoul the local team's cuddly little mascot.
1083. Experiment with buoyancy: How long will various casket styles float
when occupied?
1084. Crazyglue all sorts of expensive little trinkets to incredibly heavy
shelves. Invite some Ravnos over. Watch them try and pocket stuff.
1085. Know someone with incredibly high-quality, expensive wood furniture?
Ever wondered if you can ghoul termites and carpenter ants?
1086. Water balloons. Obfuscate. Celerity. Permanent hair dye.
1087. A Blue Blood clothes-horse gone for the weekend? Call up Goodwill and
Salvation Army for a clothes pick-up.
1088. Tape Brady-Bunch episodes and Richard Simmons workouts over all of
your favorite Kindred's movie collection. Crazyglue the channel
knob to CNN or PBS. Destroy the remote. (This may not work as a prank on a
fellow Malkie.)
1089. Saran Wrap + Some idiot's coffin + A hair dryer= Layers and layers of
shrink-wrapped fun!
1090. Replace a Tremere's occult library with Dr. Seuss and Richard Scary.
1091. Replace a Torrie's priceless poetry collection with Shel Silverstein.
1092. Dominate a Settite into a Girl Scout Troop Leader.
1093. Dominate some girl scouts into thinking a Settite is their troop leader.
1094. Gift someone you hate with a want ad stating: "Single Undead
Male/Female, seeks lovers of same sex to become vampiric slaves and help
assassinate Prince ______. Call: (their number) For more details. Ask for
Sweetie-Buns"
1095. Dominate some city workmen into placing a port-a-potty over a
Gangrel's earth-meld spot. Better yet, have them dig a real, old-fashioned
outhouse.....
1096. Dominate local Brujah into thinking a new art gallery is a rave.
Replace the piped in classical stuff with heavy-duty techno.
1097. Dominate/Dement a Torrie painter into believing all colors are neon
purple.
1098. Dominate members of the appropriate clans into thinking they're
various members of The Village People.......proclaim the next court to be
Disco Night.
1099. Dominate the entire city council into having a toga party in front of
the local courthouse.
1100. Obfuscate and sneak into the studio of "Strange Universe" or some
other show devoted to the supernatural. Show them what "Strange
Occurances" really are......bonus if it's a live show or has a studio audience.
Thus ends part the Prankthology, Part Ten of Five. The LAST Prankthology.
But wait, what's this? MORE pranks? Why yes, it is! That's right,
bozos, bonus pranks. Enjoy 'em while they last.
1101. Obfuscate, Celerity, a bicycle horn, and a right-wing militia
training camp.
1102. Attend a KKK rally. Dominate different Klansmen into thinking they're
various civil rights leaders. Bonus points for every Malcolm X and
Jesse Jackson.
1103. Obfuscate and choose a direction. Walk in as straight a line as you
possibly can. Go over or through anything that gets in your way.
1104. Obfuscate and hang out near a corner with a long light. When it turns
red, climb onto the roof of the nearest car and jump up and down a few
times.
1105. Same as above, only use Celerity to steal as many car parts as you
can. Get several friends together, and turn it into a team competition.
1106. Go to a crime scene, and Dominate the cop with the chalk into playing
hopscotch.
1107. Obfuscate in an electronics/computer store. Play with a powerful
magnet. (Be sure to get the security cameras too.)
1108. Replace a local baker. Remember "Jack and the Beanstalk?" Bake bread.
Replace flour with ground-up bones of Englishmen. Send to any
high-ranking English vamps.
1109. Ya know the old shaving cream in the hand and tickle the face while
sleeping routine? Good. Now replace the shaving cream with any body
organ. (Bonus points for disgusting innards. More bonus points if the body
parts are still beating. You may need Serpentis for this one.)
1110. I'm thinkin a of a toy store, a few tickle me elmo dolls, and a whole
bunch of C4 explosives. Extra points if you can make the doll say
"Sayonara SUCKER" right before it explodes.
1111. I'm thinkin of a toy store and a Tremere who can animate inanimate
objects (can you say REVOLT?). Bonus points if the warlock can send
the cabbage patch dolls on a kiddie eatting spree.
1112. Throw a "cookout" for all the kindred in the city. Halfway through
run in with squirt guns filled with Barbeque sause. Baste everyone in the
vacinity, then run like hell. One minute later enter equipped with a flame
thrower and begin to ask them if they want regular or exta crispy. (Bouns
points if you successfully invite and forget to tell anyone that the the
werewolves were coming.) Extra bonus points for surviving. Super bonus
points for gaining compliments from the lupines (and still surviving).
1113. Pretreat some charcoal briquettes with liquid oxygen. This makes them
the equivalent of a stick of dynamite. Now invite the Prince and
Primogen members over for a "concilitory" barbeque. Let the Prince and the
most obnoxious Primos have the honor of lighting the grill...
1114. Collect toenail clippings, use your own, someone elses, whatever.
Gather enough to fill a car, like a really prissy Toreador's. Fill the car
to
capacity (if the car has a sunroof - all the better) If the windows aren't
tinted, tint them. Should be fun when they open the door. Show them that
they aren't the only ones with artistic abilty!
1115. Stick a fake third eye on your forehead. Walk around wearing a
T-shirt that says "My Sire reached Golconda and all I got was this lousy
T-Shirt."
Yup, you heard right, bozos. Thus ends the Prankthology as I have run it.
But Erehwon has graciously agreed to keep it going in his own manner. So
please, if you have any new prank ideas, send them his way
(ere...@nauticom.net). I'm getting too old and cranky for this shit, so
it's time to quit. I'd like to thank everyone who helped and submitted and
hope everyone enjoyed the ride. Good night.
-Johnny, aka Peg Leg Pete
---Johnny Mayall---jmayall@jove.acs.unt.edu---http://people.unt.edu/~jmayall---
When I was a very small boy, very small boys talked to me;
Now that we've grown up together, they're afraid of what they see.
-New Order, "True Faith"
Credit where credit is due...
And now the most important part of the whole 'Prankthology' project: the
artists who helped make it
what it is:
Matt Alexander, P. Anthony, The Baron, Mark Baxter (Mr. Badger), Ceredwyn
Beneslet (Yelyana), Donald G. Bixler (Oops da Ogre), Kris
Blade, Michael Bloch, Lizzy Borden, B. Bramlett, Brandon (Night Rain),
Geoffrey Brent (William Gordon), Deird'Re M. Brooks, Victor
Brueggemann (Victor), Veronica Bulger, Jason Burke, Butch (Bostch), Bowyn
Carmichael, Stella E. Chambrick, Yanick Champoux (Le Nabot
number 6), P.R. Church (Handel W. Care), Richard George Clinton, CoCheese,
The Concourse on High, Jonathon Conway, Jason D. Corley,
Lea Crowe, Andrew Cruse, Joshua E. Culbertson (desnoirs), Ren Cummins (Dark
Heart), Cynthia Higgins (Lurker at the Threshold), Raven
Darksaint (Raven), Rhiannon Davies, Doug DeJulio, Dobbs1998, Jon Doe,
Ebony, Gregory Ehrendreich, Ian (Cindy "Anneke" Delker), Ian S.
Fay (Schreck), Chris Fieldhouse (Chriss), The Fiend, Rosanne Fisher, Colin
Foley, Jerome Fouletier, Angela Fritz (Kayla), Timothy Frost
(Abbot), Timothy Fuller, Diedra Gates, William R. Geiger (Scarecrow),
Andrew Getting (Kestrel), Jeff Giammo, Francis Gilbert (Morgan Heart),
Benjamin Avery Goldstein, Christopher L. Grant, Grimler, Blake Guard,
Gustev, Paul Haggard (John Dowskin), Nathan Helfinstine, Paul
Hemmingway, Claire Hipkin, Daniel Arnold Hopping, Phil Hyde, Iago, David
Jacobs (The CyberGuineaPig), Bart Janssens (Floyd), Nicole
Johnson, Josh D. K., Krasnow (marlin downsteepy and malcom malkav), Barbara
Jean Kuehl (Baby Jinx), Benjamin J Kullman (Ferret), Kyle
Kunst (Reshaka), D. Kupper (Roger/Loki/Ophelia), Marduk Kurios, Bob Linn,
G.M. Littmann, Chuck Livingston, Dr. Shadow K. Lu,
Christopher Lyons, MINLJM, ML2010 (Muller Lives 2010), Rob Maddock, Marc17
(Infodrome), Marok, Dr. Manhatten (Cerebrus), Matt,
Johnny Mayall (Peg Leg Pete), Jesse Mazer (Dave Javiar), D. McKeeman
(Weasel Boy), Cameron McCurry, Ron Meisenheimer, Amhorach
Mhurchaidh, Mikado, Morris (The Livewire), Charleen Mullenweg (Lady Tatyana
Oberonovich), Andrew C. Murdoch, Brian Lawrence Myhre,
NPH (Iteration Y), J. Nelson, C. Newman (Sableagle), S. J. Nolte, Georgina
Okerson (Synthea), Omnicynic, Oorang (Vinnie the Goon),
Pandora, The Party Train, Ken Pat, N. Peabody, David Austin Peters, Gaston
Phillips, Virgil Porter, \Reality, Redrum (Dante Broody), Reshaka,
Bill C. Riemers, Alexia Romanov, Erik Robbins, Jennifer Santarelli
(mistress josephe), Santiago, Troy Schiemann (The Green Man), Carlo
Settineri (Mike Youngblood), ShanMonster, A. F. Simpson, Laura Smit (loa
lightquencher), Christian Steenhorst, Ashley Taft (Ashley), TazDevil,
Aaron Thom, Tina (Discord), Duke Toma (Guy du Bas-Tyra), Timothy Toner,
Trombone69, Sarah Trout (Eris), Peter Tyson (Dr. Dynamo),
Visitant, Oscar van Vliet, Walker-Wilks, Bruce Wasson, Sean Williamson
(Othello), Eric M. Willey (v.a.l. aka Mercy), Mandy West (Youphoria),
Julia Windham, Chelsea Wood (Juno), Kenneth Young, YyoDDa96, Joe Zubkavich
(Abraham Walker)
---Johnny Mayall---jmayall@jove.acs.unt.edu---http://people.unt.edu/~jmayall---
When I was a very small boy, very small boys talked to me;
Now that we've grown up together, they're afraid of what they see.
-New Order, "True Faith"
Thanks for reading fellow madmen.